An Overstimulated Mom’s Guide To Finding Peace Each Day

With this guide, overstimulation doesn’t have to be a daily occurrence any longer.

Today, we begin to pave a new path in your parenting journey that bids adieu to the crippling overstimulation that is overwhelming and further exhausting you.

We will work together to baby step our way out of the cycle of overstimulation and stress that you’re currently in.

We will breathe deeper, thrive more, shed some of that pestering stress, like a snake sheds it’s skin.

Starting today, you will no longer describe yourself as a mom who suffers from daily overstimulation.

No.

1. Repeat A Mantra (say it often each day!)

Creating one, or several ‘motherhood mantras’, that you repeat out loud throughout your day, can help you relax, focus, and reduce your anxiety. 

Research suggests that repeating mantras to ourselves can positively affect our overall well-being.

Here are some daily mantras that help me:

• • • This is hard. I can do hard things.
    • I am having a hard time, and that’s normal. I am going to step away for a minute until I feel better.
    • They (my child) is having a hard time and needs some help. I can help them. This is part of my job as a parent.
    • I can handle this calmly and productively.
    • I can respond to my upset child calmly, and save teaching moments for when they’re calm and able to focus.
    • I deserve quiet time to myself, daily. Taking breaks throughout the day is important for my well-being.
    • This season of life is different and messier than before.
    • Today will have it’s beautiful moments and it will have it’s challenging moments.

2. Incorporate Therapeutic Breathing 

Did you know that ‘voo’ breathing stimulates the vagus nerves that run from your brain to your large intestine, and activates the parasympathetic nervous system, resulting in an immediate feeling of calm and relaxation?

Try it. It’s pretty incredible.

It’s my favorite instant self-calming practice, that my children also do, and sometimes our entire family hugs and ‘voos’ together.

I instantly notice this almost inner massage-type feeling, tingly and deeply soothing.

I love using breathing to help myself re-align after a moment of overstimulation, frustration, or anger, because it is something I am in full control of.

I don’t have to wait for or depend on anyone else.

I look at breathing as ‘helping myself, right here and now’.

Here are some therapeutic breathing techniques I want you to consider trying:

• • • Voo breathing (my favorite)
    • Box breathing (kids love this one)
    • Belly breathing (diaphragmatic breathing)
    • Alternate nostril breathing
    • Humming bee breath

3. Step Away & Physically Release Stress For A Moment

Physically releasing stress is extremely helpful for an overstimulated mom because it allows the body to get rid of any built-up tension from stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol.

This is why yelling feels good – because it relieves stress.

But, as parents, we know that yelling can be damaging to our children and our relationship with our children, so stepping away and physically releasing stress in a healthier was very important.

Engaging muscles and releasing endorphins can boost mood and calm the nervous system and bring us back to a relaxed state.

Here is what I find very helpful to do when I step away to physically release stress in a moment of overstimulation:

• Stand up, stretch my neck on each side, stretch my arms, and stretch my jaw. (I often follow this with some voo breathing.)

• Step away and scream into a pillow, followed by voo breathing

• Go look out a window and do a few jumping jacks

• Step outside and engage 4 of my senses – what do I see, smell, hear, feel. I focus my mind on those things for a few moments (sometimes I do this inside if I can’t get outside).

4. Evaluate Your Space

Visual clutter can overstimulate you just as much as the constant cry of a baby.

Additionally, home decor that you think is beautiful or that brings you joy, can help make your space feel more calming and comforting.

Look around at your space – is it overstimulating you? Does it visually calm you and bring you joy?

Make your space a cozy sanctuary, rather than an over-filled storage unit! 

Re-organizing and redecorating part of my home is one of my go-tos, especially after experiencing more overstimulation than usual.

My space can have a significant impact on my emotions and reactions.

Maybe you’re like me?

As parents, we know our homes will never look like staged homes again, but we can still aim to maintain an organized home, with clear open spaces, and decor that brings us joy, so that we enjoy being in our space.

So, take a look around and recognize if your space is adding to the problem of overstimulation.

If so, prioritize re-organizing and de-cluttering your space so that you can feel a sense of peace and comfort when you look around, and move around in your home, as opposed to feeling overwhelmed and frustrated in the space.

Here are some things you may want to try to create a more calming home space:

• • • Donate things you no longer use.
  • • Clear off counters so you have an open, clear space each day.
  • • Add organizer bins for shoes and bags that might clutter near you entryway.
  • • Use earth-friendly paper plates to minimize dishes.
  • • Add plants to bring fresh air and natural beauty into your home.
  • • Re-organize to make more space in places like the pantry, cabinets, closets, garage, etc.
  • • Add home decor that brings you joy when you look at it.
  • • Create a new plan of maintaining a more clutter-free, organized home that is calming.
    • Involve your children in helping tidy and re-organizing. It’s a great family habit to have!
    • Plug your child into an activity while you take 15-20 minutes to focus on re-organizing or redecorating one area if they can’t be involved.

5. Check In With Your Thinking Habits 

Have you heard of negativity bias?

Basically, we humans are more likely to register negative information and dwell on negative things.

According to the National Science Foundation, 80% of human thoughts are negative and 95% are repetitive.

So, we must monitor our thoughts.

We must filter and redirect them.

We need to create healthier thinking habits that support more calmness and contentment.

Especially when we are in situations of heightened stress.

One saying that has helped my mental health immensely since becoming a mom is – ‘not all the thoughts our brain has are true’.

Isn’t that powerful and reassuring?

Even if a thought pops up in our mind, we get to choose whether or not to believe it, if we are going to dwell on it, and choose to replace it with another thought altogether.

Because, remember, what we think drives how we feel.

And how we feel, drives how we behave.

Maybe read that again.

I love the control that monitoring our thoughts gives us for our mental health.

When we shape our thoughts, and choose to think more about the positive and minimize the negative, we empower ourselves to be happier, healthier, more content moms and people, in general.

Here are some unhelpful thinking patterns that can negatively influence the way we feel:

• 1. • All-or-Nothing Thinking / Black-White Thinking –  Seeing things in terms of extremes or absolutes. Using terms such as “never”, “always”, or “every”. Ie: “I’m always going to fail at everything”, “If I don’t get everything done on my to do list, I have failed.” 
     • Magnification (Catastrophizing) or Minimization – Exaggerating or minimizing the meaning, importance, or likelihood of an event. Magnification ie: “I made a mistake at work and my manager will want to talk to me. She will write me up then I will lose my job.” or Minimization ie: “My annual review was completed. I received high scores for most of my review, but I don’t think I am doing enough.” 
     • Should Statements – Unhelpful “shoulds” are based on values or beliefs. When we or others don’t meet those expectations we may feel guilt, anger, or disappointment. Ie: “My child should know better by now! They are 3 years old, sharing shouldn’t be an issue anymore.” or “I shoud have 2 children by the time I’m 30 or I’m a failure.” In these cases, it’s best to replace “should” with “I hope”, “I wish”, “I would like.” 
     • Overgeneralization – Making interpretations based on one or two events and believing that these events are now a pattern. Ie: I didn’t do well in that interview. I am going to do poorly in all my interviews. 
     • Disqualifying The Positives – Paying attention to only the negative parts of a situation and ignoring the positives. Ie: A person may receive several compliments and one critique and then dismiss all the compliments they received because of that critique. 
     • Magical Thinking – The belief that the world is fair and if someone does good things thta bad things will not happen to them. When In reality, bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people. 
     • Emotional Reasoning – The belief that our emotions represent fact and reality. Ie: A person receives a B on a test, and they believe they are stupid so this must be fact. This is an irrational belief because a person’s feelings do not represent fact.
     • Personalization – The belief that you are to blame for things that are out of your control. Ie: My toddler doesn’t like me because they always cry when it’s my turn to put them to bed. or – My coworker must have been upset with me because they did not smile at me in the hallway today.
     • Jumping To Conclusions – Interpreting the meaning of the situation without having all the facts.
       • Mind Reading – The belief that you can read someone’s mind and jumping to the conclusion that someone is thinking negatively about you. Ie: My manager frowned while we were having a virtual meeting so I know he hated my ideas.
       • Fortune Telling – The belief that you can see the future and jumping to the conclusion that it will be bad. Ie: Daycare drop offs are hard right now. They will always be hard. or – My toddler is picky. They will be a picky kid until they are an adult.