5 Things You May Be Doing That Are Making Picky Eating Worse - Low Stress Motherhood

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5 Things You May Be Doing That Are Making Picky Eating Worse
(and what you can do that actually works!)

Picky eating can be so frustrating and tiring and leave you feeling helpless and irritated around mealtime.

Maybe your parents told you if you finished your plate, you’d get a cookie or ice cream. Maybe your grandparents asked you to take a ‘polite bite’. Or, maybe if you didn’t eat your peas, you were sent to your room with no other food.

Up to 50% of children are reported as picky eaters by their parents and/or caregivers. (NationwideChildrens.Org). And studies show that picky eating habits are more likely to develop when parents punish, bribe or reward their children’s eating behaviors. (UCSF Benioff Children’s Hospital)

Why Bribing Doesn’t Really Work

According to psychologist and mom Gitte Mol Holmer of Real Food Hero, the psychological effects of bribing picky eaters are significant.

“They’re going to like the peas less when we bribe them, because what’s going to happen psychologically, is you’re idealizing, the sweet or the treat, or whatever it is that you get for eating something so awful, that it needed a bribe in the first place.”

What Else To Avoid

Here are 4 other approaches, aside from bribing, that can make your toddler behave in an even pickier manner:

1. Forcing

Researchers at the University of Michigan wanted to answer the question of whether parents should pressure children to eat, and if doing so affected children’s weight, their tendency to become picky eaters and how they perceived their parents.

The findings, published in the journal Appetite, suggest that forcing children to eat food they don’t enjoy could spark tension at mealtimes and damage the parent-child relationship. (Newsweek)

Related Article: When Does Picky Eating Stop?

An alternative to forcing could be: encouraging action and creating curiosity. “OooOooh this (carrot) makes a snapping noise when I break it! It must be crunchy like a chip! Is it crunchy or is it soft?”

By asking the question, you are inadvertently encouraging them to take a bite and see if it’s crunchy or soft. And by recognizing parts of the carrot as being similar to a chip you build their curiosity and some safety (if they like chips).

2. Punishing

“You can sit here until you eat all your _____.” For many kids, there is a lot of power in NOT eating and sitting there all night! Plus, for kids with sensory integration challenges or other physiological issues, they simply can’t do it. (Verywell Family)

For some, punishing might feel like the go-to answer to break bad habits but research actually shows that – “pressuring kids to eat, or punishing them if they don’t, can make them actively dislike foods they may otherwise like.” (HealthyChildren.Org)

An alternative to punishing could be to: set and enforce rules around mealtime, in a calm, confident manner. For example, you decide what time snacks are served and what the 5 options are. They get to choose their cup, bowl, utensils and which snacks they’d like from the list of 5, for snack time.

This same strategy can be used for regular mealtimes. In addition, offering sauces with new foods/foods they’re still learning about, and always serving 2-3 foods you know they enjoy, can keep things calm and cool at each meal, even when there is a new item on the plate. And being firm on – “this is what is for dinner tonight. You can choose your sauce and you have 2 things you love on the plate too.”

Related Article: 1 Super Simple Trick That Can Get Your Picky Toddler Trying New Foods

I’m all about everyone eating one meal together. I think this is the epitome of family time at the home dinner table. I also am realistic and respectful of the fact that all humans have food likes and dislikes and that is okay.

When our children know this – that different people like and dislike different foods – they aren’t as affected when their older brother says he doesn’t like peas. They might say, “I do!”, instead of being influenced by his statement.

Likewise, letting our children know they are safe to tell us they don’t like a certain food (I’m not a fan of beets at all!) and that they can choose a different vegetable instead, will avoid so many power struggles, meltdowns and frustrations.

3. Rewarding

The most important reason not to reward kids for eating is that it can prevent them from understanding their own hunger and fullness cues. Instead of learning to listen to their bodies to determine whether they’re hungry or full, kids will begin to look to the external reward. (NurtureLife.com)

I remember this one time, I was sitting at the table having lunch with 4-5 toddlers and one of the 3 year olds walked over to me and said, “look Poppy, I took a bite of my carrot! It’s not bad. Can I have a cookie now?” And I was just like – whoa. That’s not the point. I want you to learn about food, why we eat them, choose what you like and continue to eat a variety of those foods, and have a healthy overall relationship with foods now and beyond.

And there I was sitting, thinking – man, the research was right, toddlers that are rewarded for bites, turn into toddlers who look for a reward when they take bites.

Related Article: Simple Dinner Table Strategy To Try With Your Picky Eater

An alternative to rewarding could be: talking to your child about why our bodies need certain foods. This teaching approach paired with continued mealtime exposure and set table rules, can lead to a complete mindset shift for your little one. They’ll begin to see that it is less about doing what mom says, and more about doing this because my body needs it. Intrinsic versus extrinsic motivation. Powerful.

And if you’re not quite sure how to word things when asking if they’ve had enough, you can try – “Ok, check with your tummy and body. If you still feel hungry, this is all the food we will have until snack time, after nap. Eat what your body needs.”

4. Tricking

Hiding foods can demonize a particular ingredient, creating a negative association. This is particularly the case with vegetables. Hiding veggies or other ingredients tells your child these foods can’t be enjoyed in their whole, natural form because they don’t taste great. (NutritionForKids.com.au)

An alternative to hiding ingredients could be: do weekly food-focused activities with your toddler. Be patient and focus more on them grabbing, touching, handling the foods, rather than eating anything. Handling the foods is acceptance. Once they feel more comfortable around foods, curiosity will build and they will taste them, in time. Let their natural learning cycle happen – see, smell, touch, taste… – rather than force the final step (taste).

Some food-focused activities are: story time about foods with real foods as props to hold, scrubbing and tearing apart celery and carrots with stalks, sorting fruits and veggies by color or size (big and small), meal prepping, breaking asparagus, spiralizing zucchini, painting with pomegranate etc…

These are a few of my go-to activities that focus on teaching toddlers about foods and giving them the control they crave.

And, if you want more support with your picky eater, take a look at the free Picky Toddler Challenge. It’s a free, comprehensive 4-week plan of activities, affirmations, dinner table strategies and more, to help you make change with your picky toddler’s eating habits, with less stress and more confidence.

Related Article: Sorting Activity That Will Get Your Picky Eater Hands On With New Foods

Ok, so we’re learning about past parental behaviors that were counterproductive, and trying to move past picky eating habits with a respectful and intentional approach. How long will this take?

Knowing that your efforts are paying off isn’t always obvious and can be hard to gauge, especially if you haven’t 1) researched the topic or 2) been around other toddlers and witnessed common behaviors.

As a twin toddler mom and owner of a Montessori-inspired Daycare & Preschool just outside of San Francisco, hear me when I say – I have worked with my fair share of picky eaters over the last 8 years. All but 4 toddlers have been picky eaters and I have discovered a handful of things that work, and work WELL, with all different types of picky toddlers.

That said, it is not an overnight thing. Never has been. Sometimes there’s a one-off shocker where we’re doing a food-focused activity and a picky eater starts taking bites of a zucchini we’re peeling BUT that doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll eat it off their plate when served later that day

True (and lasting!) change, in my experience, happens after 4 weeks of strategic change to our wording, table habits, mindset around picky eating + family dinners, and play time activities that include ‘food exploration’.

We need to help them feel comfortable, calm and relaxed around all foods. We need to help them build trust – in foods and in us. We need to help them feel, touch, smell foods. We need to help them learn about the importance of different color foods. And it all starts within us.

Sound daunting?

I’m here to make it as simple as possible for you. If you want to try something new that might help transform your picky eater’s ways, I created The Picky Toddler Challenge just for you

It’s a FREE 4-week comprehensive guide sent to you via email, one week at a time, that you can follow along at home. I give you clear steps to take w/your picky eater in a supportive, no-fuss way. You’ll get printables, affirmations, wording, mindset tips, food activities & more, that will help you chip away at existing habits and see real change in your toddler’s picky ways.

I hope to help you make mealtime less stressful this year!