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How Often Should I Remind My Toddler To Go Potty?
Hoooweee! Potty training.
How are you doin’ momma? Are you potty training now?
Accidents, frustrations, confusion creeping in? Stay strong – you’ve got this! (and I can help if you feel you don’t ‘got this’. Help is on the way! See all my potty training posts here.)
Otherwise, you’re here because you want to know how often should I remind my toddler to go potty? I can help, and let me start with – well, it depends…
I’ve potty trained more than 20 toddlers, including my twins (yikes!) so, I have lots of tips and tools for you up ahead 😉
Maybe you haven’t yet started but are preparing to start soon? Aw the anxiety-inducing milestone that potty training is for so many moms around the world.
Potty training is a consuming task that takes extra patience (we swear sometimes we don’t have), requires additional cleanup (ugh) and demands added emotional support when our toddler is fussing (yet again, ah!)
In the beginning of the potty training process, especially if your toddler is on the younger side (20 months to under 2.5 years), there is a lot of constant helping, reminding, cheering, cleaning, wiping, following, watching like a hawk, going on.
And because where you are in the potty training process will help determine how often you will want to remind them to go to the potty, let’s take a look at where you are today…
What stage of potty training are you in?
If you are further along in the potty training process and notice that your toddler has exhibited decent bladder control and urge awareness, and sometimes uses the potty on their own just fine but sometimes also has accidents, you may want to look for any pattern as to when they usually have the accidents (when outside playing farther from the potty, right after meal time, right after nap, etc).
Often times, you will be able to recognize typical times they poop or pee. Take potty breaks together around those times.
Many parents may feel like this is a step backwards and sometimes there are regressions that happen, particularly when there a big changes in a toddler’s life like – welcoming a new sibling, starting daycare or traveling.
Despite feeling like you are taking a step backward, you can also re-frame to feel confident that you know exactly what will help them get back to being more consistent with using the potty again.
In general, many parents have a hard time getting their toddler to sit on the potty. It’s extremely normal and likely that your toddler will say ‘no’ if asked – ‘do you have to go potty? or ‘do you want to go to the potty?’
Because of this, one of my top recommendations, that has worked for ALL the toddlers I have potty trained (20+, including my twins), is to set the bathroom up as an extension of your toddler’s play area. What I mean is, get some cool activities and toys in there to get them excited about sitting AND engaged while sitting.
My article How To Potty Train Like A Pro, The Peaceful Potty Training Method will help walk you exactly through my process and give you activity ideas and more.
Overall, remember – when you are deciding on the best times/intervals to take your toddler to the bathroom, it is so important to consider their potty cues. This will set you (and them) up for the most successes.
Using their potty cues to determine timing is key
Keep in mind that many toddlers, when just switching from diapers to the potty, don’t yet have the awareness of what it feels like to have to go, nor do they have the bladder control to hold it. This is why frequent accidents are so common when just starting potty training.
By tuning into your toddler’s potty cues, you will be able to identify an ideal schedule according to their ‘body (potty) clock’, that will get them to the potty right before or right when they are about to pee or poop.
Then, as you are taking them to the potty during these times, you can explain what is happening in their body and what they need to do when they ‘feel it in their tummy’ or ‘start crossing their legs’.
This blog post will help you understand what the top indicators that a toddler has to pee and poop are AND how to start talking to your little one about body awareness and what to do when they feel they have to go – Indicators Your Toddler Is About To Pee or Poop + Teaching Urge Awareness.
It might feel silly or strange at first to announce their actions and explain to them what to do next, but once you see them grasping what you’re saying and taking the actions you’ve told them to, you’ll start to feel relieved, excited and proud. Plus, they’ll start to feel capable and proud as well!
the best approach and wording when reminding
The amount of repetition and consistency that is required to effectively parent a toddler can feel utterly nauseating and exhausting at times. Potty training takes things to a new level as it’s like an intensive; a boot camp of sorts, with your toddler, testing your patience, creative problem solving and sanity.
Because there is so much more ‘of you’ that is required all day long during potty training, it is SO helpful for you to have a few strategies that you can depend on.
In my experience, the best way to remind toddlers to go sit on the potty is to to do the following:
- Give them a heads up a couple minutes before it’s time to sit – “Ok, 2 more minutes and we are going to take a potty break together. I’ll let you know when! Play play!”
- Invite them to do something cool with you while they sit on the potty (do this until they are less fussy about sitting just to sit and pee or poop and sitting will be WAY easier). If they are consumed in a game or with a toy – tell them bring it with them. – “Ok, potty break! Let’s go blow up some balloons while we sit! Bring your cars with you!”
- Focus on how quick and easy it will be to just sit and ‘see if anything has to come out, just in case.’ ‘Just in case’ is one of my favorite lines when potty training toddlers who are having accidents or saying they don’t have to go – “Let’s go, we’ll be real quick! Fast like a race car!”
- Hype them up, even just for sitting – “you’re a rockstar! You’re learning! Look at you! I’m so proud of you for sitting and trying! You should be so proud of yourself, this is a big deal! Let’s keep trying, just in case!” 😉 When you reinforce the simple act of sitting, they will happily do it more often. And when they do it more often, they will start getting more pee and poop in the potty, regularly. Practice makes progress!
proximity to the potty is key
A huge part of the success I see with my Peaceful Potty Training Method is due to the fact that we stay and play near the potty for the first 3 days.
What?! 3 days!? Yes. We rearrange the play area to be near the bathroom we will use AND we set up cool activities in the bathroom to help us pass time while sitting. These 3 days are their foundation to this brand new habit.
In the grand scheme of a week and beyond, 3 days is nothing. BUT I know it can feel like a lifetime when you are in it minute to minute with a busy, filled-with-feelings-and-energy toddler.
Nonetheless, by staying near the potty, you will be able to focus on the task and help your toddler do the same. A few seconds can make all the difference between getting to the potty in time. And, the less space your toddler has between point A to point B, the less accidents and frustrations there will be for all. Let’s set up our space (and ourselves) for success!
As I mentioned earlier, I KNOW how it can feel to focus on potty training. It can be overwhelming and exhausting, and that is why I am a huge advocate for taking intentional self care moments each day when potty training. Notice I say ‘moments’. A few minutes of reset; breathing; laughing; quiet, can go a long way for stress management. You will feel SO much better when you do this, guaranteed!
I talk more about all the things you will need, including supplies, mindset and simple daily self care ideas, in this blog post: Everything You Need For Low Stress Potty Training.
Hate the idea of playing near the potty? I understand. I also understand that this is a huge change and undertaking for your toddler and if you are in and out of the house, and playing far from the potty, the likelihood of accidents and burnout is high. This is what I strive to avoid with my method.
Not to worry though, you will be out of the house for outings and in normal play areas soon! Typical day potty training mastery comes at around 7-10 days, depending on a toddler’s age and readiness. Once your toddler has had some solid practice and time to adapt to this new way of peeing and pooping, you will feel confident (rather than scared) about leaving the house. Pro tip here: when you do leave the house, keep a potty in the trunk or back of car if possible. This way, you can stop and let your child pee or poop as needed, and do so before going into any store etc.
Ok, so again, if you really hate the idea of staying near the potty, one thing you can try, that I utilized during quarantined living when the pandemic had us all at home (and challenged us with added stress and strain) was a scaffolding-type approach.
With this approach, you still want to have interesting activities that you’ll utilize to get your toddler excited to sit and to keep them busy when they do. However, you will put the potty close to you, in whatever room you are in. Be sure to show your toddler where it is if you are moving it around. Everything else is the same – giving a heads up, taking potty breaks together etc.
Then, as your toddler gets better at getting to the potty at the right time, you can slowly move it further and further away (closer to the regular bathroom).
Whenever moving the potty, always remind your toddler that the potty is farther away and they will have to practice with you to get to it in time now that it’s farther. And if your toddler is not yet self-initiating and you are still taking potty breaks together, be sure to time those according to how far you are from the potty.
This approach can work well for some toddlers, but may be more confusing to others. With some experimenting, you will see if it works for your toddler.
potty breaks and reminders can upset your toddler
All feelings are allowed. However, not all behaviors are. This is HUGE when operating side by side with toddlers. It can be confusing at times. ‘Oh that makes them upset. Ok, we don’t have to do it.’ Sure, this is valid in many situations – play, wearing certain outfits, forcing hugs etc…
But the reality is, a lot of things make toddlers upset – cutting their nails, brushing their teeth, getting in the car, putting on their clothes, brushing their hair, going to the doctor, leaving the park…. Yet, we have to help them do these things. And there are ways we can make these tasks more appealing and enjoyable (for all).
The same goes for potty training. ALL toddlers I’ve potty trained have had feelings about it, whether they were 20 months or 3.5 years old. Some were more intense about their feelings, while others expressed them more calmly.
We use a Peace Corner here for teaching and practicing self-regulation. The toddlers take to it well and use it often to decompress. I think this is an extremely powerful and helpful space to have in any home, for so many situations.
Overall, when it comes to your toddlers’ feelings during potty training – I want you to know that just because your toddler is having certain feelings about it, doesn’t mean that you have to give up or that they aren’t ready.
You can validate their feelings and help them through their emotions, and still get to the goal, respectfully and more peacefully.
Here are a couple blog posts that will help you navigate your toddler’s big feelings during potty training:
And this one will help you decipher if they are in fact ready for potty training, so you can feel confident about your decision to start, despite feelings your toddler expresses:
final thoughts
Follow your toddler’s cues to determine when they usually poop and pee, plan your reminders according to those times.
Go with them to the potty if they aren’t yet self-initiating, and use interesting activities to get them excited to sit/keep them busy while sitting.
Keep exercising extra patience and routine consistency if they regress or take longer than you anticipated to nail this new habit down.
Be sure to take moments to yourself for self-care so that you can sustain, as potty training is rarely easy, and never compare your journey to another person’s!
I hope this was helpful! I’ll leave you with this blog post I recently wrote about 9 key lessons I’ve learned from potty training 20+ toddlers including my twins, I think it’s a great read for any potty training first timer! – What Potty Training 20+ Toddlers (including my twins!) Has Taught Me
And if you’d like some FREE potty charts and a potty certificate for your little one, you can download those here. Xx
