How To Get Toddlers To Nap (Even When It Seems Impossible)
How To Get Toddlers To Nap (Even When It Seems Impossible) If you’re not sure what to do when your toddler doesn’t nap, this guide has you covered!
As the owner of a small Montessori-inspired daycare and preschool, and the mom of wildly different twin toddlers, I have been putting babies and toddlers down for naps 1:1 and in groups, for almost a decade.
That’s a LOT of naps and a LOT of toddlers!
Each toddler has different sleep needs, and it has been an interesting journey observing, ‘trialing and erroring’, to find what works best.
Because I have seen and experienced so much, I know how to approach most any situation.
Most first time parents, even second and third time parents, just haven’t had the same level of exposure and practice to have a few go-to tricks that make nap times easy and less stressful.
That changes today!
With the toddler nap tips I share below, you will be able to lean on some very solid strategies that will make nap times MUCH easier!
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Getting Toddlers To Nap With More Ease
1. Follow A Proven Nap Sample Schedule
The times when your child sleeps, and how long they sleep, can change literally from month to month, until the time they stop napping.
I have found that we bee dreaming’s nap sample schedule has been pretty on point for identifying age-by-age sleep times with all of the 30+ babies and toddlers I have worked with over the last almost-decade, including my own twins.
Use their sample schedules as a guide to help you plan nap timing with each age.
Here are a couple examples of webeedreaming.com‘s sample toddler nap schedules:
2. Aim To Burn Off A Lot Of Energy During Waking Times
Whether you have a chill child or a more obviously energetic child, it will serve you and your toddler well to find active things they love to do that will burn off their energy (rather than just depend on them to burn all their energy by playing with their toys)
In my experience, for every 20 minutes of ‘chill time’ like doing puzzles, reading, building blocks, watching shows, playing dolls, etc… toddlers need the following 20 minutes to be active play in order to stay the most emotionally balanced (and easier to get to nap, too!)
Try active things like:
- water play
- races
- keep it up (with a balloon)
- chase
- hide and seek
- climbing
- tug of war
- dance parties
- park play
- bouncy house
- biking
- scootering
20 minutes active/20 minutes chill is really the best interval for a balanced child and a balanced day – especially if you notice you or your child is extra irritable.
I’ll even plan a 20 minute super active game of chase or race before I take my children out for dinner or lunch, which almost always guarantees that they will happily sit, eat, and relax at the dinner table for at least 20 minutes.
Win!
Especially since attention spans for toddlers and preschoolers are:
- 4-6 minutes for 2 year olds
- 6-8 minutes for 3 year olds
- 8-12 minutes for 4 year olds
So, plan your child’s (and your!) waking times to be filled with 20/20 intervals of active play and ‘chill time’.
3. Use Books To Teach About Why Our Bodies Need Sleep
You can set the tone and actually help your toddler understand why sleeping is important and natural, not a burden, punishment, or a chore!
Toddlers can love sleep! Yessss.
Even if they fight it now….
I’ve worked with toddlers whose parents said they ‘stopped sleeping before 2 years old’ and ‘refused to nap everyday’, and after a week of 20/20 playing and reading about the importance of sleep (plus some other tips I share below!), they were happily napping within 3-7 days!
And their behaviors had changed, too – calmer, less tantrums – to their parents’ delight!
Woohoo!
Educating our children about how their body works is powerful. (This works great with picky eating and potty training, too!)
Explaining the why is powerful.
Soon, they’ll be repeating what they’ve learned about sleep from the books!
Through explaining ‘why we do things’, we can change the vibe and how our toddlers view situations, for the better!
Check out our bedtime storybook on Amazon that explains the importance of sleep to toddlers, and helps them build a more positive relationship with sleep.
Parents who struggled and wondered how to get toddlers to nap have found this book very helpful in reframing naps and bed times as happy, positive, enjoyable times!
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4. Address Root Cause Of Not Wanting To Nap & Validate And Comfort Their Feelings
It is an important part of our parenting job to model and teach our children how to manage their feelings and reactions.
Tap into your empathy, take some deep breaths or step away if you feel overwhelmed, then return and help your toddler when you’re able to be calm and genuine.
Avoid saying things like:
- “You do this everyday, come on! You need to sleep!”
- “Why is it always so hard for you!”
- “If you don’t nap, then no show later!”
- “You’re fine!”
- “It’s hard to pause playing with you’re having so much fun, huh? Want a hug to help you feel better?”
- “I will sit with you until you feel cozy and relaxed.” (Take some big deep breaths yourself and talk the through resting, dreaming, and relaxing…)
- “Sleep is so important for our bodies and brains. What will make going to nap easier for you? Reading (insert favorite book)? Playing chase for 1 minute? Mommy doing rocket ship to bed?”
- “I’m going to use the potty and be right back. Rest and cuddle your lovey until I come back in a minute.”
- “If we do a great job resting our body for nap, then we can have a yogurt pop when you wake up! Let’s do it!”
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5. Set The Right Vibe & Setting For Resting
If you’re stressed and anxious, your toddler will pick up on your vibe.
When both of you are out of control, it can make nap time much more challenging.
Being in chaos, stress, and anger is hard to operate in – for yourself and your toddler – and it is not how to get toddlers to nap.
Maybe 15 minutes before nap, you take some quiet time to get calm and centered, so you can be more patient and empathetic when helping your toddler to nap.
Voo breathing is one of my favorite go-tos for resetting my nerves.
Prioritizing your calm is what will help you more easily manage most any situation with your toddler, as a calm, confident leader!
Likewise, when the setting supports peaceful sleep, it will happen easier.
For a peaceful sleep setting, I like to:
- Have blackout shades if possible (not a deal breaker though, as many toddlers are fine without it)
- Have a sound machine with white or brown noise
- Talk to the toddlers about how to sleep peacefully, kind of like a meditation podcast would (ie: lay your head down, hug your lovey, deep breath in and out, legs down on the bed, eyes closed, deep breath in and out, goodnight toes, goodnight feet, goodnight legs, it’s time to dream and let our bodies rest, then I take some loud deep breaths myself….)
- Have a lovey for them to cuddle
- Have a cozy blanket
6. Give Your Toddler A Heads Up A Few Minutes Before Nap
Imagine your husband says, “alright babe, time to leave the party. Let’s go now.”
How would you feel?
Surprised, anxious, resistant because you are having fun? Upset?
Those feelings can be the same for your toddler.
They have no concept of time.
They can’t watch the clock and know that they have only 10 minutes left before it’s time to hit the hay.
Giving your toddler a heads up is fair and will allow them to ease into nap time, rather than feel shocked, anxious, or upset that all of a sudden they have to stop playing.
A heads up can make all the difference for a smoother transition to nap. (Sometimes toddlers will still have big feelings about nap, which is where we go back to validating and offering a hug to help them feel better. Remember – hugs are tools AND a way to show our love.)
Here is how I usually give toddlers a heads up about nap time:
- “Alright, it’s getting close to resting time. Wow, what a busy morning! It’ll be good for our bodies to rest a little. Let’s choose the last thing we want to do before nap and then we will play again when we wake up. What are you going to choose to do?”
This kind of heads up is a recipe for chill!
Usually I hear – “ok, I’m going to do xyz!”
Sometimes I hear – “no! I don’t want to rest”, to which I respond with validation and offering a hug to help them transition more smoothly.
Remember, not to ask them if they want to nap or are ready to nap.
Tell them when it is nap time, give them a heads up, and allow freedoms within the limit of nap time (more on this in #8!)
Incorporate this as an everyday habit before nap time.
A lot of parents that wonder how to get toddlers to nap find that giving this heads up really helps their toddler transition to nap!
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7. Have Them Say Goodbye To Their Toys Or Save Them Somewhere
8. Find A Routine They Look Forward To, Are An Active Part Of & That You Can Manage
Respecting them as a whole person is key.
9. Sit With Them Or Try The 5 10 15 Method (Without Crying)
I usually make time in my day to sit with the children until they doze off. This usually takes 20 minutes from a relaxed state. (Wouldn’t you rather spend 20 calm minutes than the whole nap time stressing or struggling with a fussy toddler?)
Sometimes, I sit in a chair in the room until they all doze off, so I can ensure no one is talking or playing, or being disruptive.
I spend a couple minutes talking them through how to rest their bodies, kind of like a meditation podcast would (ie: lay your head down, cuddle your lovey, get cozy in your bed, deep breath in and out, night night toes, night nights arms, we had such a busy morning, resting feels so good…)
Sometimes, I sit with my twins until they doze off.
Other times, I use the 5 10 15 method (without any crying), which is essentially me tucking everyone in, reminding them of our sleeping rules (ie: at nap time we are quiet and rest, we stay in our bed) then leaving the room and coming back to check that they are resting after 5 minutes, then again after 10 minutes, then again after 15 minutes.
Usually, when I’m just starting to use this method with toddlers, I go to check on them after 2 minutes, another 2 minutes, then build up from there. Just to be safe.
If a toddler is upset and crying, which is very rare when I follow these nap time tips, then I help them calm down and get to a relaxed state before I leave the room.
I might give them ideas about how to self-soothe like:
- “If you are feeling sad, squeeze your lovey”
- “If you feel like crying, take 2 big deep breath and cuddle your blankie”
- “If you feel upset, think about what you want to dream about – maybe swimming, dinosaurs, or grandma’s house…”
Here is what I might say when doing the 5 10 15 method with toddlers:
“Ok, it’s resting time. Awwww, so cozy in our bed. What a busy morning! We’ll rest a little then play again. Right now we rest. We close our mouth and our eyes. Deep breath in and out. Arms on the bed, legs on the bed. Goodnight body. Goodnight brain. Let’s rest. Quiet and resting. I will be back in 5 minutes to make sure you are resting your body.”
Sometimes, if a toddler doesn’t want me to leave, I’ll tell them what I am going to do while I am gone. This helps to keep them calm and in bed.
For example, I might say: “I am going to go start the dishes from lunch and then I will be back in 5 minutes to check that you are resting.”
I’ve found that this keeps them from feeling like they are missing out on something cool, which keeps them calmer and in bed until I come back.
If your toddler struggles to stay in bed, don’t start with the 5 10 15 method.
Instead, sit with them for a few days to a week, and then ease into the 5 10 15 method, once you see that the nap time routine is calmer and they don’t get up out of their bed.
If you can make time for these 2 things, you will probably never have a toddler who comes running out of their bedroom during nap time.
It’s worth it.
It’s SO nice to have calm, enjoyable nap times.
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10. Talk About Their Dreams & Give Them Something To Look Forward To After Nap Using “After, Then” Statements
As you’re taking your toddler off to bed or when your toddler is in bed, you can ask what they want to dream about and/or use “after, then” statements to motivate them to rest.
Here is how I might use this with toddlers at nap time:
- “After we get some good rest, then we can do water play!”
- What do you want to dream about today? Unicorns and the zoo!?”
- “After we get some good rest, then we can ride your scooter!”
- What are you going to dream about today? Butterflies, the pool, and the park?!
- “After we get some good rest, then we can build more block towers!”
11. Give It 7-10 Days
In my experience, it usually takes 7-10 days for a toddler to get into a new rhythm, habit, or routine, with the right supports.
If all of this that I have shared is wildly different than what you currently do, remember, that it will take time for you to adjust too.
You won’t be perfect and your child won’t be perfect, but if you follow what I’ve laid out above about how to get toddlers to nap, I guarantee that you will have smoother, less chaotic, more enjoyable nap times with your toddler, no matter their temperament or age!
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Is It Normal For A 2 Year Old Not To Nap?
Research suggests that most 2 year olds still need a nap during the day.
Napping is important for their physical and cognitive development, as it helps them recharge and process the new information and experiences they encounter.
However, every child is different, and some 2-year-olds may be ready to transition away from napping.
In my personal experience, most 2 year olds who are in a stimulating – sometimes overstimulating setting – like childcare, benefit greatly from a nap and behave differently when they do.
For a 2 year old who has a easy going temperament and quiet, calm days with a single caregiver, I could see how that child might not be as sleepy. Yet, I wonder about how a nap still benefits cognitive development, as 2 year olds are taking in so much new information just from observation and their setting.
Definitely check with your pediatrician if you are unsure about your toddler’s sleep needs.
A couple tweaks to your routine and language, might be all that is needed to make nap time possible where it has felt otherwise impossible.
There are some key things you can look for to better identify if your toddler no longer needs a nap OR is just struggling with transitioning to nap and falling asleep.
Here are some signs that your toddler no longer needs a nap:
- consistent difficulty falling asleep at nap time
- staying awake during the entire nap time
- no changes in behavior if nap is missed
- doesn’t fall asleep randomly if nap is missed
- able to fall asleep easily at night
Additionally, if a toddler is consistently sleeping for a shorter amount of time during their nap or skipping naps altogether without any signs of exhaustion or crankiness.
On another note, I know for many parents, nap time is a helpful reset and quiet time for them.
If your toddler truly no longer needs a nap, or starts to need less time napping, it can take time and creativity to adjust and fit in time for yourself in different ways.
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Why Do Toddlers Refuse To Nap?
Toddlers may refuse to nap for various reasons, including:
- changes in their routine or environment
- developmental milestones
- separation anxiety
- illness
- caregiver/toddler dynamic
- wanting to assert their independence
- inability to self soothe/handle big feelings
Additionally, some toddlers may simply not be tired enough (this is why that active play and 20/20 rule works so well!) or may feel that they are missing out on activities by napping (remember how we can handle fomo? Re-read tips above about fomo!).
It’s important to establish a consistent vibe around nap, give your toddler a heads up when there will be nap routine changes, and create a calm, comfortable, supportive sleep environment to encourage toddlers to nap.
You can also look to a get specialized support from a child sleep expert who has a money-back guarantee instead of trying to piece it all together yourself and continually feeling stressed.
What Is The 5 10 15 Method?
The 5-10-15 toddler nap method is a sleep training technique in which parents gradually increase the amount of time they wait before responding to their child’s cries during naptime.
As I mentioned, I ensure the child is relaxed and not crying before I leave the room and I come back in 2 minutes, then after another 2 minutes, then 5, 10.. depending on if the toddler is relaxed and resting or not.
Traditionally, the method involves waiting for 5 minutes before going in to check on the child, then 10 minutes, and finally 15 minutes.
It was created by Dr. Marc Weissbluth, a pediatrician and author of the book “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child.”
The goal of the method is to help children learn to fall asleep on their own and establish routined, independent sleep habits.
There are other methods, like the Parental Fading Method, that does not depend on any type of crying it out either.
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How To Get A 3 Year Old To Nap?
In my experience, 3 year olds sleep well anywhere from 1230 to 130pm, for about 1.5-2+ hours.
To get a 3 year old to nap during these times, try using the tips I’ve laid out above – using up a lot of energy during waking hours, the 20/20 rule, teach them about why their body needs a nap, find a routine they enjoy, teach them how to relax…
I work with a lot of 3 year olds, and almost all still nap, unless their parents request otherwise.
You can have more back and forth conversations with your 3 year old than when they were 2 years old, so asking questions and getting them to think through answers, come up with ideas, and agree, can be very helpful in making nap times easier.
For example, I say things like:
- “You are getting frustrated at everything because your body needs some rest. What will help you get comfortable and rest?”
- “It’s hard to play and have fun when you are feeling cranky, huh? Usually when we are tired we are cranky. Resting our body will make us feel better and have more fun. Would you like to sit and rest on the couch or lay and rest on your bed?”
- “Why do you feel sad?”
- “What will make you feel better?”
On busier, more active days, 3 year olds may sleep longer.
On outing days doing something new, they may be able to stay up later and fall asleep quickly or get very cranky right before falling asleep.
Remember, sleep needs can vary depending on temperament, setting, and activity level.
I’ve worked with dozens and dozens of different toddlers, in a group setting and 1:1, and with my own twins, and these tips I’ve shared are the key to getting a toddler to nap, peacefully!
Sending you all the support!
Xx, Poppy
Potty training soon?
For the most supported, easiest potty training experience possible, check out my Mindful & Peaceful Potty Training Course that has helped hundreds of struggling, stressed moms:
