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8 Phrases To Stop Saying To Your Picky Toddler At Mealtime That Can Make Picky Eating Worse
This post is all about phrases to stop saying to your picky toddler at mealtimes, so that they become less picky.
If you want your toddler to be less of a picky eater, you can be the one to initiate and guide the change.
You can start by simply adjusting the language you use at mealtimes.
As the owner of Montessori-inspired playschool, I’ve worked first-hand and 1:1 with more than 20+ picky toddlers (now transformed!), focusing on ensuring they have a positive relationship with foods and mealtimes – and that their parents feel supported and informed along the way, too!
Today, I’m going to share 8 common phrases that you want to avoid, that can actually make children pickier (and you more frustrated and confused!).
It might be challenging to adjust how you speak to your child, but you can do it.
I bet you’ll be surprised by some of these phrases you want to avoid…
1. want to try this?
Most toddlers say no a lot to ‘yes’ or ‘no’ questions, would you agree that’s true with your toddler? Try and avoid asking them if they want to try something because they will most likely say no and that’s that. Let them show you interest. You’ll notice if they want something. If you’re in the habit of asking them if they want to try it and they’re in the habit of saying no, then this does nothing to help get them comfortable with new foods. It’s a dead end. We need to take a different route 😉
- Instead, say this: “oooh look at these tiny baby cucumbers! So cute! One for you and one for me.” Place it in front of them. Take a bite of yours. Step away for a minute. Come back and casually see what they’re doing with the cucumber.
Touching it, breaking it, holding it – all are steps closer to biting it. So, they are wins on the road to overcoming picky eating!
2. eat this, it’s healthy
‘Healthy’ really has no meaning to our toddlers. We can teach them what it means by explaining what our bodies need and what foods provide those things (red foods keep our heart pumping strong so we can run fast and jump high!) When we say, ‘eat this, it’s healthy’, toddlers often refuse the pressure of trying it. And, if we recognize that cycle of ‘tell them to eat it’ and they turn away, we again need to tweak some things, so they turn in, instead.
- Try this instead: Read books about what different foods do for our bodies. Talk about the colors. Have them help build colorful plates with you.
3. why don’t you try anything new?
This puts them on the spot, shames them in a way. Definitely not a way to get them comfortable and feeling good about new foods or mealtimes at all. Let’s just assume from here on out that they are uncomfortable and possibly even afraid of new foods. We’ll work on getting them comfortable and less afraid (tips ahead, don’t worry!) and in the meantime, let’s not ask them why they don’t try this or eat that. Let’s come from a place of knowing instead of questioning.
- Instead, do this: “You’re not feeling the smoothie today, huh? Tomorrow you can pick which fruit food to put on your plate.”
Giving your child control around their mealtimes is extremely transformative!
4. you cannot leave the table until you eat all of your cauliflower
Punishment like this can lead to food resentment, unnecessary strain on the parent-child relationship and tense mealtimes. It can also get your toddler into the habit of ignoring their own hunger and fullness.
- Try this instead: Teach your child about what vitamins and minerals foods have and what they do for the body. Let them choose which veggies they eat a couple times each week. Make a game out of taste testing new fruits and veggies together as a family.
5. eat your carrots and then you can have a cookie
Bribing in this way, according to psychologists like Gitte Van Holmer, can make your toddler dislike the food they’re required to eat, even if they don’t actually dislike it. It can become a negative association with one food and an obsession-like association with the other. They’re eating to get a reward, rather than actually open to and enjoying new foods.
- Instead, try this: “As long as we are eating a balanced diet with all the foods, we can include cookies on our plate too! If we aren’t, we won’t be able to have the cookies on our plate. All the foods!”
6. you’re so picky!
Labeling them in this way defines them in your eyes and theirs, and creates negative behaviors toward one another.
- Try this instead: “You’re still learning about all the foods. There are so many different foods and meals we can make. Let’s create something together and discover new ones we love! I can’t wait!”
7. you need to eat everything on your plate
Sometimes they’re just not hungry enough to do it. Sometimes they truly don’t like something enough to. Listening to their hunger and fullness is an important habit to stay in and it’s normal and ok if they don’t love everything.
- Instead, try this: Have a clear understanding of how much your child needs to be consuming to develop in a healthy way. Build meals according to those serving sizes and always include foods they know and love with each snack and meal. Make snacks, ‘mini meals’. Ie: instead of just a bag of goldfish, make a little container of sliced cucumber, goldfish, strawberry slices, and chopped turkey.
8. you ate your broccoli, good girl!
Truly, they’re a good kid whether they eat their broccoli or not. We want to get away from judging their eating habits and using them to define them. This has them looking externally for validation or criticism, rather than just comfortably and calmly enjoying foods and mealtimes.
- Try this instead: “Do you want more broccoli tomorrow or something else?”
I don’t want broccoli everyday, even though I love it. Maybe they want more or maybe they would prefer carrots. Ask!
Tweaking our language can make all the difference when it comes to picky eating!
Want guided help with your picky eater? Join 100+ other moms for the free picky toddler at-home challenge! Do it at your own pace!
See how it works below!
how do i make my toddler less picky?
So you might be wondering, geez, how can we handle picky eating if none of this stuff helps?! A lot of us grew up hearing these things or see them in movies even now, because they are default and standard for many. And how did having that influence affect us, if we look back?
Anyhow! Here’s what we want to do now…
We want to first, prioritize making mealtimes about hanging out and relaxing. Why? Because doing this will 1) help calm your nerves if you are stressed and tense, which means you won’t behave and talk in certain ways to your toddler AND you will be able to enjoy more, and 2) get your toddler kicking back, relaxing and getting more comfortable overall, which means they will be more open to trying new foods.
What are some ways you can make mealtime more relaxed for you and your toddler? What will you talk about? How will you behave if they fuss?
Next, you want to start focusing on teaching them more about foods in general, where they come from, what they do for our bodies, why they’re important, how the feel, small, taste – all of this away from the table, just as you help them learn their ABC’s, colors and shapes.
While you’re making these adjustments, take a break from worrying, take a breath, and know that the road to transforming picky eating can be slow and long BUT when you have a clear plan and make some specific tweaks to your current routine, you CAN see change within a month (sometimes sooner!)
Check out these helpful toddler books about new foods:
Want a FREE instant download of my Transforming Picky Eating Cheat Sheet? Download below! We never spam.
A step-by-step start guide to help you start seeing change with your picky toddler within 1 week!
how do you reverse a picky toddler?
There are specific things that I do whenever I’m working with a picky toddler. sometimes one thing in particular speaks to them and other times, a combination of a few or all of the things is what hits home and makes a big difference.
For my exact 4-week plan on transforming picky eating, consider signing up for my FREE Picky Toddler Challenge. This 4-week plan is delivered to your inbox and can be done at your own pace. You CAN have less power struggles and less stress-filled meals with your family, sooner than later!
Or, you can also download a FREE Picky Eating Start Guide here. Either way, know that you have some free resources at your fingertips that will help your family have more enjoyable mealtimes with your little one!
Read this next:
Toddler Won’t Eat Vegetables? Here’s What To Do
Constipated Toddler? Try These Meal Ideas & Food Switches For Fast Relief
Final insights from someone who has worked with picky toddlers for almost a decade
We adults start the change
A large part of my environment here centers around wholesome, happy eating, no matter the current eating habits of the child, because they spend so much time here – eating.
Working strategically with these new little humans – to become less fearful and more of an adventurous eater – feels like a big part of my calling as a caregiver.
It might be hard to hear, but for the quickest, most lasting change when it comes to picky eating in toddlers, is for us parents to take responsibility for sparking and encouraging the change.
Yes sure, they may grow out of it, but they may also continue.
My last assistant said she was a picky eater until she was 20 years old (!), which was when she had her first salad.
I don’t know about you but I was flabbergasted.
Now, she focuses on variety in her diet and is discovering foods that she actually enjoys, that she never used to touch.
I wonder how much earlier she would have explored vegetables (and found ones she enjoyed) if she had some positive guidance on the matter.
I wonder how her long-term health was affected.
We all know our health, long-term, depends on the vitamins and minerals from vegetables and fruits.
Looking out for our child’s health through diet is a big part of the parenting responsibility. And I know it can be challenging.
We must have realistic expectations & patience
With all that said, I want to make sure that our expectations are clear, too.
Because, when we have clear, realistic expectations, we can feel calmer and better in our parenting approaches, and worry less.
Most toddlers do go through a picky phase.
100%.
And it is developmentally normal for a baby who once ate 2 plates of food, to turn into a toddler who seems to nibble like a bird all day.
Babies are rapidly growing where toddlers aren’t developing as rapidly anymore, so their ‘fuel’ needs are different.
Toddlers are busier and preoccupied more often.
And did you know – babies and toddlers, if developing normally, are essentially ‘intuitive eaters’.
Yes, they are masters at listening to their body’s needs, including when it signals hunger.
So, rest assured that your toddler knows when and how much volume they need.
*It’s the types of foods, and what they do for their little bodies, that they don’t know about yet.
That’s a teaching opportunity for us and I show you exactly how in my free Transforming Picky Eating guide.
Read this next:
Protein-Rich Foods For Toddlers – How Much They Actually Need + Recipes!
Focus on the right things
I don’t want you to focus so much on amount to ‘get them to eat’, so much as variety to get them ‘comfortable with’.
Once children are comfortable, they will be open to trying more variety.
So let’s focus getting them comfortable and that starts with how we talk to them about foods and trying new foods.
With every interaction you have with your toddler about food, I want you to think – will this help get them comfortable around this food?
Make some changes and feel the wins!
If sitting down for a meal with your picky toddler fills you with so much anxiety and worry, try to make some changes to your approach, as soon as possible.
You will feel more in control and are very likely to see change, faster!
I understand the frustration and confusion.
When I first started working with babies and toddlers about a decade ago, I definitely noticed food refusal was a thing.
I was so curious about it.
It seemed like they were afraid of the foods. Like they had real and sometimes overwhelming fear toward foods.
Family after family that I worked with, same thing.
It wasn’t long before I concluded, ‘hey this is a common thing with many toddlers and one that is really stressing families out, how can I help change this’…
We already have so much to stress to carry as a new parent/family/person everyone relies on (twin toddler mom here!) that I decided – if I can help make mealtimes easier for families (and little ones healthier!) by optimizing the time their child spends with me, than it is my duty to do so!
Are you going to give my 4-week plan a try?
You can see change as early as tomorrow*!
*many moms report change the same day!
About Low Stress Motherhood
Let's harness the chaos so we can find your happy place in motherhood. I'm here to help moms find some solace and helpful resources that ease the load of motherhood and allow them to show up as the person they want to be, for themselves and their children.
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