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Should I Force My Toddler To Sit On The Potty?
should you force your child to sit on the potty?
Potty training can be HaRDDDDD.
And, although potty training can seem impossible with a toddler who suddenly refuses to sit on the potty (or maybe they have from the start), and you may feel that forcing or giving up is your only choice, I want to assure you (someone who has potty trained more than 20 different types of toddlers plus my own twin toddlers) that those aren’t your only choices. I will share what I do when working with a toddler who’s refusing to sit on potty during potty training…
Toddlers temperament, personalities, likes, dislikes, wants and interests are all different. If your toddler isn’t self-initiating sitting by themselves and/or isn’t motivated by not wanting wetness on them or dirty pants anymore, you are likely going to have to help motivate them, accept their learning pace and remember this along the way: making toddlers comfortable and helping them handle big feelings WILL help them potty train. And this: their pace at learning may be slower than you’d like or expected.
“Making toddlers comfortable and helping them handle big feelings WILL help them potty train. Their pace at learning the potty may be slower than you’d like or expected.“
This is why, your readiness is SO KEY too, because, depending on how your toddler is, there may be more or less work cut out for you during potty training.
Read this next:
When To Start Potty Training Your Toddler (so it’s MUCH easier for all!)
20 Biggest Potty Training Mistakes To Avoid
How To Potty Train Like A Pro – Tips Every First Timer Needs To Know
So let’s start by saying a solid no to forcing. Do you like to be forced to do things? How do you feel and react toward the person who is forcing you to do something?
Scientifically speaking, forcing a child to do anything can cause more power struggles and create a strain on the parent-child relationship. So basically, this will create more headache and stress and a disconnect between you and your child.
Not what we want.
So, here is what I do when a toddler suddenly refuses to sit on the potty
(…or if toddler cries when sitting on the potty / toddler peeing on floor not potty / toddler shouts ‘no!’ when it’s time to go to the potty – all of the above!)
1. Check for optimal readiness
2. Prepare them, myself and my space for the change
3. Focus on making them comfortable in the bathroom with activities that interest them. If your toddler cries when sitting on the potty, you may want to revisit prepping them, use activities to interest and calm them so they can release AND think about whether they seem fearful of the potty. If so, facing that fear head on is best.
4. Jot down any current potty cues & timing they have
5. Time potty breaks off of their particular cues to get the most pee and poop in the potty at the start. This will excite and motivate you both.
6. Go together until they self-initiate sitting. Many toddlers, especially the ones who need lots of help, don’t yet have urge awareness. Likewise, many aren’t motivated on their own and need your help to get there each time to build this habit. Practice makes progress! Help them get there until they start going on their own.
7. Tell, don’t ask: “Potty break! You usually have to pee right about now. Let’s go just in case. Bring your puzzle or we can put some stickers on your butterfly chart!”
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8. Give them time to process & options to choose from: “Ok, 2 more minutes with block and then we’re gonna go sit on the potty for a minute! You can bring your tower to keep building or we can blow up some balloons together while we sit. Up to you!”
9. Hold the boundary while also comforting & giving them a minute if they’re upset: Get down to their level, arms open. “I know it’s hard to keep stopping your games and go sit on the potty. This is all brand new. It only takes a minute and you will be back to your blocks! You can bring your tower with you too!” If they get upset, that is fair and normal! You can say something like, “I know it can feel frustrating. Let’s take a minute and try again when you feel better. Want a hug? Want to go look through our little monkey book?” Prioritizing your calm and genuine delivery when talking to them is very important.
10. Focus on helping them cope with their big feelings and showing them ways they can (eventually with practice done together) cope on their own.
11. Remind them of the goal and what do – through reading, role play with a doll, chatting (often). Here are some books you can add into your story time to prep and keep exposing them to the idea and act of using the potty:
12. Recognize & incentivize all efforts (which motivates future actions!): “You did so great trying to get to the potty in time! Let’s have some gummies with lunch!” “You did great at trying to calm down when you were feeling upset today. Let’s have an ice pop in the bath tonight!”
13. Celebrate – tell their siblings or their dad about their successes in front of them. High five them when they pee in the potty or when they try to, when they sit longer, or when they do anything a little better than before. Celebrate them in a special way that shows you see their growth and successes!
14. Remember: making toddlers comfortable and helping them handle big feelings WILL help them potty train
15. Remember this too: their pace at learning the potty may be slower than you’d like or expected
Some helpful peaceful potty training supplies:
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Everything you need to know to start potty training with more ease, confidence and calm.
Additional potty training notes
The first few days are often wild – and by wild I mean, filled with messes, feelings and challenges. So, depending on your toddler, this may be how your first handful of days goes. This is normal. Using a long weekend is a great time to start the potty training process.
Using the potty is SO different for toddlers and it is a lot for them to learn – now wearing undies, listening to their bodies, timing their run to the potty, washing their hands, feeling how poop feels free falling into a potty rather than in a snug diaper – and they have to all of this multiple times a day. It’s a big deal for them and can be a messy process.
Here are a few articles that will keep things calmer and easier for all:
Remember, transitions are hard for toddlers. And potty training is filled with transitions all day – play to the potty, play then potty, play then potty – so expect feelings and push back to arise, and be as best prepared as you can be to validate their feelings and comfort, and continue on. When you do these 3 things, you will have less power struggles.
Rest assured, they will get a hang of using the potty with practice and by you bringing awareness to their bodily urges if they don’t yet recognize when they have to go (which most toddlers don’t when just starting out with potty training)
Wondering how long should toddler sit on the potty? Want some tricks to get your toddler to poop on potty? This article has what you need: 3 Reasons Your Toddler Won’t Poop In The Potty & What To Do About It
You can also learn more about when and why potty training regressios happen, here: Potty Training Regressions – Why They Happen & What To Do
And finally, if your toddler is in daycare, this article walks you through how you can potty train when your child goes to daycare: How To Potty Train When Your Child Is In Daycare
For more potty training support, you can read all my potty training blog posts, here.
And consider signing up for my free Peaceful Potty Training Cheat Sheet, complete with supply list, what to expect and how to prepare in the boxes below.
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Read this next:
5 Nighttime Potty Training Tips For Stressed Moms
EVERYTHING You Need In Place For Low Stress Potty Training
What To Do If Your Toddler Gets Constipated During Potty Training
More potty training supplies you may need:
