How To Get Kids To Do Chores: Never Struggle With Clean Up Again! - Low Stress Motherhood

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How To Get Kids To Do Chores

Not sure what to do when kids won’t do chores?

Well, there is somewhat of a secret recipe for getting kids to do chores, and I know it by heart.

In this blog post, I will share with you how I get toddlers and preschoolers to help clean up every day, in a peaceful and calm way, with minimal to no fuss.

As the owner of a Montessori-inspired playschool, and the mom of twin preschoolers, I oversee a lot of clean up time with young kids.

I know a lot about what works to motivate young children and what does the opposite.

Once you include these clean up time habits at home, you will (almost) never struggle with getting your child to do chores again!

Focus On The Teamwork, First

Do you notice that your young child loves to do things with you?

They want to try what you’re eating, sit next to you, do what you’re doing….

Lean into that.

Harness that curiosity and eagerness to ‘do like mommy does’ and use it at chore time by doing things as a team.

This is part of the secret sauce for how to get kids to do chores from an early age!

Here is what it might sound like: “Ok, we’re going to put some of these blocks back since we are going to go color now. Pass mommy all the blue! I will grab the red. Look at how fast we are doing it! Great teamwork!”

In my home with my children, and at my playschool with the children I look after, chores are about teamwork – what I’m doing and what they’re doing, and what we do together.

As the child gets older, I can assign them one thing while I do another. Or, they choose one thing to do, while I do another.

It’s a very natural and simple way to do one or more chores.

Time It

Many parents find that their young children do well with a timer, whether it be to leave the park or watch a show.

The same goes for clean up time.

Cleaning up can be overwhelming, especially if there is a lot to do.

So, saying a set amount of time can give your child some perspective on how long they will be cleaning.

Instead of looking around and feeling like, ‘omg this is going to take forever/I can’t do all this’ and fussing about it, they will focus on the amount of minutes you tell them and feel more motivated.

I like to use 1, 2, 3, 4, or 5 minutes.

1-5 minutes is realistic time frame for the toddler to preschool-age children, and a lot can be done in that time, especially if family members work together.

This is part of that ‘secret recipe’ for how to get kids to do chores, especially at the toddler and preschooler-age 😉

Here is what it might sound like: “Alright, before we head out to the park, let’s spend 5 minutes tidying up. Mommy will organize the table. Daddy what are you going to help with? Savannah, what are you going to help with for 5 minutes – the train tracks or the puzzles?”

Lean Into Routine

Make cleaning up a habit and part of your regular daily routine.

There are some great ways to do it that will keep things more simple and manageable, like they do in Montessori…

In a Montessori setting, they set things up in what is called a ‘prepared environment’.

This means, the space is set up as efficiently as possible for little people – stools so they can reach lights and sinks, everything has a designated place often with a picture so the child can match the object to the shelf it belongs on… basically, young children can access things independently and keep things tidy and uncluttered, easily.

Within this setting, with the activities they do, they follow a routine. Ie: when you are done with an activity, you put it back before moving on to the next.

Here in my home and at my playschool, I call it ‘play and put away’.

From a young age, I show the children how to ‘play and put away’.

I remind them, help them and reward them, and it becomes a habit over time.

Here is what it might sound like: “Here, we play and put away. Like this. It only takes a minute. Now we know where all of our toys are and have lots of room to play!”

This is one way of creating a routine and a habit around clean up.

Another way I ‘lean into routine’ is by tidying up before we do something else.

For example, before bed time, before heading out for the day, before watching a movie, before leaving for a trip – these are all specific times I might tell everyone to pause, look around, and help tidy up, first.

Here are some examples of when we clean up each day:

Before morning snack

Tidying table after snack

Before lunch

Tidying table after lunch

Before nap

Tidying table after afternoon snack

Before pick up time/gathering their things

Before bath/bed time

And, because we tidy throughout the day as part of our routine, we don’t have one huge, overwhelming mess at the end of each day to handle.

Definitely less stress!

Note: read the tips ‘break it down’ and ‘be realistic’ below to see how long and what type of tasks make the most sense for toddlers and preschoolers to do.

Avoid Calling Them Chores, Use ‘Responsibilities’ Instead

Nobody likes the word ‘chore’.

There’s such an attitude of negativity around it in real life and in shows, so I don’t use it.

I don’t want to bring that negative energy into my home and teach it to my children by choice.

So, I avoid using the word ‘chore’ and instead, call it ‘tidying up’ and ‘taking care of our home’, focusing on the outcome and feelings we have after.

I also teach my children that household tasks are our responsibilities.

Responsibilities will continue to grow as our children do, so this is a great concept to intoduce young, and help them practice in simple ways.

Haha, yes! So want to know how to get kids to do chores?? Don’t call them chores!

We don’t want that ‘chore energy’ around here!

Here is what it might sound like: (In a calm, matter-of-fact voice) “We are a family and we all live in this house. We eat here, bathe here, play here, rest here, so it is all of our responsibility to take care of our home and our things here. It feels so nice to know where our toys are when we want them. It’s so nice to have space and not trip or step on something pokey. Let’s all take 5 minutes and help tidy up one area.”

Cleaning up can ease stress and overwhelm.

Helping family with household tasks can make a child feel a sense of pride and belonging.

Having a tidy, organized home can bring more calm and joy to our lives.

Taking care of our home together allows us to bond, connect, and chat with our family members.

There is so much positivity that can come from cleaning up together.

Using the word ‘chore’ is not part of that good energy we want.

Help Them Practice How To Do It Right

Surely your child will grow into their own style of cleaning and organizing that works well for their room and their things.

In the beginning though, don’t be afraid to teach them how to properly organize things.

Being organized might not come naturally to some, and it is truly a powerful skill to have in life!

This is definitely a big part of how to get kids to do chores – teaching them organizing!

Here is what it might sound like: “Instead of just throwing a bunch of toys into a basket all mixed together, let’s organize them so we can find your toys easily when you want them next time, ok? I’ll show you how. It only takes a minute. Let’s try!“

Stay relaxed, start organizing, and invite them to help by saying “come on”.

Maybe you show them how to line books up properly on a shelf and ask them to practice the same until they get it.

Maybe you teach them to organize by size. Ie: “Let’s keep large stuffed animals in this bin and small stuffed animals in that bin so you can find them easier – you try it.”

Maybe you show them how to hang clothes on a hanger, and let them practice, so they don’t just stuff the clothes under their bed.

Be patient.

Remind them.

Help them practice.

Make it less about ‘getting it done’ and more about ‘getting it done right’, so they don’t have to do it a second time AND so they can actually find things when they want or need them.

Your child ever get worried or frustrated that they can’t find something?

This is a great teaching moment to remind them that when they keep their things organized they’ll be able to find them easier.

Turn On Some Tunes They Love

Want to help your child get into a feel-good vibe for cleaning up??

Throw on their favorite songs!

Just like we get hyped up or happy or relaxed by our favorite songs, so do our children!

I do this with my twins and my playschool kids, and they are always jazzed to help!

They sing along or jump around while putting toys and clothes away. Very cute!

Who knew that how to get kids to do chores came down to feelin’ the good vibes from music, huh?

Let’s get in a good mood, a good mindset…

Here is what it might sound like: “Alright, let’s spend 5 minutes organizing before bath play. What music do you want mommy to turn on?!”

(Right now they are requesting Elsa, Spiderman theme, Sonic songs, Lay Down Sally, and Moana’s How Far I’ll Go)

Don’t Use Them As Punishment

Once you decide to affiliate household tasks with punishment, you are sure to create a negative energy and resentment toward them.

Not what we want.

We want cooperation, more calm, and more togetherness in our homes.

I don’t use punishments.

I set rules and use consequences that relate directly to the unwanted behavior.

For example, if a child cannot turn of their ipad and put it away when it’s time to go to bed, I will have to take it and do it for them.

If a child hits another child, they will be removed from the area until they are calm, we will talk about what happened, why hitting isn’t ok, what they can do instead, and they will have to show me they can express themselves in a different way if they want to play together again.

If they can’t show me playing without hitting, they will play separately until they can.

Studies show that punishing children, especially corporal punishment, has the opposite effect, and can actually worsen difficult behaviors.

I’ve seen this as a truth, first-hand here at my playschool and now with my own children.

I see much better behavior, more confidence, and more happiness from children who have fair consequences rather than harsh punishments.

I also notice that families are more peaceful and happy without punishments.

So, I urge you to avoid punishments and using household tasks as a punishment.

Definitely not how to get kids to do chores!

Instead, research some effective ways to teach your young child the lessons you want to teach them, sans punishment.

Set House Rules & Decide On Fair Consequences To Use Regularly

So, your child doesn’t want to clean up. What now?

This can be expected when you first start enforcing the rule that ‘everyone helps’.

Give it time, stick to the new rules and consequences, and stay positive and calm.

Remember that fair and regularly enforced rules and consequences are a normal part of a healthy home life.

Studies show that children feel safe and thrive best when they have reasonable limits at home.

Here are some things you can do and consequences you can try.

If there is no time constraint, you could give them the option to tidy up at a later time, but sometime on the same day.

Another key thing I do that is very helpful is to explain the natural consequences of not cleaning up. Ie: we can’t find toys when we want them, we feel sad or frustrated more often, we might step on and break a toy or hurt our foot, we won’t have any room to play…

A fair consequence to not tidying up could be not being able to do the next thing in the day until they do tidy up.

For example, “there will be no ipad time until we tidy up this area”.

Tidy, then ipad. (Enter their favorite music and a little teamwork.)

Another fair consequence could be, “if you can’t put these toys back when you are done, we will have to put them away until you are older and able to do so.”

This could work well for older siblings who need to keep certain toys away from a baby sibling for safety or for larger puzzles or activities that have tons of tiny pieces you feel overwhelmed by always having to clean up.

One of my go-to consequences is, “you aren’t ready for the next thing (going outside, playing a new activity, having a snack), until you help with xyz.”

Yes, consequences can be part of that ‘secret recipe’ for how to get kids to do chores.

This might sound like: “Snack time! Let’s all get ready by helping clear the toys off the floor and put them where they go. Organize. Once, the toys are up, we are ready! I’ll get the blocks!”

I announce the expectation and help out a little, to get them going.

The consequence is – they won’t get a snack until they help.

Another thing I like to do when a child doesn’t want to clean up is ask, “what will make it easier for you to help?”

Sometimes, we don’t understand what the root cause of our child’s behavior is.

By asking, we can find answers that help us gain more understanding and cooperation.

Remember, many young children will struggle with new rules and consequences.

What I find helpful is being empathetic, holding to the rule, and doing things with them for the first few times.

For example, I might say: “I know this is new. We all need to help. Come on, I will go with you. It will only take a minute. We got this.”

With time and support, the child will soon get into the new habit of cleaning up before the next thing, and won’t need you to hold their hand through it.

Soon, your family will be a well-oiled, teamwork machine!

And, you’ll feel less stressed and so proud of those moments!

Be Realistic About Their Age

Toddlers and preschoolers are very able, to a certain extent.

If you want to know how to get kids to do chores at this age, it’s important to be realistic and adjust your expectations accordingly…

Their attention spans are around 3 minutes to 10 minutes, depending on the task at hand.

Also, like us adults, they can get demotivated when they feel pressured, criticized, or overwhelmed.

So, just take this into consideration when you are setting your expectations about what your child should be doing.

A few minutes of helping, or helping with a single task, is a HUGE win and a great stepping stone to bigger tasks as they get older.

We want to build their confidence with cleaning up, not feed overwhelm or upset that cripples them from doing so.

Break It Down Into 1-2 Tasks

Expanding on the point above about being realistic, is to break it down into 1-2 tasks.

Your child is less likely to be overwhelmed and demotivated AND they have clear direction on exactly how to start and what to do – no paralysis.

How this might sound: Instead of – “clean up your room”.

You might say:

1) ‘put all your dolls back on the shelf’

and

2) ‘pile all your dress-up clothes in the bin’

Breaking bigger tasks down into 1-2 things is a BIG part of that ‘secret recipe’ for how to get kids to do chores!

No questions about where to start and no dwelling in feeling overwhelmed by a mess.

Many young children will say “I can’t do it” or “it’s too much”, when we just say “clean this room up”.

Breaking it down, avoids this.

Recognize & Celebrate Your Child When You See Them Cleaning Up

Positive attention and reinforcement is a powerful motivator and behavior-shaper for young children.

Use it, often.

Just like you feel happy, seen, and motivated when your boss recognizes your effort and work, your child will feel the same when you recognize them!

So much of the time we are looking for behaviors to correct, that we forget to look for behaviors to celebrate and reward.

Reward! Celebrate!

Yes! We’re back to that positivity and feeling good as a powerful part of how to get kids to do chores!

If you find that you forget to reward and celebrate regularly, maybe write down a to do list about it and check it off each day until it is a habit.

You will notice your child shine so much brighter each day when you do this.

Also, you will feel so much more positive about your child because you are recognizing more good behaviors.

A win, win!

Start Young & Build Off Those Habits As They Grow

As soon as your child is able to do things on their own, you can start to introduce “play and put away”.

With a young toddler, this might sound like: “Ok, all done blocks. Bye bye.” (You lead by example and model putting blocks back into a bin. Maybe you hand them one and point into the bin.)

You can show them how to push their chair in after eating, then say, “your turn”, to encourage them to practice.

Some other things you can have them help with are:

Taking their bowl to the sink after snack time

Throwing their pouch in the rubbish when they’re done with it

Helping put their clean dishes back in their cabinet

Lining their shoes up nicely by the door so no one trips

Putting their bath toys in their designated spot at the end of bath time

Taking clean, folded laundry to their room

Look at your routine and think of simple ways your child can help throughout the day.

Anchoring to our daily routine is a key piece of the ‘secret recipe’ for how to get kids to do chores!

What I do with my twins and my playschool children each day, is have them help with clean up responsibilities before moving on to something else.

So, tidy up times might be:

Before morning snack

Tidying table after snack

Before lunch

Tidying table after lunch

Before nap

Tidying table after afternoon snack

Before pick up/gathering their things

Before bath/bed time

Again, I focus 1-2 tasks, broken down, that take 1-5 minutes.

And, I play music they love plus I help, too.

Soon, it is a habit for the children and they rarely ever fuss about it.

It’s routine!

I simply say, “Ok, snack time! What do we need to do to get ready for snack?! Let’s do it!”

It’s fair and we all work together.

What To Do If Your Child Refuses To Do Chores?

I touched on this above under “set house rules and consequences”.

Many young children may struggle with any new routine, rule, or consequence.

So, if having your child help tidy up around the house is new to your family, then there might be a grace period you need to give yourself and your child.

I want you to remember this, though…

This is an adjustment period, it doesn’t mean it is not working or is not possible.

Adjusting to something new can be challenging and messy, and take some time.

So, expect some pushback.

Expect to have to empathize.

Expect to have to calmly enforce consequences. (Yes! We don’t have to be big, mad, and loud when we enforce consequences. Think of it like a kind boss telling his staff about a new rule – would he shout and yell? Or would he keep his calm and listen to his staff’s concerns, then reiterate the rule?)

Expect emotions.

Expect having to calmly explain ‘why’ you’re doing this and ‘why’ everyone helps.

You might get frustrated.

Take breaks and breaths, and remember the point of this is to have everyone in the family be a helpful participant, to teach responsibility, and to build skills.

Keep going.

Here is what you can try if your child refuses to help clean up:

Remind them of the rule

Talk about the natural consequences of not cleaning up. Ie: you won’t know where your toys are when you want them, you might trip/break a toy/get hurt, clutter can make you more frustrated…

Calmly explain why it’s fair for everyone to help (“we all live here, we all help take care of our home…”)

Explain that all families do it (use some of their friends’ names – “Jackie helps at her home, Seth cleans up at his home, everyone!”)

Talk about responsibility (we have them at home, at school, out at events…)

Ask them what will make it easier for them. Have them thing and tell you their ideas

Tell them you will help them with it for the first few days (some children need extra support)

Work as a team

Celebrate them after with a high five and a special treat (“you did it! So helpful and so kind, let’s get a goodie for you!”)

Brag about your child helping to your spouse or a family member in front of them to make them feel proud

Tell them you want to make it easy for them to get used to so assign or have them choose just 1 thing

Ask them what music they want to listen to

Remind them of the consequences that will happen

Leverage what is next. Ie: “Do you want to sit with us and have a snack too? Then, we need to tidy. Come on, I’ll go with you. It only takes a minute.”

At What Age Should Children Do Chores?

As soon as your child can move freely on their own, you can start getting them into the habit of helping around the house with age-appropriate things.

This way, it will be a very natural thing for them to help as they grow, rather than a new, forced burden later when they’re older.

You’ve probably noticed that your toddler follows you to the laundry room, wants to help you put dog food in the bowl, and wants to grab silverware out of the dishwasher.

Use that eagerness and interest, and include your child in daily household tasks so it becomes routine.

It will be a very organic process, following their lead!

Here are some examples of chores (eh, hem – household responsibilities) your child can help with by age:

1-2: Help put some toys back after playing, put dishes in the sink after eating, help mom prep meals, put laundry in the hamper, put food in dog bowl.

2-3: “Play and put away” – when you are done with a toy/activity put it back before moving on, help make their bed, help put clean laundry away, organize mixed up toys, tidy up table after their snacks and meals, wipe down their bathroom counter after brushing teeth, help dump their bathroom trash bin

3-4: Help dust, help put groceries away, feed pet, make their bed, use a dustpan for little messes from meals/snacks, water plants

4-5: Help load/unload dishwasher, sweep an area, vacuum an area, help load/unload the laundry machine, help wash car/vacuum car

I’ve found that young children love to do things with the adults in their lives.

Lean into that.

Depending on their age, give your child 1+ tasks to do with or alongside you.

Beautiful teamwork.

Doing household tasks together can be a wonderful opportunity to bond, connect, laugh, and spend quality time.

Having these responsibilities builds a child’s self-reliance, sense of belonging, and reduces overall stress.

Approaching household tasks in this way will make your home life feel much more peaceful and happy.

What Is A Natural Consequence For Not Doing Chores?

A natural consequence will be something that happens, that is not imposed by us as parents.

For example, this might be that your child:

Feels sad or frustrated, they can’t find a toy they want to use

Steps on and breaks a toy left on the floor

Doesn’t have room to play

Hurts their foot or ankle from tripping on or stepping on a toy

Has bugs like ants in the house because of food or crumbs left around

Feels overwhelmed by the mess and behaves ‘out-of-sorts’

As your child gets older and has more responsibility at home, the natural consequences might also include things like: The dog will go hungry and whine, they won’t have their favorite clothes to wear because they are still dirty, dishes pile in the sink and smell bad, they have a huge task since they didn’t do the smaller tasks earlier….

Teaching your child about natural consequences will give the more perspective and awareness, and can help motivate them.

Using some parent-imposed consequences plus making your child aware of natural consequences – and bringing attention to those when they happen, is a balanced way to approach discipline when it comes to household tasks.