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When Does Picky Eating Stop?
Geez! When does picky eating stop?
You google about it.
You talk about it with your spouse, your girlfriends, your childcare provider…
Your toddler’s picky eating is a source of constant worry and stress, some days you worry less, while other days you are exhausted and totally frustrated by the dinner table battles, food refusal and minimal intake.
You feel the immense pressure of keeping your toddler properly fueled with the nutrition they need to thrive and grow right alongside their playful peers.
That pressure weighs heavy. You might wonder, man! Should it be this difficult to feed my child?! Maybe you’ve tried bribing a taste, rewarding bites, tricking, or punishing when they don’t try something, all of which research has shown to work against the ultimate goal. BUT those can feel like the natural and sometimes, only, option. So what gives??
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Approximately 25% to 35% of toddlers and preschoolers are described by their parents as poor or ‘picky’ eaters, according to the U.S. National Library of Medicine.
In my professional experience, all but 4 of the 20+ toddlers I have cared for over the past almost-decade have been picky eaters. So that means about 80% have been picky eaters. Some were mildly picky, while others had expressed concern from their pediatricians for growth tracking and potential feeding therapy.
In this article, we will talk more about some common picky eater habits, when picky eating starts, what the research is saying about when it will stop, the things that have worked for me here at my daycare and preschool for overcoming picky eating habits, when to consider talking with a specialist, how much a toddler needs to eat and more, so you can get a better idea of the overall realities of picky eating and when it will stop…
Check out these helpful picky eater books:
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(A quick side note: I think we all can likely agree on the immense pressure we feel as parents today, to ‘parent better’ or ‘parent right’.
It’s important for us to always remember to choose what is important to us as parents, focus on those things/drown out the noise, and make attainable plans to meet the goals we set for ourselves. This way, we’ll have a path to follow and won’t feel like we are failing or end our days drenched in mom guilt.
Picky eating is a big guilt tripper/stressor for parents and before I dive into facts and tips, I just want you to remember that you can be a wonderful parent whether or not your child is picky. It does NOT define you!
With this article, I hope to help give you a look at toddlers overall (rather than just the view you have of your own) and share some useful tips you can try at home, that may work well for your family. End side note.)
So when does picky eating stop? Let’s explore all the factors that lead up to it and add to picky eating habits….
when picky eating starts
Signs of more selective eating can start from between 15 and 18 months, typically. You may see signs sooner or after this age range.
I say ‘selective’ now, and not ‘picky’ because, it is SO NORMAL for babies to eat anything and everything but then, as they grow, decide they like some foods more or less.
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4 New Habits That Will Change Your Picky Toddler’s Ways, ASAP
As they grow into toddlers, they are becoming more aware, making more decisions for themselves, doing more on their own, exploring the world more, communicating more, so naturally, they want to have more say in things they do and eat.
So, we can expect for them to have food preferences, dislike some things, and request their favorites, right?! Yes, 100%. They’ll also want more control over their choices. Totally fair, we can work with that.
Now, there is a difference between a toddler showing a preference for broccoli over asparagus, versus one who screams and kicks if you don’t serve them plain pasta and strawberries every night for dinner. So let’s get into that, the nitty gritty of common picky eating habits that toddlers have…
Common picky eater habits
(Oh and if you’re wondering! I share helpful tips for overcoming picky eating habits later. You can skip down to those if you prefer.)
- Some picky eaters are super sensitive to texture. You may notice that they avoid meats or feel most comfortable snacking. The reason for this is – snacks are often predictable and consistent in texture.
Often times for snack, toddlers will get some sort of dry crunchy cracker or cereal, soft fruit and maybe a cheese.
Check out these tools that make foods more appealing to picky toddlers:
Packaged foods are easily received by toddlers because they always have the same texture, same flavor, same colors, same look/feel (and are usually served at the same temperature). They are predictable and your toddler can rely on them being exactly what they know and/or like. Nothing scary about that! They know what’s up, they’re calm, comfortable, happy.
Meats on the other hand, unless they are nuggets, vary greatly in color, texture, presentation, taste, etc, depending on how they are prepared/what the recipe is. This can worry your child – what is this? Looks funny? Will I like it? I don’t know, scary!
Then, on top of that uncertainty, we parents often put pressure on them to eat it and get stressed or frustrated when they don’t which most likely makes our toddler feel uncomfortable and give pushback.
- Most picky eaters refuse new foods. Maybe they turn their plate or pick off new foods and place them to the side. Maybe they fuss or cry or break down into a tantrum if you set their plate down in front of them with foods they haven’t had before, demanding their favorites instead or saying, “I don’t want it, no!”
Check out these helpful books on food refusal:
In this case, sure, the dinner table battles are minimal, but you still have the challenge of them not eating much of a variety and have big feelings about different foods on their plate, which is a limiting relationship for them to have with food, and a lingering root of stress for you, daily.
- Many picky toddlers will say ‘I don’t like it’ without having tried a food.
- Some picky toddlers gag when seeing, smelling, feeling or tasting a new food.
Read this next:
1 Super Simple Thing That Can Get Your Picky Toddler Trying New Foods
- Many picky eaters will eat new or different foods at daycare or with other family members.
Check out these helpful tools for toddler ‘food learning’:
parental habits that make picky eating worse
Most parents deal with picky eating habits at one point or another. You are not alone in asking yourself, ‘when does picky eating stop?’ Unfortunately, in my experience, there is quite a bit of parental effort that needs to go into helping toddlers change their picky eating habits.
I say ‘unfortunately’ because it can be quite the lifestyle shift and takes calculated efforts that often seem insignificant and hard to track, but that compound over time, eventually allowing families to reap the wonderful, low stress benefits of a minimally picky household of eaters.
Staple habits of many of our parents and grandparents, made picky eating worse and they have become our societal default, all we know, and what we often lean into in times of desperation and frustration.
Some of those most common parental habits that can push toddlers to become even pickier are:
- punishing
- bribing
- forcing
- tricking
- rewarding
Ultimately, these things can diminish food and parent trust, respect, curiosity, food acceptance, and make mealtimes a stressful experience that toddlers don’t look forward to and grow to resent.
what works, according to research
Like most everything else with toddlers, they must learn about foods and be given the opportunity to get comfortable, to explore, to familiarize.
We might think – eating is such a natural part of living, it seems silly to have to teach about it – when in reality, just like they need to practice the act of eating as babies, they must also practice exploring new and different foods.
And truthfully, the less exposure a child has to variety, early on, the more likely they are to be picky (eh hem, scared or skeptical) of new or different foods.
Frequent exposure, regularly, in a positive environment will give you the best results.
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So as parents, we are posed with the unique challenge of creating frequent and regular opportunities for them to practice with new foods, in a positive environment, despite feelings they may have about it.
We must figure out ways we can talk to them about their feelings, validate them and guide their emotions and actions.
Experts from Stanford Health and the like, recommend low stress meal times filled with laughs, positive reinforcement, and conversation.
This presentation ‘Avoiding Picky Eating From Infancy To Early Childhood‘, put on by Stanford Children’s Health, is a very helpful and informative watch that will give you ideas including what to say and how to react to your toddler’s meal time responses and requests.
Other feeding experts like Ellyn Satter (who coined The Division of Responsibility) focus on setting up an appropriate eating environment and letting children naturally decide what they eat and how much.
This model follows the belief that babies are intuitive eaters who are to be trusted rather than persuaded to eat more than they feel they need, which may lead to confusion about satiation later in life.
Check out these picky toddler books by Ellyn & other experts:
When using The Division of Responsibility, it is best to have clear boundaries (not give too many choices or give into tantrums) around meal time.
A DOR example would be, ‘we are having chicken and rice for dinner. Do you want corn or broccoli with it?’ You decide what dinner is and maybe give them a choice of side. Then once you serve dinner, that’s it. You let them eat what they will, and there are no special requests.
The meal time setting here, again is positive, pleasant and includes the entire family. When just starting to use the DOR model, you can expect your toddler to have feelings. Know that you will have to weather them and empathize, comfort and help them work past them to get used to this new meal time routine.
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends early and frequent exposure to food variety, from a young age. This is why I love the baby led weaning methodology and philosophy. It really guides parents through how to let their baby explore food variety safely and independently, from the get go.
Not to worry though, if you are beyond the stage of starting solids. There are some specific time and toddler-tested things that work very well for slowly but surely changing picky eating habits. Let’s take a look at those now…
top tips from daycare and preschool experience
I’ve been working in ‘small batch’ childcare (or so I call it haha) with anywhere from 2-6 children at a time, ages 0-5 years old. I own a Montessori-inspired family daycare & preschool. So, the setting that I witness behaviors, experience different toddler personalities and milestones, learn things and test strategies, is a one-on-one, home environment. Additionally, I have twins of my own (toddlers).
Picky eating is always a hot topic with most of the parents I work with, just as listening is, because both can be such a problem for families to deal with. ‘They never listen to me! When does picky eating stop? Bah!’
Parenting a toddler is no doubt exhausting.
Other articles you might like:
How To Get Your Toddler To Listen Better – 7 Steps To Better Listening Today
Here are 8 things I do when ‘focusing’ on picky eating habits with a toddler:
1. Get some books with pictures of real foods. Cookbooks and gardening books are great for this!
It’s less about the words in the book, and more about looking through the pictures together, talking about the foods – their color, where they come from, how you can cook them etc.
2. Put out some real food as ‘food props’ at story time. This one sounds funny to a lot of people but – YES!
Toddlers LOVE story time. They are comfortable, open, interested – this is THE PERFECT time to introduce them to some new foods.
Remember, their food refusal often stems from fear, so introducing them to foods in a setting like story time that they love and are comfortable in, can allow for greater acceptance.
Simply hand them foods in their whole form (or place them nearby if they’re hesitant to grab them) and then encourage them to explore the foods by saying something like, “here, this is a squash. We’ll read about squashes today. And this is a cucumber. We’ll read about cucumbers too! And these are tomatoes from the neighbor’s garden. They’re so tiny and round, like a tiny ball!”
Story time is an excellent no-pressure, non-eating, learning setting for toddlers to freely explore foods!
3. Talk directly about their eating habits with them, in a serious tone. Even if they aren’t yet able to speak back thoroughly, discussing their eating habits in a serious tone can make an impact and create future change at meal time.
A lot of parents think, my toddler doesn’t really understand yet. But, research shows that toddlers can understand complex conversations far sooner than most parents think and talking to them in the appropriate tone can make all the difference.
“By as early as 14 months, children are masters at reading social cues: When we get angry, our voices get louder, our movements jerkier, and our breathing more rapid. By contrast, when we’re happy, we tend to speak gently and softly and to move and breathe more slowly.
In other words, no matter what you say, chances are your toddler gets the underlying message”, says Edward Schor, M.D., medical director at the Iowa Department of Public Health, in Des Moines.
4. Play food-focused games during play time to encourage touching, familiarizing and getting comfortable. I wrote this article that has 9 picky eater tips, including food-focused activity ideas like color sorting fruits and veggies, that can help you get started with this.
When toddlers are comfortable, they are open to being curious and taking the next step on their own. And when they are curious, they start to sniff, lick, even bite new foods! And soon, they are discovering a bunch of foods they like!
5. Make meal time chill and even goofy. Despite all the talk about food at story time, during play time and away from the table, we usually talk about other stuff when we are actually eating at the table.
For instance, if we went on a morning walk, we will talk about what we saw – dogs, squirrels, trucks, neighbors. Or, if we are nearing a holiday like a birthday, I will ask what they want for their birthday.
These type of talks get the toddler focused on the conversation, calm, happy, talking and enjoying. There’s no pressure. It’s a pleasant and enjoyable setting for them. And when they are calm, comfortable and not under pressure, they’re more likely to be open to new foods on their plate.
This blog post I wrote is short and sweet with one more super simple and helpful dinner table strategy that has worked well for me with most picky eaters.
6. Let them help prep meals (even if it’s just one or two simple tasks like breaking the asparagus or scrubbing some carrots). Start small when they are younger toddlers, and build up as they become older and less messy. A few days a week of helping you prep meals can make a world of difference!
For many picky toddlers I have worked with, this has been one of the most powerful things.
Getting them involved will not only make them feel happy, they will also feel pride and be more likely to want to try what they created.
7. Have a cupboard or drawer designated with their plates, cups and utensils, and let them grab themselves. This gives them control, power of choice and makes them feel involved.
All the toddlers I have worked with, including my twins, have loved this. I noticed a huge difference in behaviors around meal times when I switched from serving them their meals and drinks with cups, plates and utensils I had picked, to letting them choose their own and place on the counter for me.
Toddlers crave independence and autonomy. This is a GREAT way to do that at meal time. It gives them some control, without letting them fully run the show into chaos!
Letting them do these little things on their own will make them feel involved in the process, in control, and excited about meal time, which in turn, means they’ll be more accepting. They’re an active and functioning part of meal time and won’t feel like meal time is merely ‘happening to them’.
8. Lift them up to grab some things at the grocery store.
Another way to give them pride and control around meals. Involving your toddler in the meal process can do wonders for exposing them to all sorts of new foods in a no-pressure setting!
is my toddler getting enough of what they need?
- breakfast within 1 hour of waking (usually 7-730am)
- a.m snack (930am)
- lunch (12pm)
- p.m snack (330pm)
- dinner (530-630pm)
when to consider speaking with a specialist
- slowly but surely nixes foods from her “liked” list.
- will eat less than 20 foods.
- experiences weight loss or stagnant growth.
- refuses major food groups such as fruits, veggies, dairy, or protein.
- is willing to go days without eating.
- eats different foods from the rest of the family.
final thoughts
If you’ve ever asked the question – ‘when does picky eating stop?’, you hopefully now have clearer idea of what is seen as ‘typical’ picky eating behavior for toddlers, what your toddler truly needs, and what helps change existing picky eating behaviors.
I hope you leave feeling like you have gotten some useful ideas of what you can do to help see change, sooner rather than later!
Because picky eating can start so young (15-18 months, give or take) and can last until 9 years old, give or take, I believe that making the lifestyle changes necessary to help our children have healthier relationships with food and meal times, as soon as we can, is so important for overcoming picky eating habits.
When we take these steps, we will create more family happiness and long term joy in life, for all.
I know I’ve said it a handful of times but it’s worth repeating – remember to give it time. Talk to your partner and care team for support, and make a plan to get started on some of the strategies you learned about here.
You’ve got this, and you have some happier, more laid back and enjoyable meal times ahead!