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How To Develop A Kid’s Kindness
People are better and happier when they give and receive kindness, whether it be in their circle of family and friends, or in the larger world around them.
And the beautiful thing is, we can nurture kindness in our children, no matter their temperament.
“Acts of kindness help children form connections that are positively associated with increased happiness, a greater sense of belonging and improved self-esteem. The rush of endorphins related to helping others creates a sense of lasting pride, optimism, and self-worth, improved health and less stress.” –Indiana Youth Institute
I’ve been working with kids, ages 0 to 5 years, for almost a decade now and I can attest to the wonderful kindness that each child naturally possesses.
Even the more challenging children can learn to show kindness, often.
This is where nature vs nurture really comes in.
Developing a kid’s kindness makes them more resilient, empathetic, and confident.
It truly makes the world a better, brighter place, and research shows that kind people have more friends.
I know in those first few years of parenting, it can be tough to see and celebrate kindness in our children, as toddlers and preschoolers can be emotional, impulsive, and explosive.
Still, despite how they experience and handle their emotions, if we observe our children – not only when they are misbehaving – we will actually witness their kindness, thoughtfulness, empathy, compassion, fairness, and respect, unfold and grow in front of our eyes.
Recognizing, reinforcing, and celebrating a child’s kindness will encourage them to use it more and more, making it a lifelong habit.
I am going to break down how I develop a kid’s kindness, so you can try it at home with your child.
Here is how to develop a kid’s kindness. They 11 keys to kindness…
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It’s true that the environment can change the child.
Parents and the caregivers in a child’s life are a 24/7 example that they are seeing, experiencing, absorbing, and learning from, just through exposure and observation.
Showing your child kindness when they fall by checking on them and offering a hug, teaches them how to treat others in that situation, and strengthens the parent-child relationship.
Slow down, listen when they talk, be present with them, offer comfort.
Being empathetic to your partner when they’ve had a rough day and need a hug or a few minutes alone, shows your child what empathy and support looks like.
Taking grandma her favorite flowers when you go to visit her, teaches your child what consideration and thoughtfulness is.
Talking to your child about diversity we see in school and in the world, will help them understand that you are kind to all sorts of different people.
When we make kindness a way of life by actively being kind to others and to our children, we give our kids an amazing opportunity to understand and practice kindness, regularly.
The foundation for developing a kid’s kindness starts at home, and in any environments they spend most of their time.
Kindness becomes contagious and a habit!
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2. Read & Talk about what kindness is
Reading books with clear examples of what kindness is, can be a very powerful tool for nurturing kindness in your child.
I read this book regularly at story time, and the children identify with it very well.
The book follows Maddy, the young girl pictured, through her day and talks about all the opportunities she has to show kindness.
It also talks about how it feels for her and others, to be kind and receive kindness.
When I read this to my toddlers and preschoolers here, they’ll repeat lines to one another later in the day, or share an experience they’ve had in the past that relates to the book.
It’s a wonderful starting point for opening up conversations about what kindness is and how to be kind.
Young children learn new concepts from hearing the same lines and stories over and over again, so it is no wonder reading is important.
And many young children ask you to read the same book every day. This is why.
They are learning, absorbing, and remembering.
Regularly reading and talking about all the ways one can be and is kind, will absolutely help develop a kid’s kindness over time!
3. Point Out when You or They are being Kind So They Recognize Kindness
This is huge focus in my home and professional life as a caregiver of young children because I see and feel the difference it makes!
How do you feel when someone recognizes your for your kindness?
Does it make you want to do more kind things?
So often, we parents and caregivers are on the look out for unwanted behaviors. We wait, and watch, and talk a lot with our children about their unwanted behaviors and what they should do instead.
Of course, that it part of our job – creating boundaries and rules to be followed.
But, it is also our jobs to uplift and celebrate our children.
This is what builds a solid sense of self, self-worth, and self-confidence!
Yet, far less frequently do we uplift, compliment, and call out the goodness we see in our children.
Sometimes, we hardly see all the brightness because we are so blinded by our feelings of frustration or disappointment toward the unwanted behaviors.
Studies show that recognition is a powerful motivator.
When we recognize our kids for being kind, they will be kind more often.
Look for and reinforce your child’s thoughtfulness, empathy, caring nature, supportive words, consideration of their friends – all of the kind little things they do each week!
Doing this can build more gratitude as well.
When I actually stepped back and started looking for kindness in each child, I was so amazed how much goodness I saw, how much opportunity for me to recognize them there was, and how different I felt about them when I regularly verbalized their kindness.
Incredible!
And further, their behaviors reflected more of the kindness that I was celebrating them for. What a win win!
Recognizing even the tiniest moments of kindness will help you develop your kid’s kindness!
Maybe they offer to help you.
Maybe they give you a hug when you are sad.
Maybe they save a cookie for you because they know you love it.
Maybe they tell their sister that they will help her if she falls.
These are all simple and beautiful examples of kindness.
Look for these moments and verbally recognize your child regularly, and you will be developing their kindness!
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4. Discuss what It feels like when someone is kind to us
Regularly talking to your child about certain topics, such as kindness and feelings, keeps these concepts front and center.
And remember, that young children’s brains learn from repetition.
I like to have discussions with children about things like how it feels when someone is kind to us in quiet, calm moments.
This might be when we are driving in the car, or having a picnic at the park, or walking somewhere together.
I might say, “I noticed sister brought you your shoes when it was time to leave the house. That was so kind of her to do that. Did you feel so happy she helped you with your shoes/How did it make you feel when she did that?”
Remember, emotional intelligence doesn’t come built in, but emotions do.
Bringing awareness to acts of kindness and how we feel when someone is kind to us, helps us practice more gratitude and become more empathetic to others.
Such a beautiful thing!
When we fill our life with more compliments, kindness, and gratitude, it naturally feels more joyous and abundant.
Discussing how it feels when someone is kind to us can help develop a kid’s kindness!
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5. Role play kindness to give them ideas & practice
These emotion puppets are an excellent way to incorporate kindness practice into play!
Play is such a powerful teacher.
Do you ever notice that your child grasps concepts better when introduced to them in a playful manner?
Through play children get exposed to situations and have the opportunity to problem solve, interact with others, and practice new skills.
I like to use these puppets during story time or free play to do some interactive role play with the children.
I might use the sad face puppet and say, “I am feeling so so sad, Jack. Leah wasn’t being kind to me when I was sad. I fell and she just walked right past me. What can she do instead that is kind and will make me feel better?”
Maybe Leah could check on Jack and ask if he’s ok?
Maybe Leah could help Jack up and offer a hug?
I might finish my saying, “When we are kind to others it makes them feel better and happy. What is something kind that someone does that makes you feel better or happy?”
The children love to share their stories of times someones was kind to them and how it made them feel. So cute!
Role playing is an excellent way to identify kind acts and to develop a kid’s kindness!
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6. Do random acts of Kindness together
Whether in your home with your own family, with friends, neighbors, or strangers, doing random acts of kindness together will let your child witness both the giving and receiving ends of kindness.
Maybe you always make your partner coffee in the morning and your child helps you take it to them.
Maybe you take your child’s teacher a gift and a card every now and again, just to express your appreciation for them.
Maybe you pay for the person’s ice cream behind you at the ice cream shop when you take your child out for a treat.
Maybe you donate food or clothes together.
These are all random of acts of kindness your child can be a part of with you, and maybe they will continue on the trend of paying it forward as they grow!
Random acts of kindness let’s your child see inclusivity in action.
Doing these kinds of things will not only develop a kid’s kindness, it will also strengthen the parent-child bond.
7. Teach Them about Emotional Intelligence So they Can understand What Kindness Feels Like
When we are more in tune with our own feelings, we can be more aware of how others might feel, too.
Empathy is a beautiful and healing thing.
We want our children to show kindness through empathy.
Using tools like this emotions coloring book, will allow you to teach your child about emotional intelligence in a fun, hands on, and engaging way!
Each page in this Low Stress Motherhood original coloring book, has big bold pictures, describes a different emotion, and talks about situations when your child might feel that emotion.
Nurturing your child’s emotional intelligence will help them build relationships and reduce stress.
It is a key piece to developing a kid’s kindness!
It’s truly a priceless gift that we can give our children that will make their lives so much brighter and easier!
8. Reflect on Feelings So They Regularly think about How they Feel & Practice Empathy
“How did that make you feel?”
“How do you think that makes her feel?”
Asking your child questions like this really gets them thinking.
And using this matching card game can further their understanding of their emotions.
They soon become more aware of their feelings moment to moment, and they are more enlightened about how others might feel, too.
I love to talk about feelings and emotions regularly with children, from an early age (1-2+) because emotions drive actions.
And the sooner a child understands how they feel, and the behaviors they usually engage in after having a certain feeling, the sooner they can help themselves feel better in safe, positive way.
Many of us adults struggle with this, so helping our children allows us to grow in our emotional intelligence, too
A healthy practice for the whole family!
When reflecting on feelings with a child, I might say, “Do you notice that when you are frustrated you hit your brother? That is not safe. You wouldn’t want to be hit when someone is frustrated. We need to find other ways for you to let your frustration out. How can you handle your frustration in a different way without hurting anyone?”
Or
“It is so kind when you help me grab my toothbrush and toothpaste. I love that you love to help me!”
Reflecting on emotions and actions can help to develop a kid’s kindness!
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9. Focus on Repair Instead of Apologies
Forced apologies don’t come from a genuine, kind place. They come from a “let’s get this over with already”, “I have to do what mom says” place.
They aren’t helpful in teaching and practicing kindness.
First, before any apology, we want the person to think about their actions, feelings, and tap into remorse.
When this is done, a genuine apology can emerge and kindness can be shown.
Instead of forcing your child to apologize, try this:
- Help to de-escalate the situation and get everyone calm
- You apologize to the hurt individual and say “that wasn’t ok” (modeling what we want our children to do is one of the BEST teachers!)
- Discuss what happend with both parties, and why it is not ok
- Bring up how everyone feels (“brother was mad you took his toy that’s why he hit you. It’s not ok and now you are hurt and sad.)
- Have your child repair before moving on to something else (repairing can be checking on their sibling, talking about why they did what they did and what they can do instead next time, talking about a solution next time the problem arises…)
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10. Play Games That Practice Kindness & Encourage them to Show you Examples of Kindness
King Of Kindness! (or Queen Of Kindness!)
This is a fun game I play with toddlers and preschoolers.
The king gets a crown and a cape if you have it, and he either goes around doing kind things for others and/or tells others a kind thing they can do for someone else.
Either way, there is lots of practice of kindness going around!
Sometimes I feed them ideas by saying, “What is something a powerful king of kindness could do for Elsie? Could he bring her a blanket? What is something kind the king of kindness could do for doggy? Get him fresh water, a cuddle, and a treat? What can I do that is kind for sister, oh Queen Of Kindness!?”
Such a simple, fun game that helps develop a kid’s kindness!
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11. Teach Them To be Inclusive & Agree To Disagree
When a child is aware of all the diversity in the world, and that at the core we are all humans with feelings and different ways of life, they will be able to show more acceptance, understanding, and kindness.
When a child knows that someone might disagree with them but that doesn’t mean they are wrong or have to be angry about it, they will be calmer, more peaceful, and less confrontational when faced with differences from others.
Teaching inclusivity and that it is ok and normal to agree to disagree without anger, will allow your child to face the world with a lot less stress and strife, and build better, happier relationships with people.
How Do I Raise My Child To Be A Nice Person?
Some children are naturally kind and gentle.
Others are more intense, rough, and emotionally erratic.
Rest assured, that no matter what type of temperament your child was born with, kindness can be taught and learned.
As I have said, I have seen the preschooler who others had labelled a bully, show kindness to others.
I have seen the loud, rough, wild child, show empathy, consideration, and remorse.
If you want to raise your child to be a nice person, here are 10 things you can do:
- Lead by example: Be kind to others and show your child how to treat others with respect and kindness.
- Encourage empathy: Teach your child to put themselves in other people’s shoes and understand how they might be feeling.
- Praise kind behavior: Regularly acknowledge and praise your child when they show kindness and empathy towards others.
- Teach gratitude: Help your child appreciate the good things in life and express gratitude towards others.
- Foster teamwork: Encourage your child to work with others and appreciate the value of teamwork.
- Teach conflict resolution: Help your child learn how to resolve conflicts in a peaceful and respectful way.
- Encourage generosity: Show your child the joy of giving by encouraging them to donate their time or resources to those in need.
- Teach manners: Teach your child basic manners such as saying “please” and “thank you” and holding doors open for others.
- Practice inclusivity: Encourage your child to embrace diversity and appreciate differences among people.
- Teach responsibility: Help your child understand the impact of their actions and encourage them to take responsibility for their behavior.
Why Do We Need To Teach Children Kindness?
“Acts of kindness help children form connections that are postitively associated with increased happiness, a greater sense of belonging and improved self-esteem.
The rush of endorphins related to helping others creates a sense of lasting pride, optimism, and self-worth, improved health and less stress.”
Everyone benefits from giving and receiving kindness!
And even if a child is not naturally gentle and constantly kind, we can teach kindness. It can be nurtured.
In my experience, when I observe and seek it out, even the most challenging children show kindness often.
And the more I recognize them for their kind acts, the happier I feel, they feel, and the kinder they are more often!
Children need a home life filled with kindness and support to be their best selves and be great to others.
Without this exposure, the opposite of kindness might be fostered instead, unknowingly.
When we teach children kindness, there naturally is more kindness in our lives, too.
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How Do You Teach A Child Kindness & Empathy?
Here are some tips when teaching your child kindness and empathy:
- Believe that they can be kind
- Observe them to find little acts of kindness like offering to help you, giving a toy to a friend, taking care of their doll…
- Genuinely praise them for being kind by saying things like, “you are so kind to your dolly”, “I love when you offer to help, that is so kind of you.”, “you are so kind to give the toy to your friend babe, you are a great friend!”
- Model kind behavior to your child, your family members, friends, and strangers
- Talk about how they feel and how others feel when certain things happen to them
- Bring attention to social cues, like what it looks like when someone is sad or mad
- Compliment your child often to uplift and encourage them even more
- Find the good in others and talk kindly about them and encourage your child to do the same
- Reflect on feelings when something happens so they can understand what others might be feeling in the same situation too
Kindness Quotes For Kids
Have you ever heard a quot that really spoke to you or that you remember years later, maybe even from childhood?!
Quotes are powerful!
People love them and live by them.
Kids too!
Here are 10 memorable kindness quotes for kids:
- “It’s not our job to toughen our children up to face a cruel and heartless world. It’s our job to raise children who will make the world a little less cruel and heartless.” – L.R. Knost
- “When words are both true and kind, they can change the world.” – Buddha
- “A single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions, and the roots spring up and make new trees.” – Amelia Earhart
- “Kindness is a language that deaf can hear and blind can see.” – Mark Twain
- “In a world where you can be anything, be kind.” – Jennifer Dukes Lee
- “If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else.” – Booker T. Washington
- “How beautiful a day can be when kindness touches it!” – George Elliston
- Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.” – Wendy Mass
- “Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.” – Dalai Lama
- “The greatest gift you can give someone is your kindness and attention.” – Debasish Mridha
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