Montessori Bedtime Routine: How To Make Bedtimes Easier ASAP - Low Stress Motherhood

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Choosing a Montessori Bedtime Routine & How To Do It Right

Following a Montessori bedtime routine will guarantee you and your family the gift of more peaceful nights in your home.

Promise.

I love Montessori. It has helped me teach 2 year olds to read, 6 month olds to eat independently, and most importantly how to be the most mindful caregiver possible (Playschool owner and twin toddler mom here).

So, it is no wonder I would trust, and recommend, a Montessori bedtime routine.

After reading and implementing what you learn in this blog post, you can wave goodbye to bedtime chaos.

Truly.

It’s more than the general, generic advice of: taking a bath, reading a book, and going to bed at the same time each night…

While consistency and predictability are important components to a Montessori bedtime, there are a few key things that you will want to make sure you are doing, to finally have a bedtime routine that is calmer, easier, and more enjoyable for all.

And when you choose to do a Montessori bedtime routine, you will notice just how different your toddler or preschooler behaves, how much better you feel about the process, and how much calmer and happier your home is.

Renowned educator, Maria Montessori, put great emphasis on creating a peaceful environment conducive to rest, with soft lighting, a calming setting and activities, and a sense of order and autonomy that would allow for a child to exercise self-regulation.

For example, by creating a soothing surrounding (think spa!) and incorporating elements of independence, such as allowing children to help open the toothpaste cap before brushing teeth, choose their pajamas, or help prep their bed for rest, Montessori encouraged autonomy and self-regulation within the sleep routine.

According to Maria Montessori, it was vital that we avoid rigid sleep schedules and instead, observe the child’s cues and natural sleep patterns to determine the best times for rest throughout the day.

By honoring the child’s unique sleep requirements, parents and caregivers can support positive and healthy sleep habits and foster a sense of ease and well-being.

Montessori’s approach to bedtime routines (and naps) prioritizes a peaceful and nurturing environment that promotes relaxation, independence, cooperation, bonding, and respect for the child’s unique developmental needs.

Let’s break down key elements of a Montessori bedtime routine so you can recreate it at home…

Accessibility – Have The Bed Be Accessible Independently

Every great Montessori bedtime routine gives the child independent access to their own bed.

This one might sound scary to parents who are not familiar with Montessori, but I want to assure you that allowing for independent action is key in a Montessori setting, and for good reason.

Not because parents are lazy or because it is cool, but because young children crave autonomy, love trying new things, are eager to exercise existing skills, and desire to be an active part of the processes in their day.

And it changes how they behave with you and interact with their environment.

When toddlers and preschoolers have access and independence at bedtime and throughout their day, their behaviors are quite different.

You will notice less power struggles, tantrums, and meltdowns.

You will see more cooperation, organization, and calm.

It may take a little more patience from you, as they can bumble and make mistakes/messes, but that is all part of the learning process with each task they are new to.

Having independence – and room to try, choose, help – gives young children a sense of belonging, pride, and keeps them more emotionally balanced.

So, being able to enter and exit their bed independently at bedtime is important.

When following Montessori for bedtimes, toddlers and preschoolers will use a floor bed. This type of bed is a bed that is either on the floor or on a minimal frame without any rails or restrictions.

Here is an example of a cute one on Amazon.

Some parents may transition their baby to the floor bed when they are able to sit up and support themselves, while many choose to wait until their child is 1-2 years old.

For my twins, I transitioned them to a floor bed when they were a year old, and it worked very well for us.

One extremely important thing to note when transitioning your child to a floor bed is – the floor and the room needs to be safe, with age appropriate toys.

Think – ‘yes’ space. Where literally anything in the room is something you would say yes to, and they can safely have access to.

With a floor bed, your baby will be able to wake up and start working on something in their room before you go to them, so it is crucial to ensure that there are no tiny toy pieces lying around, that outlets are covered, and that cords and cabinets (anchored to wall) are secure.

If you aren’t fully able to ensure the safety of the room, for instance, maybe the room is shared with an older sibling who has his or her things on the floor too, you might consider using a step stool to your baby’s crib instead of a floor bed.

This will still allow your family the benefits of accessibility and independence, while ensuring safety in your current situation.

*But What If My Child Is Not Safe Or Is Acting Wild & Dangerous? -Enter ‘Freedom Within Limits’

With more independence and more access that Montessori provides, many parents worry about their child just being wild and free and dangerous.

In Montessori, rules and boundaries are clear and consequences are fair and immediate, so safety is a priority and children learn quickly what is expected of them and what is allowed.

You don’t have to sacrifice safety and boundaries with Montessori.

Theses things are actually a instrumental pieces to the philosophy.

You can use the practice of ‘freedom within limits’ to ensure your child is safe when following a Montessori routine.

‘Freedom within limits’ means setting clear ground rules, expectations, and consequences before engaging in anything new. Then, following through with your set consequences.

Here is what ‘freedom within limits’ might look like in action at bedtime:

“You are welcome to get on and off your bed on your own, safely. Here is how to do it.” (show them an example by doing it yourself).

“Jumping on the bed is not safe. If you want to jump, you can do it when mommy is here to help or on the trampoline. If you jump, I will have to help you on and off your bed until you show me you can be safe without jumping.”

You are giving them the freedom to get on and off on their own until they do so unsafely.

You tell them the consequence is that they will lose the independence and you will have to help them. (In Montessori, consequences are immediate and directly related to the unwanted behavior.)

Once they show you that they can be safe, they are welcome to get on and off by themselves.

Clear limit/expectations, fair, keeps them safe, and molds future behaviors.

Most toddlers and preschoolers that I have worked with over the last 9 years have followed the rules most of the time because they want to keep their freedoms and they know I follow through with consequences.

Another example of ‘freedom within limits’, not at bedtime, would be:

“You can have a few more minutes before we say goodbye to the park. How many more minutes would you like? 1, 2, 3, 4 or 5?”

You are giving your child freedom of choice within the restriction of time you set.

If they say, “75!” You can say, “choose 1, 2, 3, 4, or 5, or I will choose.”

Then, you can set the timer with the number they choose to be concrete with follow through.

I have found that toddlers and preschoolers do especially well this, and even use it amongst themselves to keep turn taking peaceful with peers. (ie: “How many more minutes before you are done with the blocks Jesse?” “Two more minutes”.)

Natural Cues – Choose A Bedtime That Aligns With The Child’s Unique Sleep Cues

To have a calm and comfortable Montessori bedtime routine, you will want to observe your child’s sleep cues and set a bedtime that aligns with when they are actually sleepy.

This respects the child’s natural awake and sleep cycle, and will allow for the most peaceful, natural, and easy bedtime.

I understand that for many families it can be hard to try and follow the child’s lead with timing of daily activities, especially if they attend school, the parents work, and appointments are set that have to be met.

If this is the case, I would highly encourage you to slow down a bit, if possible. Or maybe rearrange your time so there is less rush and bustle.

Especially if you notice the activities you are signed up for are adding more stress and strain to you and your family.

The first 5 years of your child’s life will benefit most and shape their well-being long term, if there is more time and room for slow learning, patience, emotional nurturing, and un-rushed one-on-one time.

So, back to follow their cues for when to go to bed. Here’s what to do:

Observe your child for 3 days to a week and see if there is a pattern of when they start to show signs of sleepiness at night.

Take note of the times you notice sleepiness. I like to use my phone notes app for this.

Look for sleepiness signs such as yawning, rubbing eyes, glazed look in eyes, mild fussiness, bigger emotions, lower energy, them telling you they are sleepy.

Consider if you need to modify any current day plans/activities in order to adjust bedtime times to better suit your family’s schedule.

Once you feel like you know when your child usually gets tired, plan to start your bedtime routine 20-30 minutes before that time.

What I’ve found is that most toddlers and preschoolers get tired around the same time each night.

Depending on whether they are more active or more demure, can play a role in whether they get tired earlier or later.

I have found that temperament also affects how a child sleeps, with more challenging temperament children needing more sleep, and more easy-going temperaments needing less.

Also, whether or not they take a nap in the afternoon can also play a role in when they get sleepy at night.

Typically, somewhere between 730-830pm, most toddlers and preschoolers show signs of sleepiness.

My twins have always had different sleep needs, and it especially showed in toddlerhood.

One, who has more of a difficult temperament and is extremely athletic, needs more sleep and gets sleepy earlier than the other.

While my other child, who has a more easy-going temperament and is drawn to more gentle, quiet play, needs less sleep and gets sleepy later than the other.

If you have two or more children who have different sleep needs and get tired at different times, you could utilize the ‘freedom within limits’ practice, and set the rule that at 730pm it is quiet play time for the preschooler in their room, while the baby is put to sleep then.

Then, after the baby is put to sleep, you could follow through with the bedtime routine for the older child closer to when they begin to get sleepy.

Once you know each of your child’s sleep times, you can start your bedtime routines accordingly, and stick to a flexible schedule following this pattern each day.

In summation, following your child’s natural sleep cues is key to a montessori bedtime routine that will allow for a more relaxed and calm process.

Peacefulness – Make The Tone Of Your Bedtime Routine Calming & Relaxing To Prepare The Child For Rest

To create a Montessori bedtime routine, focus on making the process peaceful.

Keep this word in your head as you go through the steps of the evening.

If you yourself have had a long day or are frustrated come bedtime routine, I’d urge you to take a few minutes to 20 minutes of alone, quiet time to decompress, breathe, and unwind, beforehand.

Doing this will allow you to take care of your emotional needs and in turn, be able to handle your child with more loving and patient care afterward.

For more peacefulness during your bedtime routine…

Use a kind, gentle, nurturing tone.

Don’t rush.

Don’t yell.

Don’t bark orders.

Don’t make all the steps seem like chores, inconveniences and headaches.

Don’t complain about what your child is doing and/or not doing.

Don’t act frustrated, irritated, impatient.

Instead…

Slow down. Give a tickle while they sit on the potty.

Ask what their favorite part of the day was as you prep the bath.

Tell them something you love about having them in your life. Make them smile.

Talk gently and even-keeled, even if you are asking something of them.

Invite them to help. “Here, you can wet your toothbrush first.”

Tell them about the importance of sleep; share a sleep fact. “Did you know that your brain cleans itself while you sleep?! Just like you take a bath, so does your brain!”

Give them a high five and say, “you’re so good at turning off your bedroom light!”

Talk about how each step of the bedtime routine is important. Ie: “a warm bath helps our muscles unwind and relax, brushing our teeth keeps our teeth strong and white, taking deep breaths helps release any stress in our body.”

Keeping your tone calm and positive, and your words uplifting, warm, and grateful, can make all the difference in how you feel and how your child behaves while going through the steps of bedtime.

It can make transitioning to sleep so much more inviting, cozy, and comfortable, making for better sleep and moods when waking.

Peacefulness is a key part of the Montessori bedtime routine, and you are sure to notice far more cooperation and calm, which will mean more enjoyment for all!

You can check out my peaceful bedtime stories book for young children on Amazon – Sleepy Sloth Short Stories For Peaceful Bedtimes: A Collection of 5 Relaxing & Mindful Stories For Young Children and read about the process and importance of sleep in a simple, comforting, and playful way.

Perfect for toddlers and preschoolers.

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Supportive Setting – Create A Soothing Surrounding That Encourages Rest & Quiet

You know how the tone of a spa setting just puts you into a relaxed, soothed state?

The smells, the sounds, the dim lights, the gentle voice of the therapist, the assurance that the place you’re in is there to support your need for relaxation and rejuvenation.

Well, the same goes for a Montessori bedtime routine.

The home setting can be a tool.

It can support you in your bedtime routine.

Here are some ways you can create a soothing setting for a Montessori bedtime:

Give your child a heads up that bedtime is soon. “Alright, 10 more minutes and we are going to start getting ready for bed. It’s been a busy day!”

Invite your child to get any last bit of ‘wiggles’ out of their body. “Let’s get those last wiggles out of our bodies so we can rest well. What’s the last thing we want to do before rest? Run around the island? Jump on the trampoline? Dance party?”

Announce that it is time to start winding down and getting ready for sleep. “Alright, it’s been a great day, let’s start getting everything ready for cozy sleep. Let’s get the baby we want to sleep with, our favorite blanket….”

Pause any shows or movies, or lower the volume so it is quiet.

Maybe play some calming meditation music, trevor hall, or spa music.

Dim the lights (if you are in the main room as a family, dim those lights and invite your child to go dim the lights in their room, too.)

Turn on the sound machine in your child’s room before going into the room for sleep. They can do it themselves if they would like.

Do a couple stretches and breaths together as a family.

Then final steps before sleep, maybe – bathe, brush teeth (maybe brush teeth in the bath!), read a book, cuddle and doze off…

The children here love this Zenimal meditation audio player from Amazon.

It’s so cute to see them all gather up and listen to and follow along with the meditations.

Overall, set up your home to become a quiet, dimly lit, relaxed setting at bedtime, and it will become a tool helping your whole family to have a calmer transition into bed.

Order – Have A Place For Everything Used At Bedtime & Repeat Actions The Child Enjoys Or Responds Positively To

With a Montessori bedtime, everything has a place and the child can access it easily.

Creating order is key in Montessori, and aids in the child’s ability to be independent and calm.

You can create order in 2 ways:

by having a designated place for each item used during the bedtime routine

by following the same process of actions each night. Ie: dinner, family play, wind down, prep space, bathe, brush, read, rest.

By doing this, your child is comforted because they know what to expect plus, they know where things are so they can exercise independence and control and be an active participant in their bedtime routine process.

For example, if your child uses a toothbrush every bedtime, be sure that they can reach it with a step stool.

And, that they reach the faucet to wet it and begin brushing.

Depending on their age, you may opt to help with the toothpaste.

Pay attention to what your child is interested or eager to do, and be sure to create independence around those things, especially.

For example, if your child loves to turn off their own light and turn on their sound machine, be sure they have a step stool to their light switch and that their sound machine is within reach so that they can do those things without a fuss, fight, or a mess.

Include and repeat actions and activities that your child loves, into your bedtime routine.

In summation, emphasizing order, combined with a peaceful and positive tone, can give your child a road map to follow and a process they are an active participant in, to look forward to at bedtime.

Independence – Allow & Encourage The Child To Be Involved In Actions Leading To Bedtime

When creating a successful Montessori bedtime routine, independence will always be on the list of ‘musts’.

As we’ve explored above, allowing independence is key.

It is a cornerstone of Maria Montessori’s method.

Allowing and encouraging independence develops a child’s critical thinking and decision-making skills and helps them build a strong sense of self-esteem and belief in their capabilities.

So, if independence is not yet an emphasis in your home, make tweaks to your current setup to allow for more of it.

And, start to use verbiage to invite and encourage your child to try things, make mistakes, and learn how to be involved with the processes of their day, including bedtime.

I bet you will be amazed at how differently your child behaves!

I know I was the first time I started using Montessori with little ones – night and day, my goodness!

Supervise – Ensure That The Child Is Resting & Provide Sleep Support As Needed Until Child Is Able To Rest

To have a Montessori bedtime routine, you may need to provide supervision of your child to ensure they get to sleep. (Especially when you first transition from a traditional bedtime routine to a Montessori-style one.)

Some families can tell their child the expectations and walk them through bedtime a few times, and after doing so, the child can be left in the room and fall asleep independently.

Some families need to or choose to provide supervision and more sleep support.

For example, with my twins and the playschool children I care for, I close the door and they fall asleep independently.

However, when my husband is home or when we have visitors, we supervise and provide more sleep support.

If you will be providing supervision and sleep support, here is how you can keep it calm and peaceful…

Accompany your child to their room and ensure that they hop into bed.

In Montessori practice, unlike traditional parenting or even teaching, caregivers are described as guides, observers, and facilitators.

‘Guide’ is always a word I have in my mind when helping my children or others through a process.

It helps me keep a perspective, mindset, and tone that is calm, respectful, and effective.

So when supervising, think of guiding your child to bed. This might sound like:

“Ok, bye bye bath. Now, let’s go grab the book you want to read before we go to sleep. Once we are up in bed, we are ready to red. Let’s take a few deep chest breaths to help our bodies relax for cuddles and story time. Ok, looks like we are ready!”

Something like this helps guide the child through the next necessary actions without giving them direct orders.

It gives them time and space.

And, there is a focus on emotional nurturing in a calm, positive way.

Sometimes a child might need sleep support to lay and rest. Maybe they are feeling emotional, don’t want to say goodbye, or are sick.

If a child is having a hard time resting and I know they are tired, I stay close and continue to supervise. I might say something like this in a soothing voice to help them relax their bodies:

“Shhhhhh. Relax your body. Arms on the bed, legs on the bed. Goodnight feet. Goodnight nose. Nestle into your pillow. Cuddle your lovey. Deep breath. Feel your body relax. Deep breath. Feel your soft pillow. It’s been a long, busy day. It is time to rest our bodies and have wonderful dreams. Night night moon. Night night friends. Let’s dream about playing at the beach, birthdays, sliding at the park. Shhhhh.”

I’ve found that supervising and offering this type of verbal sleep support – talking toddlers through the steps of relaxing their bodies can really help them get relaxed when they are wound up, fussy, or out of sorts come bedtime.

And, it keeps the overall tone and vibe calm, relaxed, warm, and positive.

Using this helps them and makes me feel good, relaxed, and all warm and cozy for bed, too.

Try it with your family!

Does Montessori Believe In Cry It Out?

Regarding the specific practice of “cry it out” (CIO), which is a method of sleep training that involves allowing a child to cry for a predetermined period of time before offering comfort, the Montessori philosophy does not explicitly endorse or promote this technique.

The Montessori approach is more about observing the child to understand their needs and providing a supportive environment that respects their individual development, including their emotional needs and comfort.

Instead of a one-size-fits-all solution like CIO for challenges such as sleep training, the Montessori method would likely advocate for a more individualized approach.

This could involve creating a calming bedtime routine like the one we described above, ensuring the sleeping environment is conducive to the child’s independence and comfort, and gently guiding the child towards healthy sleep habits.

With a Montessoir bedtime routine, the focus would be on understanding the underlying needs or reasons for the child’s distress and addressing those in a compassionate and respectful manner.

Soon, the crying would no longer be a part of the bedtime routine, or at least minimized.

And the overall tone and vibe of the bedtime routine would be relaxed, calm, and peaceful for all.

In order to make the shift from CIO to a Montessori bedtime routine, parents would need to adjust their expectations and schedules, and exercise more patience and observation.

They would also most likely need to tweak the timing of when they begin the bedtime process and how they approach and communicate with their child through the process.

Following the suggestions laid out in this blog post above, parents would have some guidance on how to do so.

Remember, focus on the words ‘peaceful’, ‘guide’, and ‘freedom within limits’, to help you learn this alternative approach to bedtimes.

It is worth the effort because the behaviors from your child will be much different and your family will have more peace and joy at home!

What Is The Ferber Method In Montessori?

The Ferber Method and The Montessori Method are two distinctly different things.

There is no direct link between the two.

The Ferber Method is a sleep training method, and Montessori is a comprehensive educational approach.

The Ferber Method, developed by Dr. Richard Ferber, is a technique focused on helping children learn to soothe themselves to sleep.

Known as “Ferberizing,” this method involves allowing the child to cry for predetermined periods before offering comfort, gradually increasing these intervals.

The goal is to teach infants and young children to fall asleep without parental intervention, promoting more consistent and independent sleep patterns.

It is important to note that this method is primarily associated with sleep training rather than a broader educational or developmental philosophy.

On the other hand, the Montessori approach, founded by Dr. Maria Montessori, is an educational philosophy that emphasizes independence, freedom within limits, and respect for a child’s natural psychological, physical, and social development.

Unlike the Ferber Method, the Montessori approach is applied to a wide range of learning and development areas, including sensorial, practical life skills, language, mathematics, and cultural understanding.

In a Montessori environment, children are encouraged to explore and learn at their own pace through hands-on activities and materials designed to support their developmental stages and interests.

Both methodologies share an underlying respect for the child’s ability to grow and learn through self-discovery and minimal adult intervention, just in very different contexts.

While the Ferber Method guides parents on how to teach their children to sleep independently, the Montessori approach fosters a love of learning and independence in a broader sense.

To create a more Montessori bedtime routine, you most likely won’t be using the Ferber method.

If you do choose to opt for a sleep training approach to bedtimes, I recommend this gentle course.

What Is The 5 3 3 Method For Babies?

The 5-3-3 method is a popular parenting strategy designed to help parents understand and respond to their baby’s sleep needs.

This approach is especially useful during the first few months of a baby’s life, a period often marked by sleepless nights and unpredictable sleeping patterns.

The method provides a structured yet flexible framework for managing naps and feeding times, aiming to establish a more consistent sleep routine for infants.

The “5-3-3” in the method refers to the timing of naps and feedings. This is what it looks like:

After a baby wakes up, parents wait for about 5 hours before putting the baby down for the first nap.

After waking up from the first nap, the baby stays awake for 3 hours before going down for the second nap.

After waking up from the second nap, the baby stays awake for another 3 hours before it’s time for bed.

This routine helps regulate the baby’s sleep patterns and ensures they are getting the rest they need during crucial developmental stages.

It’s important to note that while the 5-3-3 method can be a helpful guideline, every baby is unique, and their needs may vary.

Parents following a Montessori approach would observe their baby’s cues and be flexible, adjusting the schedule as necessary to suit their baby’s individual sleep needs, rather than follow a strict predetermined guideline.

Consulting with a pediatrician can also provide additional insights and guidance tailored to the specific needs of the child.

About Low Stress Motherhood

We are more than the stress that we carry.

Let's harness the chaos so we can find your happy place in motherhood. I'm here to help moms find some solace and helpful resources that ease the load of motherhood and allow them to show up as the person they want to be, for themselves and their children.

Xx Poppy Twin toddler mom, Montessori-inspired Playschool owner, deep thinker, conscious & responsive parenting, on a journey of self-awareness and healing. Helping moms tune into their calmer, more connected selves.