How To Handle Fear During Potty-Training - Low Stress Motherhood

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All your child has known is the snug fit of a diaper and the mindless act of pottying in it. Using the potty takes awareness, action, and follow through. They now have a responsibility. And it is up to us to show them all the ins and outs of how to go about creating this new habit. We provide the tools they need, guide them through the motions, exercise as much patience as possible, provide extra cuddles and have more conversations than ever, to help them understand and remember what to do.

Despite these efforts, many feelings will still arise during this process. One of which, is fear. And it is common. It is also developmentally appropriate. This is all new and new can be scary for toddlers because new equals unknown. Fear is very common and it doesn’t have to overwhelm you or stop you from continuing in the process. Here are some ways you can curb and manage fear during potty-training:

1. Prep-potty prep talks

Give your child a heads up each day, 2-3 days before the act of sitting on the potty begins and start gathering the toys and activities you will use near and IN the bathroom. Here are some lines you can use to prepare your child:

“Ok honey! In a few days we are going to say bye bye to diapers and you will wear underwear instead! Just like mommy and daddy. Let’s choose the ones you want to wear!”
“In a few days we are going to try and put all our pee and poop in the potty, ok? Let’s try it! Bye bye diapers! We’re going to sit on the potty throughout the day. Go choose the toys you want to play with while we’re in the bathroom.”
“You’re getting to be such a big, strong girl! Soon you won’t need your diapers anymore! Bye bye diapers, you can use a potty like mom and dad instead! Let’s try sitting on the potty in a couple of days, ok? Let’s choose some toys to keep in there and what underwear you want to wear!”

Keep it casual, playful and direct. Let them know that this is something you will be doing together as a team and your toddler will more likely be up for, even looking forward, to the task.

2. Maximize exposure to potty-focused things

To familiarize them with the setting and process, incorporate activities and book that focus on the potty and the act of pottying. This will make it known and part of their routine before they begin, which means it will feel less foreign and scary when training begins. Here are some ways you can incorporate the potty into your days before you actually begin training:

Read them books about pottying at story time, lunch time or bed time.
Role play potty-time with a doll, dinosaur or teddy bear they love.
Talk with them throughout the day and describe to them how potty-training will go.
Have them come help you/keep you company when you go to the bathroom. Have them flush the toilet and wash their hands with you. Give high fives, hugs and add in silliness to make it playful and enjoyable for them.

These things should make the transition from diaper to potty smoother for your toddler and less stressful for you.

3.Validate, reassure, comfort, redirect. Then reassure again.

Once you begin potty-training, it is completely common for toddlers to still experience fear of the newness. In addition, they may have worries and fears if they experience a painful bowel movement, which can happen if your child withholds. Withholding is another common challenge you may have to face. You can read this article about how to handle withholding, so you can have an idea about what to do if it does happen.

Ok, here is what you can do if you notice fear during potty-training:

Focus on validating their feelings – “I know this is all new honey and it can feel scary. I’m right here with you. I’ll go with you until you don’t feel scared anymore, ok? You’re doing so great!”
Reassure them – “It’s ok to be scared. I’m right here with you. Give me a big hug if you’re feeling scared, ok?”
Create and utilize a peace corner – have this space filled with calming toys, comforting blankets or teddies and show them that this spot is where they can go to take a break and rest if they’re having feelings about potty-training.
Once they’re comforted and calm, guide them to something that brings them joy and remind them that you will try again together next time.

During potty-training, addressing fears directly, is the most powerful way to overcome them.

For step-by-step support for potty-training, click hereto download the FREE Peaceful Potty-Training Cheat Sheet complete with supply list and mindset preparedness.