When To Start Potty Training Your Toddler
(so it's easier for all!)
Feelings about potty training & readiness
Potty training, ah!
I’ve heard moms say:
I have no idea what I’m doing!
I hear it’s the worst!
It’s so hard!
I want to just strap him down to the potty and let him watch tv all day!
SO much anxiety floods our new mom brains as potty training approaches. ANOTHER task we have to take on. One that is stressful and messy.
Maybe you’re now dealing with a second baby – a newborn, or just about to welcome one. Maybe your toddlers’ behaviors and emotions overwhelm you daily. You’re exhausted. You’re trying to navigate it all as a still-new-to-motherhood-mom, while also taking care of yourself and making sure to prioritize your marriage, plus keep the house in order, work, workout…. The list goes on and on and adding to it does not seem possible.
Phew.
Read this next:
EVERYTHING You Will Need In Place For Low Stress Potty Training – Supplies & Self Care Tips
How To Potty Train Like A Pro – The Peaceful Potty Training Method
If My Toddler Always Says ‘No’ Does That Mean They Are Not Ready For Potty Training?
Well, while potty training is an added task – and a consuming one! It DOES NOT have to be completely overwhelming or defeating.
Ok, so what are the readiness signs? THE MOST IMPORTANT ones? The ones that have applied to all the toddlers (more than 20 toddlers over the last almost-decade) that I have potty trained, including my own twin toddlers? I’m going to share those gems shortly, bear with me ;)…
First – starting at a time when both you and your toddler are *optimally prepared, will save you much time and sanity. (More on how to recognize if you are optimally ready, below.)
Second – unless you are working with a deadline that is out of your control (school requires it and school is starting soon), remember that you are not defined by how quickly your toddler potty trains. They are not defined by it either. Wooosah. Release any pressure or stress you might feel about doing it in a day, 2 days, 3 days. Nah. Don’t put that pressure on yourself. Without that pressure, you will be able to approach this milestone more calmly and you will be able to be flexible.
Check out these helpful potty training books:
- Did you know that the average family reports that it takes on average 3-6 months to fully potty train? (The method I use takes on average, 10 days. More on that below.) And, most blogs and friends won’t talk about how long it took for them to see 100% no accidents and stop using diapers for bedtimes. So, you aren’t getting a realistic idea of how long it takes, what is entailed, and what to expect.
So, whatever your reasoning is for starting potty training (ie: preschool requirements, personal preferences, etc…) there are 3 things that you‘ll want to answer ‘yes!’ to, to know if you are truly ready to begin (and successfully complete) potty training.
figuring out if You are Ready to potty train
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Here are the 3 top readiness signs, that will help you know if you are ready to start potty training, and have a successful experience…
1. My child is able to follow my lead correctly, through an activity
Do they listen correctly? Do you have patience if they do it wrong a couple times? Are you able to help, redirect and calm them if they get frustrated when trying to do something? If so, then the two of you Peaceful Potty Training. This is the method of potty training I’ve used for almost a decade now with 20+ toddlers, including my twins.
Know that the best time to start can vary with each child. The typical starting age is 22-28 months. I have trained 19 months to 3.5 years here at my daycare and preschool, depending on the needs and preferences of the family. I at 23 months (and honestly, would’ve happily waited until later – I explain why shortly)
With all of that experience, I want you to know that – having body urge awareness and potty awareness (rather than ‘interest’) is *key* to having the least stressful experience.
Another hugely important part of having a less stressful experience is knowing how to effectively manage your toddler’s feelings and reactions.
Read this next:
Potty Regressions – Why They Happen & What To Do
What Potty Training 20+ Toddlers (Including My Twins!) Has Taught Me
Help! I Believe My Toddler Is Capable Of Being Potty Trained But They Just Aren’t Interested
With toddler feelings, it’s important to understand that it is inevitable that your toddler will have feelings about the potty, whether it be fear of pooping or frustration about having to go sit down every time they feel pee or poop coming (or every time mom says, ‘let’s go sit’.)
This new habit is quite different AND so much more of a conscious effort that requires they take action and switch gears from what they’re currently doing. Using the potty is SO different from peeing and pooping in a diaper.
Because of this, when potty training, you will need to tune into your most patient, compassionate and empathetic self by validating your toddlers’ feelings, while also continuing to guide their behaviors toward the goal. (I’m sure you already strive to do this with your toddler and I know it can feel so hard to do especially when there is endless whining, sibling spats, or long days at work…)
Calmly navigating toddler feelings is what many parents find most challenging, and they often fall into believing their toddler isn’t ready.
Check out these helpful toddler potty & emotions books:
For example, just because your toddler cries and says ‘no’ to sitting, doesn’t mean they aren’t ready and capable of potty training. It also doesn’t mean we have to force or bribe – neither of which work long term and can create other behavioral and trust problems.
What it does mean is, we need to validate why they don’t want to go – fear, not wanting to leave toys, etc – comfort them with a hug to help them settle, then redirect and try again when they’re calm. And that may very well be after you’ve helped them settle down 2 or 3 more times.
After all, potty training is essentially you continuing to transition them from one thing (play) to another (the potty). And we all know toddlers struggle with transitions. We need to help them until they get more comfortable and calm, over time.
A peace corner is such a great tool for these instances and for handling toddler behaviors and emotions in general.
Suggested Resource:
The Peaceful Potty Training Method eBook – preview in my Etsy shop here.
My Peaceful Potty Training Method has worked for families who did not see success with the Oh Crap! method. If you follow a gentle, respectful, yet authoritative parenting style, the Peaceful Potty Training Method could be a great fit for you and our toddler.
some other general indicators of readiness are:
- Dislike for dirty diapers
- Announcing pee or poop
- Less soiled diapers
- Predictable pee/poop patterns
- Extended interest in the potty
- Mimicking your actions around the potty
- Hiding to go pee or poop
In my experience, younger toddlers <2-2.5 years old, often take longer to tune into their body’s urges.
Peeing and pooping has been a very passive thing for them until now, and if they aren’t yet aware of the feeling of having to go or that pee or poop is about to come, they won’t be able to adjust their actions to get to the toilet in time.
To potty train in the least amount of time with the least amount of stress, what needs to happen first is:
- for them to learn to recognize that ‘I’m about to pee/poop’ feeling – what it’s like (awareness)
- and then for the to understand what to do when they feel it (action).
This is where it gets tricky, most definitely. Teaching urge awareness can be difficult for many parents, making the potty training process take longer, feel more frustrating, require more patience and more cleanup.
Because of this^, potty training at this younger age (<2-2.5yrs) can sometimes mean the process will take longer, require more patience and teaching, have more accidents and go through a couple regressions.
Nonetheless, it’s possible. And again, it can vary child to child.
Read this next:
How To Get Your Toddler To Pee And Poop IN The Potty
What To Do If Your Toddler Gets Constipated When Potty Training
While the younger toddlers often lack urge awareness, it is equally important to know that older toddlers (almost 3-3 years old) can have more behavioral challenges to overcome, such as fears and push back. So, no matter the age, there will be challenges parents have to face and overcome.
The upcoming second and third readiness signs are really about *your* readiness and the overall potty training setting that you will create…
2. i can fully dedicate the first 3 days to set a solid foundation and learn their cues & habits
These 3 days will really set the tone for how the entire 10 days of potty training will go. You learn so much about your child and how to help them overcome obstacles in these first few days by noting their potty cues, potty fears, what calms and interests them, and any specific times they usually pee or poop. And, they begin to understand what it is all about and how to do what needs to be done, slowly but surely.
Read this next:
6 Super Helpful Potty Training Supplies Other Moms Swear By
How To Use A Peace Corner When Potty Training An Emotional Toddler
During these first 3 days, you focus on helping your toddler get comfortable sitting (with my Peaceful Potty Training Method I’m all about using interesting activities for this), manage and work through their feelings, and time their potty breaks according to their cues. Soon, you will be able to tell your partner and/or care team how to help your potty train effectively too.
If we fully focus on potty-training these first 3 days (rather than just have them sit a couple times here and there), we are able to help them focus on it and really get a solid hang of it. We learn their cues and their fears during this time, and can understand how to help them to the finish line.
Like anything else in life, if we don’t focus on a task, it gets pushed to the wayside, dragged out longer than needed or even forgotten.
Check out these helpful potty training tools:
3. i have a plan and feel equipped and confident to start
Do I know what to expect? Do I have an idea of how I’ll approach push back, fear, withholding, teaching urge awareness? Am I factoring in self-care time as well, because I know this process will be taxing, exhausting, maybe even infuriating, at times? Feeling equipped will keep it low-stress for all, and keep things progressing, despite inevitable challenges.
Don’t underestimate the power of preparing yourself for common and possible scenarios. Preparedness is power.
When you have a game plan, you can tackle the challenges that arise with calmness that will comfort and reassure your toddler, rather than feel out of control, confused and helpless. You can adjust to situations as you go, and make your way to the end in 10 days. Then, you can celebrate this new achievement together! (We throw a potty success party! Essentially like a birthday party where they choose cupcakes and decoration and gifts to celebrate their achievement!)
Read this next:
EVERYTHING You Will Need In Place For Low Stress Potty Training – Supplies & Self Care Tips
It’s helpful to know that many parents beyond the 10 days and that is both normal and ok.
Up to 80% of families polled reported potty training taking them 3-6 months. We all have different variables in our lives that delay our original plans in most parenting situations. This is ok. This is normal. Stay focused, consistent and flexible and you will get to the goal more peacefully, with some turns you didn’t expect to take along the way.
Remember, you are not defined by what age or how quickly you potty train your child. And neither are they!
Read this next:
Helpful Potty Training Supplies – What’s Working For Other Moms
final thoughts on starting potty training
If you can say ‘yes’ to these 3 things, you are *optimally ready* to start potty training! Don’t get me wrong, the journey will most likely still feel challenging. These 4 articles can help you get started with supplies, prepping your toddler and a proven potty training method:
If you aren’t yet able to answer ‘yes’, potty training can turn out to be far more difficult, stress-filled and emotionally taxing than it needs to be for both you and your toddler.
Fret not, I can help you get better prepared. First, take a look at all my Potty Training Blog Posts. These will better prepare you for this milestone.
I highly recommend every first timer read these blog posts:
These are a great place to start when learning about potty training and planning for your potty training journey.
As I mentioned earlier, I have potty trained more than 20 different toddlers, ages 19 months to 3+yrs old, here at my daycare & preschool. Most recently, my own twin toddlers. Phew! Lots of experiences (lol) and TONS of insights to share to help my fellow mom.
Read this next:
Indicators Your Toddler Is About To Pee Or Poop – How To Teach Awareness
So, if you want more specific day-to-day guidance, preview my complete Peaceful Potty Training Course.The course is broken down into 41 supportive and informative lessons, 3.5 hours of no-fluff training videos that makes the entire potty training process from start to finish (day AND night training), clear and easy to digest.
Not a 3 day quick fix, but a real, simple, supportive plan that covers all the scenarios and shows you what to prepare, what to say, what steps to take and exactly how to handle inevitable challenges, with less power struggles, less tears and less stress for all. Yes! This is going to change that scary potty training narrative we keep hearing about, completely 😉
This course provides all the information you need to know to get started with potty training, a clear plan for your type of toddler & equip you to handle common & inevitable challenges like withholding, poop fears, refusal to sit & continued accident. We will also cover nighttime, outings and if your toddler goes to daycare. Each parent who enrolls in the course will also receive my step-by-step Peaceful Potty Training In 10 Days eBook, Toddler Potty eBook, 4 Potty Chart Printables, 1 Bathroom Activity, A Potty Affirmations Printable & A Potty Certificate, all as bonuses! (aka free!)
So, whether you are just about to get started and want a plan that suits your toddler or if you are currently stuck, maybe having tried the 3 day method and are still seeing accidents, refusal to sit, poop fears and hearing ‘no’s!’, this course is for you. I’ve poured all my expertise into it and am so excited for you to learn how you too, can tackle potty training with more ease, more strategy, less quick fixes and make it to the end goal with more sanity!
To enroll, you can go here: Peaceful Potty Training Course
You can also download a FREE Peace Potty Training Starter Guide Cheat Sheet, by inputting your name and email here.
Here’s to keeping this milestone less stressful, less of a struggle and more of a flowing, passing phase that you help your precious little, amazing human navigate through with more ease and bonding!
