surviving toddler tantrums during the holidays
Holidays with toddlers comes with toddler tantrums that all of us toddler parents will have to be a part of.
Toddler tantrums are triggered when your child is being overwhelmed by an emotion. Many toddlers don’t yet have all the words to communicate how they are feeling, whether it be frustrated or overly tired, so instead of saying ‘I feel…’ they might scream and cry. Other times, they aren’t getting something they had their heart set on, and feel really upset about it and release that stress by screaming “I want it!”, crying, stomping their feet, hitting…
Toddlers are still learning what all these emotions are, feel like and what to do with them. It can feel like an overwhelming and daunting task to be patient with their brain development and help teach them acceptable ways to manage their feelings, but modeling, reminding and practicing emotional regulations together is truly the best teacher because what they see and experience, soon becomes habit and part of their MO.
1. keep realistic expectations in your mind
Whatever behavior you are dealing with now is likely going to be behavior you will see through the holidays, maybe even amplified because of all the holiday bustle. So, mentally prepare for this now.
Toddlers aren’t little adults. They are toddlers with a brain under construction, with little understanding about their emotions, how to manage them and what is socially acceptable.
Toddlerhood is a time for learning and practice, no matter the setting and how inconvenient the timing is (in the airport, at a dinner party, at the grocery store, when friends are visiting…)
We adults, with adult brains, know more. We are the leaders. So, keep in mind why your toddler is emotional and impulsive (brain development and temperament) and try your best not to feel angry or disappointed about their behavior, and instead prepare yourself, your space and your guests for what to possibly expect.
2. have a ‘reset from tantrum’ plan
- Prioritize my calmness, first – meaning. I hear the sounds they make, it triggers me, so I take a moment to acknowledge my trigger, then approach their chaos with a non-impulsive response.
- Get down to their level
- Validate their feeling, genuinely – You are so upset. You want to keep playing. I know it’s hard to leave when you’re having a great time.
- Give them a heads up before transitioning – We are going to head out in a couple minutes.
- Ask them what they want to do before and after – ‘We’re heading out in 2 minutes, choose what you want to do before we go! Alright, bye bye toys love you. Let’s put them somewhere for next time. What would like to have for a snack when we get into the car?’ Shifting their focus and getting them excited about what’s next will help them feel happy about X rather than stay sad about leaving X.
- Take a couple minutes away, breathe and redirect – I’ve sat with my tantruming toddler in a busy airport to take some bug belly breaths, I’ve stepped to the side with a crying toddler during a library story time to hug and sway them then talk about the behavior, I’ve taken a tantruming toddler outside during a dinner at a restaurant, to get fresh air and look at the stars for a minute. It’s ok if we have to do these things. This is co-regulation that toddlers need and they might need our help at the most inconvenient of times.
Don’t fight the toddler tantrurms – lean into them. This is what some call ‘time in’. Accept the tantrums, flow with them. They aren’t scary or bad or unnatural. They are a call for help and teaching. Find your calm and then help them. I guarantee you will get through the outbursts so much quicker WHILE ALSO teaching them emotional management skills they need. And remember – this is real life. It’s messy, imperfect and natural. Who cares about anyone looking. Be confident and do what you need to do!
Put a ‘reset from tantrum’ plan together, have a couple go-to strategies you can use and depend on, write it down in your notes app if you have to, and use it!