Top Tips For Travelling With Toddlers On Airplane You’ve Probably Never Heard

Toddler behavior tips for travel

7. accept that your toddler’s current behaviors are happening & start practicing consequences and boundaries before the trip, so you have a go-to flow (which means facing big feelings, regularly)

‘Mental packing’ for trips as I call it….

Are you mentally packed? If you have a flow of how you handle your toddler’s behaviors that you feel works to move through the moment and on to the next thing without feeling the day is ruined or resentment toward your child, then you are mentally packed!

If you feel like you can’t handle something and dread facing it on the trip – you are going to bring that energy toward situations and your child, and also experience more chaos than needed when behaviors arise. 

Here is what I recommend, that will help you have less stress and more joy on your family trips EVEN when you are dealing with difficult behaviors: 

1) Start practicing now. Say for instance you feel like your toddler ‘never listens to you’. Think about what you do now – you might say, ‘come to mom, come to mom, come to mommmmmm!!!!’ and they just don’t listen. Instead of repeating yourself, getting louder and louder and then complaining to them that they don’t listen and maybe threatening to not do ipad time if they can’t listen to you. Try something more clear and immediate like this: ‘come to mom and sit for a bit. Come to me or I will come and pick you up. Do you want me to come and carry you? Ok, then come to me.”

A lot of the times, toddlers want to have and keep control, so by you saying – you do it or I will do it – more often than not, they will do what you are asking because they don’t want to lose their control. Does that make sense?

Before your trip, start practicing these new ways of working with your child.

Get used to saying and following through. Get them used to discipline. You will get into a flow of exactly how to handle things instead of feeling like you don’t know what to do.

Remember, all parents deal with difficult behaviors. It’s not that there is a toddler out there that doesn’t have difficult behavior. We all get tired, frustrated and maxed out. But, what makes behaviors more manageable and vacations more enjoyable is: how the parent acts and reacts to their child and what they believe about their child’s behavior (this is normal for their temperament and brain development stage vs they are terrible and try to give me a hard time all the time).

Another example of disciplining would be using an ‘if, then’ statements: “walk close to mommy or I will have to put you in the stroller. ” Say they wander off and don’t listen to your instruction, you can get down to their eye level and say – “if you want to walk, then you need to stay close to mommy and stay safe, or I have to put you in the stroller. Do you want to walk or go in the stroller? Then, stay close to mommy.” If they don’t listen again. Put them in the stroller for a second! Follow through shows them you are serious and won’t just keep saying things and nothing happens. After you put them in the stroller for a second, you can remind them – “you have to stay close or you have to go in the stroller. Let’s try again, last try.” 

Usually after giving them a ‘real taste’ of the consequence, they will follow your instructions. No need for a long drawn out consequence that ruins the day. You can enforce the consequence for a minute then give them another chance. They are still learning consequences and how to listen to you more than themselves in some instances, but you are also here to keep them safe and create real boundaries that they follow (more often). This can really help make boundaries and consequences real and clear, quickly.

And finally, you can try counting with a clear end consequence. Instead of just counting 1, 2, 3 or threatening a timeout after counting, you can say – “come to mommy. It’s important you listen. 1, come to mommy, 2 come to mommy, if I say 3 then I am going to come and grab you, no walking on your own. 3.” Sometimes by 3 or when I stand up, they want to keep that control and quickly come to me. Very simple, clear and very effective.

Now, these examples are more serious moments, which we all have. I try to make it a point to be silly with them too (come to mommy, no? Ok, that’s it! tickle tiiiime! I can’t stop tickling! tickle tickle tickle, pick up) and patient as often as possible, meet them halfway, collaborate and not make every behavior a battle, but it is also important for them to know when I am serious and to follow my directions, so we can stay safe and organized and less chaotic when needed.

2) Block out any worry about what other people are going to see/say or comment about your child’s behavior or you (so what!) and focus on what your child is communicating, their needs, your needs, and your response to them. 

When you are responsive, rather than avoidant, you will move through difficult moments with much more ease and much faster, too.

For example, my spirited toddler (challenging temperament – more emotional, sensitive, intense, leader not a follower, struggles more with transitions…) wanted to hold a bag of snacks we just picked up from the duty-free airport shop. My husband quickly said – ‘you can have some when we get to the gate”. My toddler wanted to hold the bag, not have something from it. She said “I hold it”, and my husband ignored her. She shouted again, “I hold it!” and pulled daddy’s arm down as she crouched to the ground and stopped walking. He said, “stop it! we need to go to the gate, then we will get the snacks”. She did not stop. She threw her head back and whined and screamed no. 

So, for some toddlers – yes, what my husband did and said would work just fine. With our other daughter for example, who has a more easy-going temperament and is more of a follower – do it this way, play like this, let’s do this – she’s fine with all the guidance and suggestions. BUT, some toddlers aren’t. They will hear the 2 choices you give them and option a 3rd. You will tell them how to play with something and they will want to show you their cool other way of doing things. They are more independent, more capable and want to be more involved in things and make their own choices.

Ok, neither temperament is wrong or bad – one is easier to control yes – but both just are. (and parenting isn’t about controlling – it’s about understanding, learning, accepting, teaching and guiding) There is an easy temperament, a slow-to-warm temperament and a challenging temperament that most babies, toddlers, humans fall into….

Instead of ‘fighting’ against their natural temperament (how they innately respond to the world), if we recognize their nature and adapt our interactions, our communication and our discipline style to their nature – we will struggle far less and enjoy far more in the toddler years and beyond.

So back to the moment in the airport – my husband didn’t want to stop walking, he was just going to let her cry and pull her to the gate. I understand his initial response to her, probably focused on being embarrassed and frustrated, and his lack of experience with toddlers, and his concern for what others see and think – all of which are very normal and pretty natural for most of us.

In the moment, I saw a quicker, quieter, more responsive solution, because of all the years I have spent 1:1 with toddlers in a care setting and on outings. So, what I did was – I told him, “I’ll take her and the bag for a sec. We’ll meet you at the gate.” I took her hand and we stepped out of the walking crowd and moved over to a spot away from the bustle. She was still fussing. I told her “come with mom for a minute.” I sat on the ground (yep!) and put her on my lap. I focused on helping her calm down, because toddlers who are screaming and crying aren’t absorbing what you say to them and usually need help resetting. 

I said, “you wanted to hold the bag huh? Let’s take a couple big breaths and help your body feel better. One, big one! Two, big one! Good. Ok, you can hold the bag, but you cannot scream and cry at daddy for it. You can say – can I hold the bag please. So he knows what you are asking. He doesn’t know if you scream and cry. You can ask nicely, yes mom?” She gave me a big hug around the neck and said ‘yes mom’. I handed her the bag and we walked off quietly to the gate. All the fussing was done. I got to the root, disciplined the screaming and gave her guidance on what to do next time. Connection and communication was solid.

As we were sitting, when I was helping her calm down and reset, one family with teens looked at us for a minute. OH WELL! I know this is what works to help my tiny human with an irrational, under construction brain, calm down and reset and I am sure as heck going to prioritize her over strangers’ stares and opinions! What I do is fair, age-appropriate, helpful, stern, loving and WORKS!

So often, we as parents focus on what others are going to see or say and then we act toward our children in ways because of how we feel others are judging us. Fooey! DON’T! You will be able to be so much more in tune with your toddler and breeze through the chaos when you are completely disconnected from others’ opinions of you and your child, and instead connected to your child.

So in summation – we could have ignored what my toddler was saying and dragged her crying to the gate, spiraling and not knowing when she would stop. And, then not know how to handle it when it happens again and again and again…. OR, we could aim to be responsive to what she was saying, address her, remind her about what behaviors are acceptable, help her calm down and move on. The former could’ve lasted 10, 30, 45 minutes (plus no solution for future situations!). The latter, 3 minutes, no sweat, know what to do, done. YESSSSS PLEASE!

I know I have to do this ‘communicate, calm, discipline, move on’ routine with one of my toddlers, because I understand her temperament and don’t fault her for her natural ways. 

Our children are who they are, not who we want them to be. I parent my other child differently, because she has a different temperament. I don’t get caught up in wishing I didn’t have to deal with this or getting mad at my children – I just adapt to their needs, hold boundaries, discipline, love on them and move on to have an awesome time (until I have to help again and we go through the routine again – tiring yes, sometimes more than other times, but like clockwork too and it works very well. And soon they grow and have more impulse control and behave less explosively because their brain is more developed and I’ve instilled boundaries). Discipline, listening, communicating, helping – it’s all ongoing and if you have a flow that works, parenting is so much easier AND vacations are much more fun, even when there are challenges present.