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4 Expert Tips For Potty Training A Resistant Child
potty training a resistant child
Is your toddler not interested in potty training? Do they cry or scream at even the mention of the potty? If this is your situation, you may be wondering – what do you do when your child refuses to potty train?
You are not alone in this situation or with that question. In fact, more than half of the toddlers I have worked with here at my Montessori-inspired daycare and preschool (including one of my own twin daughters), were not excited and eager to potty train at first mention of it.
Some seemed scared. Some said or shouted, “no!” And hearing this definitely throws us for a loop. Now what? We think. Hm. They’re not ready. I don’t want to force them.
But here’s the thing – potty training readiness is not determined by their excitement toward it. This is a big responsibility, one that completely changes their life and routine as they know it. This isn’t something that your toddler will find entirely fun (but we can make it more appealing and easy, for sure!)
And you know what? It makes sense that toddlers respond in this way. Using the potty is something new and doesn’t sounds fun like if you were to say “hey, we’re going to the park! You excited?!” It’s actually more like, “Hey! guess what, it’s time to leave the park.” And how does your toddler respond to leaving the park?
Toddlers are programmed to do things that make them happy, keep them interested, to follow the few lifestyle routines they have learned in their short lives. Plus, they love to say no. Right?!
Learning to use the potty is new, and new can be scary.
A switch in their routine can be very hard to adjust to.
Think of potty training your toddler as one big transition. How do they handle transitions currently? It can be rough, right?
What gets you through transitions more easily with your toddler? I’ve found that giving them something to look forward to next, helps BIG TIME with transitioning more easily from task to task, especially things they don’t want to do.
For example, when we are leaving the park – instead of, “It’s time to go, we have to head home now. We’ve had lots of fun, don’t be upset. Let’s set the timer and go.” I say something more like, “Alright, 5 more minutes girlies! Choose what you want to do for 5 more minutes and then we head home for our yogurt pops! I’ll let you know when it’s time. Go choose what you’re going to do for 5 more minutes. Swing, slide, run!”
99% of the time the transition is so darn smooth. Sometimes, hey, they aren’t excited about the yogurt pop and they say ‘no!”, so I get down to their eye-level and ask – “Ok, what do you want to do after we head out? Bubbles!? Pizza?! Ice pop?!” Give them some interesting options of what you have at home that you can do/snack on for a few minutes before moving on to nap etc…
I focus on making this big life transition much easier for toddlers, and that’s what makes potty training even a resistant child, so much easier.
Read this next:
When To Start Potty Training Your Toddler (so it’s MUCH easier for all!)
20 Biggest Potty Training Mistakes To Avoid
How To Potty Train Like A Pro – Tips Every First Timer Needs To Know
Ok, let’s get into the tips for potty training a toddler who refuses or isn’t interested. These will be useful if you’re potty training a stubborn boy or girl, an uninterested 2 year old or a 3 year old who refuses. No matter where you are in your potty training journey, if you are struggling with a child who refuses, you can stop, reset and try these tips.
4 expert tips for potty training a resistant child
1. give them a heads up, not an option
Once you’ve determined readiness, it’s time to make a plan of action and then tell your toddler about what to expect. Kind of like you would if they were going to the doctor or dentist or on a vacation.
Doing what needs to be done is not a choice BUT we can help ease their mind and worries by letting them know about how everything will go, steps they need to take, how they might feel AND giving them choices about the details along the way, like set up and incentives (more on how I do that later).
With the mention of any change like this, your toddler might get upset. This is fair and normal, and we can comfort, validate and reassure them that we are right there with them to help them learn, over time. “Practice makes progress babe, let’s do this together! Let’s just try.” This is the vibe.
Give them a heads up at least 2-3 days before beginning and remind them about the upcoming change 5-6x per day. Basically, talk about it A LOT, to get it in the front of their mind and in the know.
For complete potty training preparations, for your toddler and you (mom’s mental health is very important and a focus on my Peaceful Potty Training Method), go to this article: Everything You Need To Prepare Before Potty Training That Will Make It SO MUCH EASIER
want to potty train easier?
my Peaceful Potty Training course teaches you my simplified method built for ‘strong-willed’, uninterested and scared toddlers. ALL the information you need in ONE place, covering all the scenarios like refusing to sit, withholding poop, pushback, constipation, frequent accidents and more:
2. break down how it all will go
Especially for the refusing and uninterested toddlers, it can be so helpful to break down exactly how a day of using the potty will go. More than just telling them, “Hey! We’re going to say bye to diaper and hello to cool undies”, you want to dive deeper into the steps they will be taking (sitting on the potty, running from their toys when they feel or see pee coming, washing their hands with bubbly soap) to really paint a picture in their minds.
Naming feelings they might have can help you face those and talk about them beforehand, and what they can do when they have big feelings.
All the toddlers I have worked with have had feelings about potty training, including my twins. This is a lot of conscious effort, work and habit building for them, so it can be frustrating, exhausting and not fun at times. Feelings are inevitable. And we can help them through those natural feelings (more on that later).
Incorporating books about pottying into your story time routine is a great way to plant the seed and normalize using the potty.
I provide a Toddler Potty eBook in my Peaceful Potty Training Course called, “Jackson Wonders What The Potty Is, How & Why We Use It”. It is my favorite story (obviously I am biased since I wrote it lol!) to read to toddlers to prepared them for potty training.
If your toddler isn’t going to start potty training for a few weeks or months, you can start using these tips to normalize the idea of using the potty and adding it into their routine. More exposure will only help!
Helpful potty training toddler books:
Want a FREE instant download of The Peaceful Potty Training Starter Guide? Drop your name & email below! We never spam.
Everything you need to know to start potty training with more ease, confidence and calm.
3. get them interested, hyped & involved in set up
You’re going to need to get undies and set up the bathroom and play space to prepare for this messy milestone. Let them be an active participant in the process! This will allow them more potty training-related exposure to familiarize, you two will also bond and they will feel proud and more interested in the process when they are involved in it. Win win win.
I recommend setting up the bathroom you will be using as if it were an extension of your playroom, for the first few days of potty tarining, especially with a resistant child. You can read more about how to do that here: How To Get Your Toddler To Sit & Stay Longer On The Potty
My method is all about meeting toddlers where they are, no matter the behaviors, and giving them something to say yes to so that we can slowly work toward the goal as a team. We bypass power struggles, minimize explosive behaviors and keep more calm for mom and tot. Hence the name ‘peaceful’ potty training 😉 haha!
Some interesting activity ideas for the bathroom:
4. use a peace corner to handle inevitable big feelings
What if I told you that one of the biggest challenges parents tell me they face during potty training is handling their toddler’s big feelings. It’s true.
Toddlerhood is already so rough on parents. Toddlers have irrational little developing brains, so all of the communication tools we have and use for work and in our everyday adult lives doesn’t really help us when it comes to our toddlers. They can make us feel so out of control, confused, frustrated, overwhelmed, so doing something intense and focused with them, like potty training and feel impossible.
For this very reason, I always encourage parents of toddlers to add a Peace Corner to their home.
A Peace Corner is so powerful because it is a tool that you can use so many times throughout every day that helps to calm, reset AND teach self-soothing/self-regulating skills. Typically, within 3-4 weeks of using a peace corner together, the toddlers I work with will run off and use it themselves when they are upset or need a break. Magic. They also help each other use it when another toddler is upset. These are 2-3 year olds guys, this is powerful stuff.
Again, with potty training, each toddler is different. You may have to embrace lots of big feelings during potty training and a peace corner will absolutely help you ride the emotional waves with more calm and control. Be sure to read how to use it correctly, so it has optimal effect.
Read this next:
And there you have it! Expert tips for potty training a resistant child. How to potty train a stubborn child is really about taking the behaviors they are showing you, and using those as a key part of your plan on how you will set things up and handling things along the way.
For more potty training support, you can read all my potty training blog posts, here.
And consider signing up for my free Peaceful Potty Training Cheat Sheet, complete with supply list, what to expect and how to prepare in the boxes above.
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DOn’t forget to check out my Peaceful Potty Training course: expert advice in a simplified method built for ‘strong-willed’, uninterested and scared toddlers. ALL the information you need in ONE place, covering all the scenarios like refusing to sit, withholding poop, pushback, constipation, frequent accidents and more:
