how to stop yelling at your kids for good

How To Stop Yelling At Your Kids For Good

This blog post is all about how to stop yelling.

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For educational purposes only. 

how do i stop yelling at my kids for good

 

How Do I Stop Yelling At My Kids For Good?

Yelling, like any habit, can be a tough one to switch.  

But, it’s possible with the right supports.

I’m here today to be a part of that support for you.

To begin your journey toward a yell-free home, understanding the effects yelling has on your child is a key first step, as is understanding what triggers you to yell.

In this blog post, I go over a thorough list of all the things that will help you stop yelling at your kids for good.

I want you to keep in mind that it is going to take time and practice for you to get out of the habit of yelling. 

Give yourserlf time and grace, and you will get there.

Yelling has been proven to take a toll not only on you, but on your child, long-term.

So, I applaud you for taking the first step in tossing out yelling from your home.

Research suggests that many parents feel guilty, ashamed, or regretful after yelling.

If that’s you, we’re not going to dwell in shame or guilt.

Instead, we’re going to look at real, practical strategies that will help you get out of the negative cycle of behavior where of feeling stressed or overwhelmed, leading to more yelling and negative interactions with your children / your children yelling back or pulling away or behaving in more severe ways.

No more.

You already may know or feel that frequent yelling can have negative effects on the parent-child relationship, children’s mental health and well-being, even impacting their self-esteem and make for an overall less supportive, comfortable, and happy home environment.

And you and your child deserve better than that.

Yelling can also cause resentment and create an environment where the children yell, everyone is disconnected and feeling upset regularly, and behaviors escalate often.

We can avoid this.

Ok, so how can you stop yelling at your kids for good and create healthier communication and problem solving habits?

Let’s take a look… 

Here are the key things that will help you start making change today:

Know why you yell

Do you know why you yell? Finding root causes of your behaviors will often lead you into your feelings. And, when you understand your triggers and your feelings, you are more able to make the changes you want to see in your behaviors and therefore, life.
 
Here are some common reasons parents yell at their children:
 
  • Stress: Yelling relieves stress, so parents often find themselves in a cycle of stressing then yelling. When parents are under a lot of stress, they act and respond differently than when they aren’t stressed. Stress makes it difficult to control your emotions and respond calmly, rationally, or intentionally to your children’s behavior. 
  • You were yelled at as a child: If you were raised in an authoritarian household where yelling was commonplace, you learned by example to yell and from an early age, it became an ingrained habit you must be conscious of and unlearn.
  • You weren’t listened to when you were growing up: There is some evidence to suggest that individuals who felt unheard or dismissed as children may be more likely to struggle with expressing themselves assertively as adults. This can manifest in a variety of ways, including yelling or becoming overly aggressive in response to perceived disregard or disrespect.
     
  • Lack of patience: Some parents may have a short fuse and find it difficult to be patient with their children. This can lead to yelling when children do not follow directions the first time or behave in expected ways.
  • Unrealistic expectations: It’s very important that parents become aware of what is developmentally possible for children at different ages so they can have realistic expectations of their child. Likewise, it’s also important that parents recognize their child’s temperament and tendencies, as each child’s interests, capabilities, and natural learning styles are different. Parents who have expectations that don’t align with their reality of their unique child may become frustrated when their children do not meet those expectations. This can lead to yelling, added stress for everyone, and other forms of negative communication.
  • Lack of communication skills: Some parents may not have the necessary communication skills to effectively communicate with their children. They may believe that they have to show madness to make a point or teach a lesson, or that their child has to be afraid and cry in order to learn. This can lead to yelling as a way to get their point across.
  • Anger management issues: Some parents may have underlying anger management issues that cause them to yell at their children. This can be a difficult issue to address and may require professional help where you can dig deeper and understand your triggers and root causes.
  • Lack of boundaries, rules, and appropriate consequences: Parents who struggle with setting and enforcing boundaries may find themselves yelling at their children as a way to control their behavior. This can lead to a breakdown in the parent-child relationship and further behavior issues.
how to stop yelling for good

 

Pinpoint what triggers you

According to research, there are several common triggers for yelling. One of the most common triggers is frustration from not being heard.

Do you yell when your child doesn’t listen to you after you say it 2 times nicely?

When people feel like they are not being heard or that their needs are not being met, they may resort to yelling as a way to express their frustration.

Another common trigger is anger.

Do you feel angry and yell when your child repeats a behavior you told them was not ok to do?

Parents may yell when they feel angry about a situation or when they feel like they have been wronged in some way.

Other triggers for yelling include fear, anxiety, stress, and feeling overwhelmed.

Additionally, some parents may have learned to use yelling as a way to express themselves from their upbringing or cultural background, and it has since become a habit.

Once you know what triggers you, you can identify moments where you are likely to yell and catch yourself just before it happens.

Then, you can take control of your behavior rather than be impulsive, decide what you want to do instead of yell, and start to practice the new, healthier habits you want to have.

Understand it takes practice and discipline to change

Just like building a new house or losing weight, it will take tiiiime.

According to James Clear, author of Atomic Habits (an amazing read about changing habits btw!) it takes a person on average 66 days to master a new habit. Yep, 66 days.

So give yourself the gift of time, patience, forgiveness, and dedication during your time of unlearning old habits and learning new ones. 

It will be a challenge.

You probably won’t stop yelling tonight or tomorrow, but you will be putting in the necessary practice over time needed to create a new habit.

Take a moment to breathe and think before you respond 

If you’re following all the steps above, you’ve looked into what triggers your yelling and you’ve identified common situations where you are triggered.

Now you can be in control of your responses like never before.

So, the next time you feel triggered, stop for a second and think to yourself – “I’m being triggered. I am going to take a few deep breathes and think about how I want to respond to this in a way I will feel good about now and later.”

I love to do 3 deep ‘voo’ breaths. These types of breaths soothe the vagus nerve so they’re very good for relieving stress. My twin toddlers and husband do them too now, and it makes a big difference for our whole family when we are worked up.

After I take a few voo breaths, I like to say to myself, “I can handle this” or “this is part of my job. I can handle this fairly and calmly.”

It might sound silly, but this self-talk, self-supportive reminder really helps me walk myself through the situation when I’m stressed or having a hard time handling different behaviors.

Step away and release stress in a different way

If you are really overwhelmed or stressed and feel like you are going to explode – step away instead.
 
Make this your new habit.
 
We don’t need to constantly release stress on one another through yelling. 
 
Instead we can choose to decompress, clear our emotions, communicate, be flexible, come to resolutions and bond, enjoy more…
 
If you’re at the point you’re about to explode, you need to prioritize relieving stress. Find a way you can do so, other than yelling. 
 
Maybe you scream into a pillow, punch the couch cushions, stomp and shout in a separate room – get that physical release you’re used to with yelling, but in a way that doesn’t harm your child’s emotional well-being or your relationship with them. 
 
When you can’t think straight, take a break and come back to the conversation (instead of an argument) when you are in a right mind.
 
With a little discipline and practice, you can relieve your stress in healthier ways that don’t damage your relationship or leave you with mom guilt later, then come back to the situation and handle it in a calmer state.
 
If your toddler is crying and pulling at your leg for help for the 10th time and you feel like you are going to freak out, you can say that you’re having a hard time helping them and need a minute. 
 
Then, step out of the room and scream into a pillow, stomp your feet, say what you are feeling out loud, take voo breaths and stretch your neck.
 
If your children are arguing for the 5th time within 15 minutes, step away to relieve the stress that has built up in you, then come back to help them problem solve after.
 
As parents we are often faced with helping our children with emotions and behaviors at inconvenient times, and we might feel unprepared, overstimulated, stressed from other things, busy etc, making it even harder for us to respond how we want to…
 
This is a reality of life for many of us parents.
 
So, instead of getting and staying in a cycle being stressed then yelling, step away for a minute, prioritize relieving the stress you’re feeling, then return and handle the situation at hand in a calmer, productive manner.
 
Think of it like this: relieve your stress first, then handle the situation. Rather than relieve stress by yelling and try to handle the situation at the same time, while stressed.
why do i yell at my child so much

 

Shift your attention to what your child is feeling, not what they are doing or what they said

Do you ever feel triggered to yell by things your child says, like ‘no!’ or ‘give it to me now!’?

Do you ever feel the urge to yell after saying “let’s get in the car” 3 times only to see your child continue to play?

This is when you want to shift your attention to what they are feeling.

Why? Because when you know what they are feeling (remember feelings drive behaviors) you can have empathy AND you can gain better cooperation, making it easier for you not to yell.

This is what shifting your attention from what your child is doing or saying to what your child is feeling sounds like:

“You never listen when it’s time to leave the park! You know we need to leave!” –> “You always have so much fun at the park. You feel sad to leave. It’s hard to say goodbye sometimes, huh? Let’s say bye for now and we’ll come back again. Now let’s have a yogurt pop at home!”

“Share! If you scream no again then you will have no ipad tonight!” –> “You’re having so much fun using that toy. You feel mad about sharing. It can be hard to take turns, but there is only one and two of you so we need to take turns. I can set the time for 2 or 3 minutes, you choose or I will.”

“I have told you so many times to get in the car, why aren’t you listening?!” –> “Pause what you are doing and finish when we get back. I know you are so happy and want to keep playing but we have 3 minutes before we need to be in the car. Finish when we get back. Listen for the timer. Alright, it’s time!”

Re-structure your days

Are you always yelling in the morning because you’re rushing to get everyone out the door?

Are you always yelling at nap time because your toddler fights naps?

Do you yell when your children are fighting with one another after you get home from a long day at work?

Instead of continue the same routine that leads to this yelling cycle, think of new ways you can structure your days in situations where you find yourself yelling.

Maybe you wake up a little earlier in the morning so you aren’t as rushed, or maybe you meal prep instead of cool breakfast.

Maybe try approaching nap time differently, so you and your child are more calm.

Maybe make a rule that when you all get home from work and school, everyone spends 15-20 minutes separate to decompress before all hanging out so there is less frustration and fighting.

Put yourself in their shoes, practice empathy

Imagine you are deep in the middle of a project – like sewing a rip in your pants, cooking dinner, or watercolor painting, and your husband says ‘stop right now and come do this instead’.
 
How would you feel?
 
You might be confused, frustrated, anxious, mad…
 
Maybe you ignore him, tell him to wait a minute, or say no…
 
This is how our children might feel and what they might do when we tell them to do something or stop doing something they are in the middle of.
 
All day we need to guide them through day with commands, requests, and reminders. Just as tiring as it is for us, it is for them, too.
 
Remember, you guys are a team. You are the awesome, loving leader. You can be kind, loving, and stern at the same time.
 
The truth is, it can be hard to listen to someone else, even someone who has authority, when they are asking you to do something or stop something, especially if you are enjoying yourself or don’t like to do what they are asking of you.
 
When we put ourselves in our children’s shoes, we understand their behaviors more because we are more in tune with how they feel (which drives how they act).
 
And often times, we have been in situations that made us feel the same way they feel.
 
Our emotions connect us. We all have emotions in common.
 
When we practice empathy with our children, we can set rules, set expectations, and still show understanding of the feelings they might have about following those rules and listening to what we say.
 
It’s natural. And when we recognize and vocalize this, emotions aren’t a burden or an obstacle for us, they are just part of the experience. Accepted and faced.
 
I like to show empathy and then explain why I’m saying something.
 
It sounds like this:
 
“I know you want to just relax and play but there are too many toys on the floor that we could trip and get hurt on. It is all of our responsibility to keep our house tidy and safe. Pause for a minute and put 5 toys away.”
 
“You’re upset that I said you need to do your homework. Take a few minutes to cool down and then get started. Homework is an important part of school and learning. Let me know if you need help. If you get started on your homework soon you will have time for a show before bed.”
 
why do i lose my temper with my kids

 

Implement a different approach

Try something new. At the end of the day, as they say, ‘we are only in control of ourselves’.

So, take more control of yourself and try some new communication, discipline, or teaching techniques.

See how doing so might change your child’s response or your parent-child dynamic.

Truth is, our children aren’t here to be controlled, but rather guided, taught, and supported as they operate as their own little human in their world. And sometimes we are tasked with learning how to be a better teacher to them – it doesn’t always come built in and can vary child to child/sibling to sibling.

To start trying new approaches, you can take a FREE class on parenting without yelling, that gets thousands of 5-star reviews and has a money-back guarantee.

Learning new ways will help you unlearn old ways, and enable you to create new habits (like how not to yell and still be heard!)

Check in to see if your expectations are realistic

Are you expecting your 3 year old to act like an adult at the dinner table? Or is it more realistic to expect your 3 year old to sit and eat for 6-8 minutes because that is the length of their attention span? And then maybe they need to get up to wiggle and will come back for another 6-8 minutes in a bit?
 
Are you expecting your child to love homework and do it happily all the time? Or is it realistic that hobbies and play may excite them more and you will need to teach about responsibilities and balancing time?
 
Do you expect your child to never have a separate thought, desire, or idea than you? Or is it realistic that your child is a person of their own, with their own mind, their own interpretations, their own influences, and will have many differing opinions, ideas, interests, etc than you, even though they live in your home with you?
 
Do you expect your child to be an emotionless robot, behaving like the perfect little character from a movie? Or is it realistic that your child is human, with all the same emotions as you, who is just learning about them and how to handle them, who struggles, who is trying, who will forever be dealing with their emotions?
 
It is so helpful to check in with ourselves, and look at our thoughts, opinions, reactions etc, to ask ourselves – is this right? Does it make sense that I think this? Is this thought true? Where does this belief stem from?
 
When we question ourselves in this way, we become more aware of the thoughts we hold and the beliefs we have, and why we have them. We can make more sense of our feelings, thoughts, and actions, and lead a life with more clarity and calmness.
 
why do I yell so much
 

Warn your kids when you’re in a mood, ask for their help

I love this one and do it often. 

If I can feel myself getting angry or being overwhelmed by stress, I tell my kids.

I might say, “I am feeling so frustrated. I need some time to myself so I do not yell and get out of control. Please stay separate from me for 5 minutes, I am going outside for fresh air.”

Or, I might say, “It has been a very rough day for me, I need some quiet time right now. Let’s turn on a show for you and mommy is going to hop in the shower by myself. Go get a snack and bring me your ipad so I can turn it on for you.”

Or, “mom is really really sad right now. I would love a hug to help me feel better.”

Being transparent in this way, instead of trying to hide it or trying to ‘keep it all together in front of the kids’ not only shows them healthy ways to handle feelings like sadness and anger, it also gets your needs met, keeps you from yelling, and brings the family closer through empathy, hugs, and consideration.

Teach your child lessons in calm, non-emotional moments

Do you find that you often yell when you are trying to make a point or teach your child a lesson? Like, “you know it’s not ok to hit your brother! Why did you do that?! Hitting is dangerous, you know that!”
 
If you are not calm, it is very hard not to yell.
 
If you teach lessons in calm moments, you are almost guaranteed to never yell (and effectively teach and talk to your child better!)
 
Children (and even adults) have a much harder time listening to directions or remembering things while yelling is happening.
 
This is not to say you can’t be upset about the hitting or that you are not going to be stern and serious when talking about hitting, but you need to not be overwhelmed by your upset to the point you are yelling and being scary to your child rather than making a clear point that they will learn from.
 
Many parents believe they need to be scary or mean, or yell, to make a point or teach a lesson. That is not true. 
 
Think of a time when you learned something that stuck with you. What was the setting like? Were you calm? Did you feel safe? Supported? Did someone you like and respect say a quote or a line that stood out to you.
 
Lessons are best learned, aka information is better recieved, when we are connected, feeling safe, and calm.
 
So, the next time you feel like you are about to explode – stop. Find your calm. Then, think about what kind of points you want to make and questions you want to ask, to teach your child a clear lesson.
 
Lessons are BEST learned without yelling and anger.
 
Relationships are healthier without yelling and rage.
 
Here is what this might look like in action:
 
“Hitting is not ok. I am going to separate you two. *Me taking 2 big deep breaths* You have hit your brother a few times, what’s going on? How are you feeling? (Maybe he says sad) What will make you feel better instead of hitting? We need to find other ways for you to handle your feelings. I can’t let you play with your brother or anyone, if you are hitting them ok? What else can you do? Maybe get a hug and cuddle your teddy?”
 
In this scenario, I helped myself calm down before I tried to help my child, so I could do so calmly without yelling, and to make a clear point.
 
I was very clear about the boundary of no hitting, why, what would happen if they did it again, asked them what they are feeling (remember, feelings drive behaviors), and offered some support to help them through so the behavior would stop.
 
If he were to hit again, I would do something more like, separate them for the day.
 
Also with this example, I always check on the hurt person first, apologize, and tell them that was not ok and that I will talk to the other person.
 

Keep track of your progress and what is working best for you 

List some new things you want to try, check them off when you do.

Tally how many times you yelled and how many times you released stress in a different way.

Write down your goal and look at it and your progress regularly. 

You are your best accountability partner!

Celebrate yourself and reward your progress and accomplishments

Treat yourself, mom! 
 
Congratulate yourself!
 
Share with your friends and family the strides you have made and how proud you are!
 
Others who care about you will congratulate you, celebrate you, and encourage you further! 
 
You are likely to inspire others, too!
 
Think of rewards that excite and motivate you for milestones that you reach like not yelling in xyz situation, not yelling all day, not yelling all week, etc…
 
can yelling at a child be harmful

 

Make it a family team effort, get everyone on board

Have a family meeting and talk about how you are going to start focusing on not yelling. 

Share some of the things you are going to do instead. 

Tell them how you want this to be a family project that everyone partakes in.

Ask them what their ideas are for relieving stress in healthier ways.

Ask them what family rewards they want if you all cut down on yelling.

Getting everyone working as a team can make all the difference in a family!

Carve out time to fill your own cup

In order to be the parent and person we want to be, not just the one going through the motions of our to do lists, we must carve out time in our daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly calendars to fill our own cup. 
 
Think: meeting a friend, taking a trip with just your partner, doing a hobby like painting, sewing, roller blading, going on date nights, going to a party with only adults, hitting happy hour with friends…
 
Doing this stuff fills our soul, soothes us, rejuvenates us, allows us to just be – no to do list – and recharge.
 
When our needs are met in this way, we have more balance, more release, more ‘take’ not all ‘give’, and are able to handle stress differently, therefore will be able to yell less.
 

Write down how you want to behave toward your child when you are mad and consciously aim for that 

What do you aspire to do instead of yell? 

Maybe you’ve said to a friend, “I wish I was the parent who didn’t yell at their all the time.”

Take some time to write down details about the type of mom you want to be in those tense moments…

What does that mom do? 

How do they stay calm? 

How do they handle tough situations?

What are some things they say to their children?

How do their children respond to them?

What does the family’s routine look like?

This kind of ‘journaling’ and visualizing exercise can really help you paint the picture of who you want to be, so you can start doing the things they do!

It’s cool because, you will find that you actually have a lot of answers and solutions you didn’t realize you had within you already!

 

Learn about how yelling affects children so you have added motivation to avoid yelling

According to research, yelling can have negative effects on children’s emotional and mental well-being, immediately and in the long-run.

Frequent yelling and shouting can cause children to experience anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem, and can also lead to behavioral problems such as aggression and disobedience.

Studies have also found that children who are frequently yelled at have a higher risk of developing mood disorders and other mental health issues later in life.

Yelling can also damage the parent-child relationship and lead to resentment, a breakdown in communication. Children who are yelled at may become less likely to confide in their parents or seek their guidance, which can make it more difficult for parents to address issues, discipline, teach, and concerns as they arise.

Additionally, frequent yelling can create a stressful and tense home environment, which can affect the entire family’s well-being, happiness, and quality of life.

It’s important for parents to try to avoid yelling and shouting, and to instead use positive reinforcement of the behavior they want to see, and use other strategies to discipline and change unwanted behaviors.

When conflicts or issues do arise, parents should strive to communicate calmly and respectfully with their children, and to work together to find solutions that benefit everyone involved, remembering that you are team meant to uplift and support one another.

Learn about the parenting style with the best child outcomes – authoritative parenting

 The parenting style with the best child outcomes is authoritative parenting.

Authoritative parents set high standards for their children but also provide them with the support and resources they need to meet those standards. They are responsive to their children’s emotional needs and provide them with guidance and structure while also encouraging independence and individuality.

Studies have shown that children raised by authoritative parents are more likely to be self-disciplined, socially responsible, and academically successful. They also tend to have better mental health and higher self-esteem. Additionally, authoritative parenting has been linked to a lower risk of behavioral problems, substance abuse, and delinquency in children.

Overall, authoritative parenting is considered the best parenting style because it promotes healthy development and positive outcomes for children. It emphasizes the importance of communication, respect, and mutual understanding between parents and children, which ultimately leads to stronger relationships and better overall well-being for the family.

Three books I highly recommend, that will help you become more of an authoritative parent, are:

The Montessori Toddler

How To Talk To Kids So They Listen & Listen So Kids Talk

The Whole Brain Child 

why do i lose my temper with my kids

Take a parenting class and get lots of support and hands-on practice in making this change

By immersing yourself into a ‘how to stop yelling’ parenting class, you will learn priceless skills, techniques, and phrases that will support you in switching old habits to new, healthier, more authoritative ones.

You will have the support of the instructor and have a community of other parents around you with the same old habits and new goals in mind and heart.

While reading a book can provide a wealth of information and knowledge, there are several benefits to taking a class that simply cannot be replicated by reading alone.

Firstly, taking a class allows for direct interaction with the instructor and other students. This means that questions can be asked and answered in real-time, and discussions and debates can enrich the learning experience. In addition, classes often offer hands-on activities, group projects, and other opportunities for practical application of the material being taught.

Secondly, classes provide structure and accountability. By committing to attending a class at a specific time and place, students are more likely to prioritize their learning and stay on track with their studies. In contrast, reading a book may be done sporadically and without a clear plan for progression.

Lastly, taking a class can offer additional resources and support. This may include access to a library of materials, tutoring services, or online resources that can supplement the learning experience.

In conclusion, while both reading and taking classes have their own advantages, the interactive nature, structure, and additional resources provided by classes make them a more helpful option for many learners.

You Might Also Like: 

How To Get Your 4 Year Old To Listen Every Time (Without Yelling)

Permissive Parenting Style – What It Is & Child Outcomes

How To Avoid Power Struggles With Toddlers

Why do I yell at my child so much?

Research suggests that parents who yell at their children do so for a variety of reasons.

One reason may be that parents are stressed out and overwhelmed with the demands of parenting. In these cases, yelling may be a way for parents to release their frustrations and feel a sense of control.

Another reason may be that parents lack effective communication skills and resort to yelling as a way to get their point across.

Additionally, parents may yell when they feel that their children are not listening or not following their rules. In some cases, parents may have been yelled at themselves as children and believe that this is an acceptable way to discipline their own children. Likewise, they may have been ignored as a child and feel triggered by their own children not listening to them.

It’s wonderful that you are recognizing that yelling is a problem for you and your child, and are seeking out alternative ways to communicate, relieve stress, and discipline in better, healthier ways.

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Can yelling at a child be harmful?

Yelling at a child regularly can have negative effects on their physical, emotional, and mental health.

Children who are yelled at regularly may experience a range of outcomes that can affect their development and wellbeing.

Firstly, children who are yelled at may develop low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression.

They may feel unloved and unsupported, leading to feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness.

This can also lead to a lack of confidence and social withdrawal.

Secondly, regular yelling can negatively impact a child’s cognitive development. It can affect their ability to concentrate, focus, and learn.

This can lead to poor academic performance and a lack of motivation to learn.

Lastly, children who are yelled at may develop behavioral problems such as aggression, defiance, and rebellion. They may become desensitized to yelling and other forms of verbal abuse, leading to a cycle of negative behavior and communication.

In summary, yelling at children regularly can have serious and long-lasting effects on their physical, emotional, and mental health.

It’s very important for parents and caregivers to use positive and constructive communication strategies, discipline, and stress relief to promote a healthy, beneficial, and positive environment for their growing children.

 

 

Why do I lose my temper with my kids?

Every parent struggles at times.

Much like why parents yell at their children, losing your temper can be caused by:

  • Overwhelm and stress from parenting or other parts of life – financial stress, relationship stress, being rushed or pressed for time, work stress, family issues, are all things that can cause overwhelm and stress in an adult’s life.
  • Feeling not listened to that may trigger feelings of being ignored in childhood by one’s own parents.
  • Feeling hopeless, helpless, depressed.
  • Parenting habits that have been instilled from one’s own childhood experience – your parents yelled and spanked you so you do the same/think the same is acceptable.
  •  Misaligned expectations. When a parent expects their 4 year old to sit and eat like an adult, they might find they are constantly frustrated and losing their temper at the dinner table.
  •  Deeper emotional issues – some of us have more complex emotional challenges that we face and therapy could help us uncover the causes and heal from them.

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difference between authoritarian and authoritative parenting

When is it ok to yell?

We are all human, yet given the severe consequences of yelling, we must make it a conscious effort to avoid yelling.

In emergency situations, it can be important to yell. And, if you don’t regularly yell, your child will most likely be guaranteed to listen to what you are saying.

Situations when it is ok to yell might be when:

  • Your child is in immediate danger – maybe about to fall off of something or touch something hot.
  • Your child is far away and may barely hear you
  • You get separated in public and can’t find your children
  • Siblings or playmates are being too rough with one another in a dangerous way and you aren’t able to immediately reach them/intervene

When I yell in a non-emergency situation, I like to repair right away or as soon as I can (after finding my calm) by saying something like – “I’m sorry for yelling. That is not ok to talk to you like that and make you feel bad. I am stressed and need a few minutes alone and we can talk again after.”

How long will it take for me to stop yelling?

Depending on what supports you have in place (reading books, taking classes, connecting with non-yelling parents) and what strategies you try to use (journaling about why you yell, writing out what type of parent you want to be, actively practicing different stress relief and discipline techniques), you could see change today.

Maybe you yell one less time today. Amazing. That’s progress.

Maybe you yell two less times tomorrow because you pinpointed the situations where you usually yell and catch yourself before you yell, take a minute, and then talk to your child when you are calm. Incredible. That is progress!

Remember to celebrate the steps that will take you to the end goal of not yelling anymore.

Give yourself time to practice different communication and discipline, and you could see great results in 7-10 days.

According to author James Clear of Atomic Habits (an excellent book to read about achieving goals by tweaking habits), a new habit takes 66 days to form and become a default.

So, give yourself time. 7-66 days time 😉 You got this!

You and your family will have a very different home life in no time!

 Just focus on your progress toward the goal, rather than the goal itself, and you will be on your way!

Immerse yourself in this new way of life and you will become what you want to become.

Sending you all the support,

Xx Poppy

About Low Stress Motherhood

We are more than the stress that we carry.

Let's harness the chaos so we can find your happy place in motherhood. I'm here to help moms find some solace and helpful resources that ease the load of motherhood and allow them to show up as the person they want to be, for themselves and their children.
 
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