11 Shares

this article may contain affiliate links, which means I may get a small commission at no extra cost to you

Picky Eating Toddlers:

The Ultimate Starter Guide To Overcoming Fussy Children's Eating Habits

Picky Eating Toddlers

Picky eating toddlers are fighting mealtime battles with their parents at any given moment, around the world. Are you living the struggle?

Mealtimes are a war zone, leaving parents walking on egg shells and completely stressed and exhausted each night by 6pm. Do you find mealtime more painful than enjoyable with your toddler?

Let’s change that today!

Let’s start to feel good about your picky eating approach!

Let’s start to see some adventurous eating!

Let’s start to see your toddler discovering new foods they like!

Let’s start actually enjoying meals and not worrying about whether your child is destined to be picky and unhealthy (they are not!)

Read this next:

8 Phrases To Stop Saying To Your Picky Toddler At Mealtime That Can Make Picky Eating WORSE

Toddler Won’t Eat Vegetables? Here’s What To Do

As a daycare and preschool owner, and mom of twin toddlers, I know how ever-present the worry and stress and mom guilt can be if you are a parent who is dealing with fussy children’s eating habits in your home.

And I want to be a part of the online voice that helps parents like you uncover the power and control they have within themselves (and release themselves from the stress!) to transform mealtimes into a calmer, more enjoyable family experience, asap. (and it’s all probably more simple and playful than you think! Although it’s not ONLY about cute sandwich cutouts and heart-shaped cheese – but these are hugely appealing to toddlers!)

Between breakfast and snack and lunch and snack and dinner….whew! There is a whole lot of feeding going on!

With this picky toddlers starter guide, you will have everything you need to transform your picky eating toddlers into more open, more willing and more cooperative dinner table guests.

Picky Eating Toddlers Starter Guide

Start setting ground rules & weathering their big feelings

1. If you don’t already have rules around mealtime that your toddler knows about and that you enforce – time to change that!

You can lovingly say and enforce a rule like “this is what’s for dinner tonight. I know you love mac n cheese we can have that with tomorrow’s dinner. Let’s look on our plate again for 2 things you love.”

They might cry. Ok, totally normal expression of their upset. Nothing that is going to sway your rule and enforcement. You can make room for listening to their cries, helping them through it, then moving on.

Weathering their cries might sound like, “I hear you babe, you really wanted mac n cheese. We’ll have it tomorrow. Let’s eat what we have here tonight. If you want to go hug your lovey and come back when you feel better, that is fine.” You also might offer a hug for a minute.

The more consistent you are with setting and enforcing fair mealtime rules (while also serving new foods alongside ones they love), the less outbursts you will see after a week or so.

Give your toddler a 3-day heads up about the new mealtime rules and then start reminding and enforcing them.

Try and get your partner on board but, know that if they struggle enforcing or listening to crying, that you taking the lead and giving the tips in this picky eating toddlers starter guide for a few weeks, will still work!

2. Always be sure to serve 2-3 foods your toddler enjoys at every meal and snack. Truth is, food in all it’s many forms is still so new to your toddler. They have actual fear toward unknown foods and when we recognize that, we can approach mealtimes with more compassion and preparedness for this fact.

Say you’re serving meat lasagna that you haven’t had for a couple of months. Be sure to add some strawberries and roasted broccoli along with it (if they love those things. Choose 2 things they love.)

I always go with 2-3 things when I can, that way if that is all they eat, I feel good that it was a couple or a few diverse and/or wholesome things.

Add snack foods they love as a side to their meals

3. Does your toddler looOOOoooOve snacks? Do they ask for snacks after not eating the dinner you serve? Head back to your new mealtime rules (ie: we will not have a snack after dinner, except a banana) and then, sprinkle some of their snack favorites on the side of their main meal!

At breakfast you could add some graham crackers alongside their eggs and sausage.

At lunch you could add some cheddar bunnies next to their bean burrito.

For dinner, you could put some popcorn alongside their lasagna.

Remind them this is all there is for breakfast/lunch/dinner

4. Does your toddler say, “I don’t want that!” or “I’m not hungry”, you can respond with something like: “ok this is what we have for lunch today. Check and make sure your tummy isn’t hungry, this is all the food we have for lunch today and there will be no snack until after nap. That’s a long time from now. Check your tummy.”

Doing this reminds them of your mealtime rule and gets them focused less on what you are serving and more on how their body feels – am I feeling hungry? Oh, I better eat.

Make sure there are 2-3 things they like with the meal and you won’t feel any guilt about setting and enforcing this mealtime rule. It is fair and maintains balance for all!

Leave the meal for them to come back to when they’re ready

5. If your toddler is saying they aren’t hungry or isn’t eating at the usual mealtime – no need to stress or push or engage in a power struggle (I know it can be hard not to want to engage!), try this instead: “Ok, your food will be here when you are feeling hungry”, and leave it on the island, the dinner table or their little table – somewhere they can access it on their own when they feel hungry.

Boom! How freeing for you and simple, right!? And the amazing news is – this WORKS SO WELL! I use it regularly for my twins and all my daycare and preschool picky eating toddlers. Fair, meets their needs and effective.

If you don’t rush right to bath and then bedtime, what’s the harm? Let the lasagna, peas, cantaloupe and goldfish sit for an hour. They might come back when they are less distracted, feeling more hungry, feeling less grumpy… whatever it might have been keeping them from eating something.

No power struggle at all! Magic, right?! DON’T knock it until you try it for a week 😉

You might choose to tell them to sit with the family during mealtime, whether they are eating or not, so everyone can hang out and talk (instead of letting them wander or play) this is different in every home. If you have them sit, it’d be best to engage them about their day, and old memory together or something so they aren’t fidgeting and fussing.

Also, remember that toddlers aren’t developing as rapidly as babies, so their appetite, no matter how active they are compared to their baby-self, is usually less. And toddlers don’t need much.

For reference, here is the recommended portion sizes of protein for toddlers, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics,

2-3 servings of 2-3 ounces of cooked lean meat, poultry, or fish per day. A serving in this group may also consist of 1/2 cup of cooked dry beans, one egg, or 2 tablespoons of peanut butter for each ounce of lean meat.

Feel better? Good!!

And, if you find that your toddler isn’t usually hungry at mealtime, check these two things:

are they grazing all day? You can help change that with more structure and mealtime rules.

are you serving snacks within 2 hours of mealtime? Try and keep snacks at least 2 hours from mealtime. This is the guideline from the USDA feeding program I follow for my preschool and it works well.

want to potty train easier? without unmanageable big feelings?

my Peaceful Potty Training course teaches you my simplified method built for ‘strong-willed’, uninterested and scared toddlers, in a way that feels loving, nurturing, natural. ALL the information you need in ONE place, covering all the scenarios like refusing to sit, withholding poop, pushback, constipation, frequent accidents and more:

Do some ‘food play’ during play time

6. Get your child hands on with new foods in a pressure-free, fun setting. Why? So they learn about foods, get more comfortable with foods, more curious and open toward them. THIS is what creates an adventurous eater who loves meals and mealtime!

Not sure where to start with food play? Check out my blog post on 6 Food Exposure Activities That Can Get Your Picky Eater To Try New Foods.

And grab my FREE Transforming Picky Eating Starter Guide herefor step-by-step guidance on how to change picky eating with food play and more, in 1-4 weeks!

Say some playful things about new foods

7. Toss out forcing, bribing, shaming – any of that old school stuff that keeps you in a cycle of power struggles and mealtime drama and can create long-term negative effects on your child (and the parent-child relationship). There are actually 8 major phrases you need to avoid at mealtime that can make picky eating WORSE. No thank you!

Try getting playful instead!

Build their curiosity! (Remember, there are so many foods and about foods that they don’t know yet! Teach them, describe things, tell them!!)

Pique their interest a little!

If your toddler says, “eeew, I don’t like that!”, you can say, “Oh, that’s new! You’ve never had that before. It’s pineapple! It’s from Hawaii by the beach! And it’s a little sweet like candy and tangy! Whoa, mine is so sweet! Is yours sweet too??”

I reminded them they don’t know this foods yet. I shared a cool fact about pineapple they didn’t know. I said candy – what kid doesn’t love candy! I tried mine, loved it and invited them to answer my question (which subtly encourages them to try it so they can answer).

This is playful and gets them curious and interested in this new, foreign food. WOOOHOOO!

Keep mealtime light and enjoyable so they are happy and open

8. I know this can be hard and hard to imagine, especially if you have struggled with picky eating toddlers and mealtime battles for some time. A lot of what we hear from our friends with picky toddlers (and on social media) is much the same – picky toddlers can’t be helped etc, and we just feel helpless. Fooey!

I ask you now to have some faith. And, if you are reading this right now, I can only assume that you believe there is a way to overcome the fussy children’s eating habits you are experiencing, and are willing to try something new and different. Yay! I’m so glad. I want to see you stressing less at meals, asap!

From now on, make it a priority in your mind to make mealtime feel calm, connected, happy and enjoyable for all – not a fight, a battle, an upset and closed off time…

Remember, how we feel dictates how we act…

(Have you ever been to an uncomfortable dinner party? How did you behave as compared to when you are at a super fun bbq with friends? I bet you are more open and laid back at the bbq, aren’t you? Well, if that’s what you want for mealtimes at home too, we must take a look at the atmosphere and how we are treating our toddlers – and how we are allowing them to treat us (ie: short order cook, annoyance, stress and resentment building up)….

Next time you sit for a meal, ask yourself:

How can I make this meal a calm and happy time for me and my picky toddler while also maintaining our new mealtime rules? (Psst: it’s about serving the meal with 2-3 things they like, weathering their big feelings, enforcing mealtime rules and moving on without blaming, shaming or battling)

What can I do a little differently to make mealtime less of a stressful struggle? (Psst: let go of controlling how much or what your picky eating toddlers eat after you serve it, and instead serve 1 new food with 2-3 they love and get playful and direct when they say, “I don’t want that!” or “yuck!”)

The vibe at your dinner table matters SO MUCH! We want your picky toddler to feel good (aka not forced) so they are open to new foods AND we want you to feel good (not annoyed making 3 different meals and stressed about nutrition).

Overall, the less negative association your picky toddler has with mealtime, the more open and willing they will become. And the more you remind and enforce fair mealtime rules, the happier and less stressed about nutrition and power struggles you will be!

Serve foods in fun shapes & with fun tools

9. Yes, forks and food picks with bunny and lion faces, and pancakes shaped into a rainbow unicorn can work for many. For other picky eating toddlers, they might not.

It’s worth a try!

I personally do more food play, talking and teaching about foods and enforce mealtime rules (download my FREE picky toddler guide on how here!) than I do spending time creating beautiful-food masterpieces. But, if you are into it and you think your picky toddler will be more into the foods – do it!

This bento box set is awesome with all the tools you need for mealtime cuteness and diversity – silicone cups, fun-shaped food cutters, silly googley eyes, animal food picks and even sweet little notes for a lunchbox.

And this cookbook can help you create some simple, healthy, fun-looking foods that appeal to picky eating toddlers.

Sometimes, with picky eating toddlers, I’ve simply served meals on a cutting board, in a mixing bowl, with a huge spoon or a single chopstick and they have lots more fun eating this way.

Mix it up! See what your toddler takes to.

**Random tip: Sometimes, I’ll sit next down next to a picky toddler while they are playing, eating something out of a pot, that I want them to try. They notice me eating and sometimes they ask for some! I never offer, I chomp away and let them ask me. They have the control. And, I mean – toddlers always want the foods we have, huh? Lol.

I’ve gotten picky eating toddlers to try kale, spinach, asparagus, tofu, tuna, shrimp, zucchini – SO many things by doing this! Give it a try!

Ask more questions

10. Try asking more questions about new foods, as opposed to telling your picky toddler to ‘try it, try it’.

For example, you might ask things like:

Can you balance your carrot stick on your nose like this? (getting them comfortable touching foods is acceptance, and one step closer to them trying it!)

Ooooh, these crackers are like my favorite cheezits! Yum! Crunchy! Are yours crunchy too?

Oh! This is like rice! I love rice with my chicken! It’s a little creamy too. Is yours creamy like mine??

Bring some new foods out during story time

11. YES!! One of the things that has had the MOST POWERFUL effect with picky eating toddlers is: bringing a basket of veggies to story time! I ask everyone to grab and feel the veggies while I read about the farmer’s market, brown bear, the hungry caterpillar, elmo – whatever! (I never talk about tasting or eating, as this could feel scary and pressuring to them and that’s not what I want! I want them to be open and explore! I want them to take the lead and be in control within the setting I create! See?)

Why does story time work time and time again? Because toddlers love story time. It is special, calm, safe time; a time to learn and open their minds to new things and focus their imagination on awesome things.

This is the perfect state to be in!

Even the pickiest of picky toddlers have grabbed at a zucchini or cucumber and sniffed, licked, gnawed away!! AMAZING!

You eat and enjoy (exaggerate a little)

12. Model a happy, healthy, adventurous food relationship and your toddler will learn from mere observation.

“I love this roasted broccoli so much!”

“Oh! This is new!! What is it? Let me try it and see what I think. Wow, I love it!”

“Mmmmmm. mac n cheese with peas is my favorite!!!”

“This beef and cheese burrito tastes exactly the same even with chopped spinach in it!!!”

“Hmm, I tried this and don’t like it too much, I will put it on the side for now.”

I like to think of it as if you are acting like a toddler lol. It has an effect! They identify with it! They are filled with big actions and reactions so this speaks to them and builds food interest and curiosity. They want to be a part of the noise, the joy the loud and fun!

Keep in mind, as your picky toddler grows they will catch on to a lot of the habits you have – including those around food.

Notice when you or your husband says yuck. Notice when you say ‘bad foods’ (but then still eat them – like oreos or cake or candies…) Avoiding labels ‘good’ and ‘bad’ is best.

All of these instances are teaching and molding your child over time.

Set limits on foods and tell them why

13. Similar to setting mealtime rules, I set limits on certain foods and explain why.

I like to talk about foods as they are, for example my twins love cupcakes, licorice, lollipops and popsicles. I always had them around the house now and again, but grandpa recently moved close and he brings them around regularly.

Outside of my conversation with grandpa (less please!), I also talk with my girls and say, “I know you love cupcakes but I can’t let you have one at every meal. We can have one today. You choose when you want it. We need to make sure we are eating lunch foods and dinner foods too, not just sugar foods. We need all the different foods to make sure our bodies feel good, grow, don’t get sick, can run fast…”

This is true, fair and important.

And just like with our mealtime rules, we may have to weather big feelings. Rollercoaster emotions are inevitable in toddlerhood because of their immature brains (despite them being so sharp too!), so we must make letting them feel their feelings – but not sway our important rules – a part of our parenting if we want to feel in control and less mom guilt, and provide our toddlers with the structure they need but can’t create for themselves yet.

Conclusion

Save this! Take some time to mull all of this over and slowly digest it all. There most likely will be unlearning to do and new habits you need to practice to make the changes you want to see.

Overcoming fussy children’s eating habits is NOT an overnight thing, so give yourself grace and keep the faith.

Give it a month of practicing all the tips you’ve learned in this picky eating toddlers starter guide and I guarantee you will come out of the 4 weeks with a very different eater than you went in with!! And, your family mealtimes will be more enjoyable!

Maybe share this article with a friend or two and do it together so you can check in with one another, keep each other accountable and share your wins and struggles with??

Xx Poppy

Watch my FREE Potty Training Masterclass and learn the optimal time to start potty training PLUS how to prepare your toddler, your mindset & your space!

Picky Eating Toddlers: The Ultimate Starter Guide To Overcoming Fussy Children’s Eating Habits

Picky Eating Toddlers:

The Ultimate Starter Guide To Overcoming Fussy Children's Eating Habits