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3 Reasons Why Your Toddler Won't Poop In The Potty & What You Can Do About It
why your toddler won’t poop in the potty
There are 3 top reasons most toddlers won’t poop in the potty. And the good news is, that with some simple tweaks, you can help your toddler change their behaviors and get to pooping on the potty, no matter which one it is.
Patience, persistence and positivity (more often than not) are key ingredients to making any of the tweaks I share, work.
I know that it can be hard to tap into those things when you are tired, confused, frustrated or disappointed.
So, if you are feeling any of those things, I want you to first say to yourself out loud – “It is normal and ok that my child is not pooping in the potty regularly.” (because truth is, it is! I’ve potty trained more than 20 toddlers are many struggled with comfortably pooping on the potty until after they were peeing regularly on the potty.) Then, I want you to say, “I can help my child poop in the potty.” (because, truth is, you can! And I am going to share some things you can try out to make that happen!)
Ok, now that you’ve done that, let’s dive into why your toddler won’t poop in the potty and the tweaks we can try out, to get your toddler pooping on the potty…
Read this next:
When To Start Potty Training Your Toddler (so it’s MUCH easier for all!)
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How To Potty Train Like A Pro – Tips Every First Timer Needs To Know
why your toddler won’t poop in the potty
1. Fear/constipation
Many toddlers are freaked out by how it feels to have poop free fall from them in to a potty – quite different than the snug, secure feeling of a pull up! Others don’t understand yet what poop is, since they have never really seen and examined their own and are again, freaked out by it and to flush it.
In an effort to avoid feelings of discomfort or fear, they may withhold pooping, either requesting a diaper or withholding completely, which can cause constipation. And once a toddler is constipated, it can be very painful to poop.
Likewise, once they experience a painful poop, they try to avoid pooping completely, which creates this constant cycle of withholding and being constipated. A lose lose type of situation.
Not sure if your toddler is constipated? Here are some tell-tale signs:
- Less than three bowel movements a week
- Bowel movements that are hard, dry and difficult to pass
- Pain while having a bowel movement
- Stomach pain
- Traces of liquid or pasty stool in your child’s underwear — a sign that stool is backed up in the rectum
- Blood on the surface of hard stool
If you believe your toddler is constipated, this article will walk you through what you can do: What To Do If Your Toddler Gets Constipated During Potty Training?
If your toddler seems to be afraid of pooping or the potty, the best way to handle it will be to face the fear head on and help them past it. This article will walk you through how to do it: How To Handle Fear When Potty Training
Sometimes diet can cause a toddler to have hard to pass poops. Making sure your toddler has access to lots of water and liquids throughout the day will help, and see this article for food switches you can make and meal ideas that will relieve constipation: Food Switches & Meal Ideas To Help Your Constipated Toddler
Top-rated books about refusing to poop in the potty:
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2. control/autonomy
Our toddlers are our responsibility, yes and they still depend on us for mostly everything, yes. BUTTTTT they are not robots in need of or intended for our full control. They are the model 1 of 10 of an adult, if you will. Meaning, they are capable, but not fully capable, yet. They have their own brain with their own wants, desires, fears, interests – it’s just not a fully developed brain, yet. But it is fully functioning in it’s own right. They are their own little person in need of our listening ear, support and collaboration for shared control of their life.
So how can we, with our actions toward our toddler, while still leading the way for them, share control?
We can give them fair, age-appropriate choices and redirection options that shape behaviors after they express their feelings.
Doing this will honor that they’re their own person, give them a sense of control and autonomy, which will make for less chaos and power struggles, without giving up on potty training altogether.
So long as you feel confident that they are ready, refusal is truly more a behavioral side effect than a roadblock. You can adjust your actions to change their reactions, and thus, have a smoother, teamwork-type vibe between yourself and your toddler during the potty training process.
what changing your actions and giving your toddler control during potty training looks like:
- Letting them help set up the bathroom with all the necessary things including cleaning supplies & activities to keep busy while they sit (invites them to be an active part of potty training, rather than it be something happening to them all of a sudden)
- Telling them “We’re headed to the potty in 2 minutes, you can come back to your blocks right after. Want to bring some blocks with you when we go sit? We can keep building there!” (let’s them process and make a choice about what they’d prefer)
- Giving them a minute (then a hug) if they get upset about sitting on the potty, allowing them to process and release feelings before trying again. (allows them to be human, feel and work through their feelings in acceptable ways)
- Saying “potty break! Want to bring your toy with you or go blow up some balloons together!?” (gives them a choice of equally cool things. Toddlers like to do things they think are cool, no question, easy peasy. (If you tailor potty training with activities of your toddler’s liking, it will BE MUCH easier)
Sharing control in these ways will keep your toddler feeling happier and calmer, more often, and will have you feeling more in control without all the fuss and power struggles in between.
Helpful potty training activities to try in the bathroom:
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3. habit & timing
Do they still wear a diaper or pull up and request to have one to poop in? Or do they sit for what feels like forever, then hop off, put on their pull up and poop in it about 2 minutes after they get off the potty?
Yeah, toss the pull up. Use underwear instead. The way it feels to poop in a snug fit pull up is very different than the unloading free fall that happens in the potty. The feeling in underwear will be similar and so they will be experiencing a similar thing whether they have an accident or not. This can help them adjust to the feeling and even be a helpful motivator to put it in the potty.
Saying goodbye (or ‘no’ when they ask for one) to the pull up is something that your toddler might be sensitive to and need help, exposure, time and extra comforting, to get used to not having. Totally normal. You can be strong and loving during this transitional time for them.
how to hold how to talk about saying goodbye to the pull up:
- “Ok love, sometimes it’s hard for us to poop in the potty with a pull up, so we are going to say bye bye to pull ups in a couple days.” (I find a couple days is less jarring for toddlers than hearing ‘tomorrow’, which can feel too soon and cause anxiety)
- “You can help mommy put them all in a big box and say goodbye, ok?” (invite them into the process to allow them time to adjust and cope)
- “And then! We will choose some underwear to use instead. You can choose dinosaur ones or unicorn ones or mickey mouse ones!! Up to you! It’ll feel different and they will have a cool design on them!” (get them hyped for the positives that come with the transition)
How to hold the boundary of saying ‘no’, when they ask for a pull up:
- “I hear you honey, you want a pull up. We said goodbye to them. They are all gone now. Want to go choose a different underwear and get your lovey to hold? Your lovey and I can go with you to the potty until you feel comfortable to go by yourself, ok? I got you bub!”
Toss the pull up to push them out of their comfort zone toward the potty. You can be their comfort until they feel calmer pooping on the potty. Utilizing a peace corner can be a great help with fears and upset. Remember, your toddler WILL have feelings about using the potty. This is not an indicator they are not ready. It IS a normal part of potty training (nay, toddlerhood) and an indicator that they need a little more support to feel better about the potty.
Next, timing. Many toddlers aren’t fully in tune with their body’s urges just yet. Plus, they might be in the habit of pooping in their pull up as we discussed above. Either way, if you notice a pattern to your child pooping, work with that! Say they pooped 2 minutes after you help them off the potty the last 3 times they pooped – work WITH that knowledge and take them back to the potty 2 minutes after they hop off.
Doing this may feel like a step backward, especially if your toddler pees fine in the potty, but it really isn’t. I like to think more of potty training as a dance, anyway. This is a step some (many) parents have to take in the dance of potty training. Think of peeing and pooping as two completely different things you have to help your toddler feel comfortable doing in the potty during potty training. This is usually the case.
And remember! Some toddlers get a hang of things in a week while others take a month or more to be fully day potty trained. With regular practice and a supportive setting, your child will become a potty pro and soon it will all be in the rearview mirror! Stay positive, don’t be disappointed with how long their learning takes (you are not defined by how quickly they potty train, nor are they!) and keep asking for support from those you need it from and you will be able to tackle important milestones and challenges with your child!
There you have it! Not already doing the above things and toddler won’t poop in the potty? Make the tweaks and see how your toddler’s behavior changes during potty training.
Read this next:
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