Things No One Tells You About Potty Training & How To Handle Them

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1. Days 1-3 of potty-training are not about peeing and pooping in the potty

Because of the belief that a pee or a poop in the potty are the only indicators of potty-training success on the first few days, I want to share with you what the first few days are TRULY about so that we shatter this discouraging belief before you begin.

Days 1-3 of potty-training are where YOU learn.

Huh? Yesssss. You learn:

Your child’s potty cues
Your child’s fears
How to communicate with them about their fears
What to say to overcome challenges
What works for keeping them calm and patient while waiting on the potty

THESE are successes. And having this mindset will make your potty-training experience far less stressful for you & your child.

Ok, now that we have the mindset for the first few days, let me walk you through how to get started with potty-training:

Get your child ready by telling them what is going to happen in a couple of days. Mention the change a couple of times each day until it’s time to sit on the potty.
Get them involved in the setup process. What activities will they choose for in the bathroom? What activities will they choose for near the bathroom? Even if they just nod along, ask them what they want to have in place. Keep them involved and in-the-know through this process and they will feel comforted and less hesitant.
Here we go! Have them choose the underwear for the day. Have extras ready in the bathroom for when accidents happen. Accidents will happen. They are developmentally appropriate and a part of this process.
Play near the potty all dayand take potty breaks together each hour. “Potty break! Let’s see if anything has to come out. Let’s go together!” Keep it light and fun for them with various games and activities. “Let’s go open the amazon box while we wait on the potty!”
All day – watch for potty cues, take note of fears, pay attention to frustrations. This way, you’ll know what they need help with and what to say to overcome challenges in the days ahead.

Here are some helpful go-to lines for you:

Fear – “I know this is all new and different honey. It’s ok to be scared. I’m right here with you. I got you. Let’s go together.”
Fear + crying – “Are you feeling scared? I know, it’s all new so it might feel scary. Ok, let’s go take a break with teddy and we’ll try again in a couple minutes. I got you.”
No, no, no! – “Come here honey, let’s take a deep breath. *hug* I know this is all new and change can be hard. Let’s take a couple more deep breaths and stretch our bodies. Let’s grab your favorite monster truck! And we’ll try again in 2 minutes ok? I got you, go get your monster jam!”

2. To manage stress and maintain balance, you will want to plan some self-care time

Potty-training can feel absolutely nutty! When you incorporate activities that allow you to decompress, you will be able to recharge, relax and bring your best self to the process.

Here are 4 simple ways you can refresh your mental space as needed throughout a stressful potty-training day, or at the end of the day after LO has gone to bed:

Look through some old photos that bring you joy.
Reminisce on a past achievement you are proud of, and dwell in those memories.
Text your friend or family group chat. Talk about memories or funny stories.
Cozy up and watch one of your favorite shows with your favorite beverage in-hand.
Write down how you’re feeling on paper.
Do something you love – cooking, painting, reading, yoga, running, etc.

Bottom line is, plan to take time for yourself to laugh, regroup, think about things besides potty-training, dwell in your self-worth outside of potty-training, and experience happiness outside of this process.

3. Withholding and constipation are common. And they can feel scary to address.

Withholding can happen. Your child may withhold for a number of reasons, some of which include:

Fear
Discomfort while sitting on the potty
Not wanting to leave the fun they’re having
Past experience of a painful poop

First, ensure that your potty is balanced and comfortable for them to sit on. Make sure their feet are supported and level. Once you know that the potty itself is comfortable, you can decide what else might be causing the withholding and decide what you’ll try to do to handle it. One of the most powerful things you can do to handle fear and past painful experiences is to: directly address, reassure and comfort. Then, guide back to the goal. For example, you can say:

(If it’s fear) “Are you afraid of the potty? It’s ok to be scared honey. Mommy is right here with you, ok? I’ll go with you until you don’t feel scared anymore. Let’s try it together. Hug me if you feel scared. You got this! You won’t always feel scared. We’ll try again next time.”
(If it’s pain) “Was it sore when the poop came out last time? I know honey, I’m so sorry! Sometimes when we don’t let the poop come out, it hurts when we go potty. I’m right here with you, ok? If you feel poop coming, let’s put it in the potty so it doesn’t hurt. It won’t hurt every time. I got you, you’re doing great babe!”

If withholding is happening because they are having a blast playing, and don’t want to leave the fun they’re having to go sit on the potty, here are some things you can try:

Let them bring whatever toy they are playing with when it is time for a potty break.
Keep interesting and engaging activities that excite them IN the bathroom, to keep them busy while they sit and wait for pee or poop.
Set a timer and make a race game out of it.

Constipation can be a product of withholding. And constipation can cause discomfort and pain. Always consult your pediatrician along the way if you are finding that your child is withholding and constipated. Here are a few things you can do if your child is constipated:

Offer more liquids than usual.
Add in more foods that aid in constipation relief, such as: peaches, pears, whole grain snacks and breads (instead of white flour snacks and breads), avocados, kiwi, prunes, broccoli, apple, chia mixed into oatmeal. And limit foods that constipate such as bananas, dairy, white pasta, potatoes, red meats.
Mix a tablespoon of olive oil into their next cup of milk. (I learned this from my last assistant who was from Algeria. She swore by olive oil for many things and it has done the trick every single time for constipated toddlers, even those who have needed regular enemas because of the severity of their constipation. None have seemed to notice the flavor difference.)

These are the details none of your friends dive into. Knowing these things, and how to handle them, will allow you to approach the potty-training process with insight into the specific realities that occur. You will be able to stress less, feel more calm during the tough situations, and know what you can try if something isn’t working.

If you want day-by-day support for your potty-training journey, get your FREE copy of The Peaceful Potty-Training How-To Guide Cheat Sheet here so you can be more informed and experience less stress during potty-training.