Feeling Unfulfilled As A Mom
Almost every mom I have ever spoken to over that past almost decade, has said that they felt unfulfilled at some point, as a mother.
All have felt stressed, exhausted and overwhelmed.
The feelings of hardship you are having are natural, because parenting is hard.
However, if you are feeling unfulfilled it is probably because you are not feeding your soul. Your soul is a beast and it needs to be fed.
It is time for your to learn how to be a mama bear for yourself!
I’m talking – saying what you need to your partner, friends and children (ie: “momma needs five minutes of quiet for my brain so I’m going to take it. Here’s your snack and your favorite show.”, “Hey babe, I don’t feel like myself, I want to sit and read some books about feeling unfulfilled as a mom for 20 minutes each night so I can learn and help myself feel better.” “Hey lady! I miss you, let’s do a happy hour soon please!!”)
But, it’s also deeper than that. There are root causes and things we must uncover, to help you feel more fulfilled as a mother…
Is it Normal to feel trapped in motherhood?
Absolutely!
Of course, everyone’s situation is different. But, from the moment you are pregnant, you are limited and restricted – what you can do, what you can eat, what you can drink. You’re responsible for the baby already, too. Your partner isn’t. You are.
Then, the baby is born and you are breast or bottle feeding, responding to every coo and cry and hunger need and snuggle need. You are responsible for your baby’s most every need, round the clock.
Then, toddlerhood hits and it requires a whole new set of skills from you, different than the baby phase and you are just at your wit’s end!
It is not only exhausting, physically and mentally, it is a big job, one that has only just begun, so it is very very very easy to feel trapped.
But here’s the thing I want you to remember – the way you look at your life, creates how you act in your life.
If you usually look at your children as your ‘responsibility’, that is already far more exhausting than looking at them as ‘your funny little humans you get to hang out with and get to know’.
See? Responsibilities are heavy, exhausting, not usually paired with fun. ‘hanging out’ and ‘getting to know’ is relaxing and exciting.
If you’re anxious motherhood is stealing your prime years for career growth, talk to your partner about other care options that are available, so that you can return to work. Or, challenge that belief and ask yourself – is it true? Or do I actually want to spend these early years with my children and when I do feel ready to get back into the workforce, I will be met with understanding and excitement that I am back and capable for the job I once did?
Is it only a job that will make you feel fulfilled? Or is it something else? Several other things? And what are those things?
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How do moms feel fulfilled?
The moms who feel fulfilled in motherhood, hold certain beliefs about motherhood. They also hold certain beliefs about their children and themselves.
They tune into themselves far more than they tune into their friend’s and family’s opinion and they surround themselves in life and on social media and on podcasts and in books, with other compassionate, uplifting, honest and inspiring moms who are living how they want to live and understand the challenges they face.
They believe in the magic and importance the slow and simple moments have that the otherwise capitalistic culture would tell them is less than meaningful as compared to hustling, mom-bossing as a CEO and growing in the ranks at a corporate job…
They listen to that little voice inside of them that says – I need to work to be happy, I need to spend X time on my hobbies to be happy, I need to stay home and go slow to be happy… They listen to themselves more than anyone else and they ask for support from those around them.
Moms who struggle with feelings of being unfulfilled need to learn other ways of thinking and operating in life, that moms have who are fulfilled, do.
They ask themselves what they need and they go for it, without needing permission from anyone else!
5 Things That Will Transform Your Life When You Are Feeling Unfulfilled As A Stay At Home Mom
5 Things That Will Transform Your Life When You Are Feeling Unfulfilled As A Stay At Home Mom1. Focus on your authentic self, deep inside, who you may have buried or ignored
Get to know who you are. Who you REALLY are. Not who you think you need to be for others; not what you want others to see; not who you think you should be because of what society says or your parents told you was right – your true authentic self. That little voice, that little spark, that deep passion within you – what ignites that spark, that voice, that passion?
You are not just your emotions and the reactions to your emotions. You are more and most likely do not have a solid sense of self, self worth or sense of power over your life.
Spend time with your thoughts. Deconstruct. Question why you feel this way and what will help you feel better. Get to know the person within you – not just the surface-level person who is reacting and stressing to their setting – but the person who can CHOOSE what they believe, what they do, who they want to be.
This book is an amazing resource to help you discover your authentic self, under the layers of trauma, learned behaviors and projections of what we believed we needed to be to be accepted in this world:
2. Sit & Reflect on 3 things that make you feel you, feel fulfilled and happy and fit those into your weekly routine
Sit and think about it. Many of us, when just starting out on this fulfillment journey might find it silly or hard to sit with our thoughts. I head recently on Jay Shetty’s podcast On Purpose (incredible, my favorite podcast right now), that about 60% of men would rather have an electric shock than sit with their thoughts. And about 30% of women would rather have an electric shock than sit with their thoughts.
They said – well what am I going to think about?
This is where so much of our population remains lost, struggling, not deeply fulfilled, yet no knowing how to feel deeply fulfilled – because they feel silly or uncomfortable sitting with their own thoughts.
Another thing that might be holding us back from this type of reflection is, we don’t know what questions to ask. And that was the case with me, which was why I was blown away by the questions my life coach Ros Emely asked me – to ask myself- week after week. Questions I would never have thought of myself. Questions that have opened my eyes, given me answers, enlightened me and transformed my life.
Sit with yourself long enough to uncover real, deep answers, and figure out how to ask the right questions.
3. Read a book about conscious parenting
I know that you feel the constant demands, to-do list, pressure and triggers from your children, in your role as a mother. This is life now and you are drained and tired, confused and frustrated.
Is there any other way? Do people just have easier kids or more money or more of a laid back personality?
Truth is – despite all of those variables, when you learn more about consciousness, you gain so much more power, control and clarity over your life – why your children have certain behaviors, why you have mom rage, why you feel confused, sad, unfulfilled…
So of course, while all the pieces of your world that make up your life and your motherhood journey aren’t exactly like anyone else’s, learning the art of consciousness will only support you on your path to more fulfillment, contentment, peace and joy in life.
You are not broken, your kids aren’t terrible, your life isn’t doomed – you are being called, like never before, to look deeper at yourself and help yourself in ways you’ve never had to before and most likely don’t know how to yet.
Learning about conscious parenting will be very healing for you and undoubtedly help you feel more fulfilled as a mom, and a person in general.
This book is a life-changing read:
Potty Training Soon?
Get My FREE Mindful & Peaceful Potty Training Starter Guide So You Can Potty Train Easier & Keep Your Sanity Along The Way!
Everything you need to know to start potty training with more ease, confidence and calm.
4. Read a book about montessori
Before I was a mom, I was a Montessori-inpsired Playschool owner, and before I was a Montessori-inspired Playschool owner, I was a nanny. And in that first role as a nanny, is where my love for caregiving was ingited.
Being in someone’s home and experiencing the family dynamic, and being part of the family’s support system, but not in that family, was a very unique experience.
The relationship you build with the parents and the one with the children – a very intimate and special thing that no other job really ever allows one to experience. I am still great friends with the parents of worked with and get to see the little ones grow.
When I was a nanny, I remember a mom coming up to me at the park and asking, ‘are you a Montessori teacher?’
I said ‘no, just a nanny.’ With a giggle.
At the time, I actually had no idea what that was – a Montessori teacher. So, after we got back from the park, I looked it up and my mind was blown. I was like WOW!!! YESSS!!! This is a thing!! This style of adult-child dynamic and interaction I was reading about in the Montessori methodology is what I had been creating over the last couple of months by switching up the play setting, my approach, the daily routine, all the things!
This is what I was becoming and now I had a roadmap to guide me further down the path I wanted to go.
Montessori approaches and teachings changed everything for me. They made my job more manageable, more peaceful and more meaningful.
It validated what I was trying to do with the children. It was proof that these approaches work and mean something different for us and our children. It’s not quackery or senseless, but instead – life changing and life-giving.
The Montessori Toddler is a wonderful book to read. It is not about fancy wooden toys and toy rotation. It is instead, a look into why toddlers behave the way they do and clear, heart-warming guidance on how we can co-exist in a more natural, simple and less explosive way, with them.
It is an amazing tool for calm and connection, like nothing you have experienced before. It goes beyond the surface-level of good mom, bad mom, stay at home mom, busy mom, crunchy mom – and shows you how to be a more peaceful, connected, confident mom.
It clarifies and simplifies so much for you as a parent and I truly can’t imagine working with toddlers or being a mom, without Montessori approaches and wisdom.
5. Celebrate Yourself, your life, your children, even for the simplest of things, your brain needs that input
Did you know that we need to feed our brains new thoughts? Our brain is more like an old dvd that will replay what’s burned onto it over and over and over, but it’s unable to play a new song, unless we burn a new one onto it.
We will always have thoughts of self-doubt, negativity, anger, sadness – of course! And it is important to feel our feelings and let them pass through us. But we need to be aware if we are always in a state of self-doubt, negativity, anger and sadness. Is it 50/50? Is it 60/40? Is it 90%?
If we are dwelling and stewing in those heavy feelings, let’s be aware and start burning a new song onto our old dvd.
You have fresh air to breath today and warm sun on your skin – don’t shy away from being grateful for life’s often forget gifts like this!
Your child is hilarious and gives amazing hugs! Celebrate this!
Your husband always fills up the gas tank so it’s ready to go – celebrate this!
You go out for a walk and have a beautiful family of 3, 4, 5, that you always wanted – celebrate that!
You are learning, growing, discovering – celebrate that!
Practice celebrating yourself, your husband and your children more and see how the things you may not have noticed around you are a little less dull and have a little more sparkle!
One thing I love to do as a family every night is say one thing we are all grateful for. I might say I’m so grateful that we always have delicious and wholesome food we love available to us whenever we are hungry. One of my girls has said she is grateful for it not hurting when she poops! The other has said she is grateful for the swings and the slides we have so close to our house that we can go to any time we want! And my husband has said he is grateful for mild weather and not having to shovel snow in the winters.
The vibe this sets for the night and the reminder it gives our brain each night is powerful. It feels really good to recognize the goodness in your life that you might otherwise overlook and focus on the worries and to-dos instead.
Celebrating and vocalizing gratefulness is a powerful practice for pulling your brain out of the mundane, burdening thoughts about life’s inevitable to dos and it let’s you actually see the mini miracles and subtle magic that exists in your life.
What new songs are you going to burn onto your dvd?
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Conclusion
These 5 things will transform your life when you are feeling unfulfilled as a stay at home mom, and truly any mom who is feeling unfulfilled.
One thing my life coach always said to me was – you have all the answers within you. And I would always think – hogwash! No I don’t that is why I am here and need you!
But now I see, that when we sit and ask ourselves the right questions and branch off from that question to another, then another and another – we in fact DO have all the answers!
It is a journey for so many of us who grew up with emotionally immature parents, with expectations to meet of who we had to be, with peer pressure that shaped who we thought we needed to be to be accepted and cool and happy.
Let’s shed all of that, uncover who we truly are, who we want to be and become that person, while accepting the imperfections of ourselves, our children and our partners, so we can feel more content and fulfilled in our lives!
Xx Poppy
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