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Everything you need to know to have an easier time potty training.
This article is all about...
What Potty Training 20+ Toddlers (Including My Own Twins) Has Taught Me
Potty Training As A Profession
Every year for the past almost-decade, I have been potty training a new child. Often times, more than one each year. Some back to back, some simultaneously. I own a Montessori-inspired daycare & preschool.
Last month, I wrapped up potty training my own twin toddlers who just turned two. One took a week to be fully day potty trained and the other took a month.
How I see it with my girls is, one was ready and one was not quite ready, when we started. I would’ve happily waited until 2.5 years old to start potty training them, as I have experienced this as being an *optimal* age for most toddlers to have the shortest and smoothest potty training journey.
But, my spirited twin (as parent educators like Dr. Mary Sheedy Kurcinka would refer to her) had a very clear understanding of what she needed and wanted when it came to having a wet diaper. Just before her second birthday, she was over it – extremely uncomfortable with wetness on her bottom. And, in true ‘spirited child’ nature, she was ultra-determined to not wear a diaper and fiercely persistent to do what was needed to avoid them altogether.
Read this next:
When To Start Potty Training Your Toddler (so it’s easier for all!)
How To Potty Train Like A Pro – The Peaceful Potty Training Method
Dr. Mary’s book, by the way, is a very helpful read if you have a spirited child – Raising Your Spirited Child. Spirited toddlers are even more intense, persistent, sensitive and perceptive than the average toddler. Parents are often wondering – what the heck is going on?! Why are they acting this way?! Their siblings weren’t this ‘difficult’…. If you’ve ever thought these things about your toddler, they may in fact be spirited. And there are excellent insights and strategies that help parent them more effectively.
Potty training spirited toddlers can be quick and easy, because they have their minds set on their goal OR it can be even harder because they have their minds set on a different goal than you’d like (staying in their diapers).
The truth is, potty training ANY TODDLER is consuming. It is exhausting. And it can be SO MUCH HARDER if we do not tune into our toddler’s personality and abilities, before deciding when to start.
the best time to start potty training always varies and is very important
Over the years, and dozens of toddlers later, I have learned that there are 3 main signs of readiness. Yes, there are articles out there that list all the readiness signs under the sun BUT the thing with those lists are: only one or two may apply to YOUR toddler. The rest apply to other toddlers. So, which signs do you need to look for? Which are MOST important?
Across the board, for every single toddler I have potty trained, these are the 3 key readiness signs that will tell you if you are ready to start potty training AND if you will have a low-stress, easier experience.
There are many ways of going about potty training, and I am all about taking the low-stress, life-is-already-hard-so-lets-keep-things-we-can-control-as-easy-as-possible route when it comes to potty training.
These are the top 3 readiness signs that have mattered with EACH toddler I’ve potty trained:
#1 They can follow your directions correctly through an activity.
#2 You can fully dedicate 3 days to do nothing but training all day where you will learn their cues, habits and fears/pushbacks (and once you learn what these are, you can figure out ways to help them to the goal.)
#3 You have a basic plan in place, and feel equipped and confident to start.
Without these 3 things, you can experience pure chaos (on top of any chaos you may already be experiencing) and who the heck wants that if they can help it, right?! Not me. And my guess is, not you.
You can watch my FREE Potty Masterclass to learn about the optimal time to start, how to prepare your toddler, yourself and your space, and how to potty train easier (even if you have an uninterested, scared or ‘strong-willed toddler!) with my Peaceful Potty Method.
You are not defined by when your toddler potty trains
We feel the constant pressure from expectations of motherhood. Our own expectations of ourselves and how things should go, and others’ expectations.
We wonder if we are doing it ‘right’, good enough, the best. We define ourselves by milestones achieved early and our toddler’s perfect behavior, and our friend’s opinion of our ‘picture perfect’ family life shared to social media.
Oh the pressures we put on ourselves.
Oh the way we allow other’s opinions to determine our feelings and actions.
We hear – “Wow! Good job mom, potty training him so young!” and we feel superior or inferior. Bleh. Who knows what happened behind the scenes and how their toddler is different from yours.
Don’t put a focus on potty training as something that matters so much to you. Don’t put others who potty train early, up on a pedestal. Don’t let other people’s judgments seep in and make you feel any certain way about potty training. This applies pressure, which adds stress. And with added stress, we behave in ways we wouldn’t normally, and toddlers do the same.
Calmer, more flowing, more natural – this is the vibe we want. Potty training is simply a milestone that you will help your awesome little human through and then, move on.
They are not defined by how early and quickly they potty train and you are not defined by it, either. They are a great child and you are a great mom, no matter the age they potty train and no matter how long it takes them.
Potty training is frustrating (for everyone)
Even if you are the most zen of them all, odds are, potty training will frustrate you. Your toddler may behave in ways you didn’t expect. You will be cleaning up accidents that bam! come out of nowhere after you just sat your toddler down for 20 minutes without a drop. Your spouse may not be available to help as often as you’d like. You may also have a newborn to tend to. You may have a demanding job that is also overwhelming you….
There are so many variables in our lives that can cause us to feel frustrated at any given moment and potty training is an intense, consuming task that can push us even further into a frustrated and overwhelmed state.
This is why, I say that having a basic plan in place is *crucial* before starting.
I wrote an article on the plan I follow, my Peaceful Potty Training Method, that walk you through a starting plan, you can check it out here: How To Get Your Toddler To Pee & Poop In The Potty
And if you are wondering what to prepare before beginning, I wrote an article that will walk you through how to prep your child, your mindset and the supplies that will keep things as low-stress as possible (like a safe step-stool with grip on top for when they are learning to hand wash and splash water all over the stool, and gloves for handling poop accidents easier).
You can read that here: EVERYTHING You Will Need In Place Before You Start Potty Training
You can also get some free training from my FREE Potty Masterclass – learn about the *optimal time* to start, how to prepare your toddler, yourself and your space so you keep more of your sanity and your toddler smiling and pushing back less (even if you have an uninterested, scared or ‘strong-willed toddler!), learn what to expect, how to start off strong and more!
My Peaceful Potty Method is connection-focused and activity-based, which means you will be able to weather the storms of potty training with more calm and control than you ever imagined!
planned and simple *daily* self care is crucial for a better experience
Some toddlers were a breeze to potty train at 3 years old with some firm expectations, engaging activities and some regular comforting. Others were a crazy challenge at 20 months, with lack of body function awareness and zero bladder control. Because I was 100% ‘on’, all day, with my regular tasks AND now this unpredictable new task, I was spenttttt, each day.
Throughout the day I needed to calm and reset, laugh and breathe. After a long day of hyper-attention and constant action and repeating the same words and actions over and over moreso than ever, I needed to unplug my mind, decompress, tune into my (adult) self and what makes me me, happy and joyful, outside of my job.
These are some simple and attainable self care practices that can keep you more peaceful and calm when potty training. I did one or a few of these each day to decompress, when potty training:
- Look through some old photos you love that make you smile.
- Reminisce a personal achievement you are proud of in a quiet spot for a few minutes.
- Spend some alone time doing something you enjoy that fulfills you.
- Watch your favorite show or movie while you cook or cleanup at the end of the day OR after the day is done.
- Send a text to your friend or family group chat about old memories or a funny story or joke.
- Write down how you’re feeling on paper to release it.
- Laugh about the madness of potty-training with your partner or friends when you can.
- Take a walk, a run, a bath.
- Stock up on your beverage of choice and have an after hours drink while relaxing.
to learn more! (We focus on taking care of momma too! SOOO important!)
taking potty breaks based off of their cues is essential for early success
The truth is, some toddlers do this right away, if they have a clear understanding of their body’s urges, while many do not do this until 5 days, 7 days or a month later. And, it’s not so much about their age. However, I have found that 2.5 years old is typically the age where most toddlers are aware of what it feels like to have to go pee or poop. Still, they may not tell you they have to go.
Once toddlers are aware of the feeling, they can better time their actions of running to the potty, in time. And asking them to tell you when they have to go can help too.
When just beginning with potty training, don’t ask – do you have to go? Most likely your toddler does not know yet. They’ll learn that during potty training. Instead, take some notes about when they pee or poop. If there is a pattern, great! Time when you tell them to sit around those times.
If not, announce ‘potty break!’ every 20 minutes and go together. Do this until your toddler becomes more aware of how it feels to have to go and is more comfortable and calm, sitting.
This can be a slow road, and that is normal and ok. There is so much newness for them to learn and so much more action they have to take to make this all work, so don’t feel discouraged if they don’t get it all right away. It’s ok! And it will come, if you follow a solid plan.
These two articles can help you with a plan:
prepping your space properly makes potty training far more manageable
You’re potentially going to be dealing with many new things when you’re potty training:
- helping your child pull underwear down and up until they’ve practiced enough on their own to do it right without frustration and bunching.
- helping them wash their hands in the sink with soap after touching the potty.
- cleaning up pee and poop from the floor. (tip: keep them off the rugs and couches until they are potty trained. Rearrange their play area if needed and/or use doggie pee pads as needed.)
- offering interesting toys and activities to get your toddler to sit and stay seated while they wait for pee and poop to come out.
- dumping pee and poop out of their potty and sanitizing the area as needed.
This is a lot of mess and motion to be managing in addition to everything else you are doing at home with your child(ren), so having your space set up with all you need, each day, will keep things going smoothly and you feeling like you have a manageable routine.
This article can help you decide on supplies you might want, that other moms swear by: Helpful Potty Training Supplies Other Moms Swear By
And this article will help you prepare everything you’ll need for the journey including – supplies, self care, toddler prep talks and more: EVERYTHING You Need In Place Before You Start Potty Training
And this article shows you my exact method for potty training, what I call The Peaceful Potty Training Method: How To Potty Train Like A Pro
Learn more about the best setup in my FREE Potty Masterclass – learn about the *optimal time* to start, how to prepare your toddler, yourself and your space so you keep more of your sanity and your toddler smiling and pushing back less (even if you have an uninterested, scared or ‘strong-willed toddler!), learn what to expect, how to start off strong and more!
Extra patience is *required* for a peaceful potty training experience
Our little loves are irrational humans with a developing brain – they do not think or operate like we adults do, yet.
And in situations like potty training, that can be so frustrating. It can be SO hard to exercise even more patience, sometimes we swear we don’t have, while they learn this brand new habit, the process, and the bodily awareness that comes with it. It’s a lot.
Yes it’s a mindless task for us now, but at some point it was a huge life shift that we too, had to adjust to. And while we were adjusting, wouldn’t you hope that we were given grace and love? Of course!
Some things you may be dealing with during potty training:
- Them saying ‘No!’ / not wanting to sit
Take lots of deep breaths, continue to repeat what to do, praise their achievements and efforts (even if they only sit!) and continue to take ‘potty breaks’ together.
Tip: Unless your toddler has a clear understanding of when they have to pee or poop, start out taking timed potty breaks. You decide when – base the potty breaks off of times you notice they usually pee or poop, after snacks and meals, before and after naps etc.
Read this article for how to arrange potty breaks and start your potty training journey so it’s easier: How To Get Your Toddler To Pee & Poop In The Potty
share exactly what is working, with your partner and/or care team, so they know what to do too
If you’ve found wording that works, activities that help your toddler sit, best ways to comfort them and can recognize their potty cues – jot those down and share them with your partner and/or care team! Not only will this give them some notes to refer to, it will give them an idea of what to expect which will keep them from getting easily frustrated or feeling defeated.
Having added support from your partner and care team is so helpful. You can feel confident they are doing things that work and they will feel equipped to help, rather than overwhelmed. That’s not to say they will not find their own ways of doing things that also work, which is stellar as well. But, it will get them started strong.
I think it’s worth noting that being proactive with this is important – what I call ‘calling in rather than calling out’.
Choosing a calm moment to share your tips with your husband, rather than when he is actively trying to help your child, will be better received.
‘Calling in’ would be saying, “hey babe, I’ve found a few things that have been working really well with Lennon’s potty training, can you help me with these when you’re home on the weekends?” Most likely he’d respond with somehting like, “sure babe, what is it?” Now you have the opportunity to talk more about it and share your notes.
‘Calling out’ would be saying, “she’s just going to say no when you ask her to sit. You should never ask her, tell her”, while he’s in the middle of struggling to get her to sit on the potty. In this situation, he’s most likely going to feel frustrated or even annoyed by you, and be less open to hearing your tips.
With your care team, you can simply say, “hey, there are a few things that have been working great at home for us. Can I email or text you some notes?”
Many childcare professionals are experienced with potty training and do well with the process. But, some are less comfortable or don’t know what to do or how to adapt to different toddlers. In this case, your tips will guide them and help them support you and your child toward success more seamlessly!
Night time potty training can come later
What’s the saying? Don’t try to eat the whole elephant? Or is it, “there is only one way to eat an elephant: one bite at a time”, aha there we go!
As I mentioned, I am all about making things simpler for myself. And I have learned that the smoothest way to transition to underwear at night is by waiting until your toddler is fully day potty trained.
Once they are, night time potty training feels as though it magically ‘just happens’. Your toddler has body urge awareness, they have bladder control, they understand their timing from all areas of the house, they know exactly how to help themselves get to the potty, pull pants down, release, wash hands – all of it!
I do not recommend waking, forcing, trying and trying, at night when you need to be getting the sleep that allows you to sustain in your busy life more contently. It’s simply not necessary (unless you have a deadline you have to meet that is out of your control, ie: school starting soon and they require your toddler to be potty trained.)
Truth is, toddlers don’t do well when they are forced to do things. By allowing them to be fully day potty trained before weaning diapers at night, you are following their lead, according to their abilities. You release yourself from undue stress and make your way to the goal with less work.
In my Peaceful Potty Training Method Course I show you how to potty train day AND night, prep for outing and potty train when your child is in daycare! Check out my FREE Potty Masterclass to learn more and to hear about a special bundle I don’t offer anywhere else!
Final Thoughts On Potty Training
These have been some major lessons I’ve learned over the years with the dozens of toddlers here at my daycare and preschool, and with my own twin toddlers.
I hope these insights help you as you plan for your potty training journey!
If you are just starting to research potty training and are wondering when would be the best time for you to start with your toddler, this article will help you decide if it’s the *optimal time* to start: When To Start Potty Training Your Toddler (so it’s easier for all!)
I created a FREE downloadable how to guide cheat sheet for you as well, that will help you potty train with more ease (this has helped hundreds of other moms so far!) You can enter your email to download that here.
Also, you can download a FREE Potty Certificate + 4 Potty Chart Printables – a cat, a dinosaur, a butterfly and a truck, here, to support and celebrate the process with your little one. (Sneak peek below)
And if you want step-by-step help, I have a Potty Training Starter Kit you can check out that moms rate at 5 stars and includes a supply checklist, starter guide, eBook for you and a toddler eBook to help prep the for potty training. You can see that here.
Sending good vibes your way for your potty training journey!
