2 New Rules I Implemented That Made Cleanup With Toddlers SO MUCH EASIER

It’s no secret that toddlers have a hard time transitioning from one thing to another. They’re happily busy doing something one minute, and then someone decides that it’s time to go, all of sudden. Of course they are going to be bummed to have to stop doing the fun thing they chose, to go do something less fun someone else is telling them to do. 

‘Good listening’ is a tricky one because, do we really mean ‘compliant to our every request, right when we ask/say it’? In that case, it would be completely expected that toddlers, heck just people in general, aren’t ‘good listeners’.

Think of when you ask your husband to take the trash out. I know I mean now, when I ask it. But, most likely he is busy – maybe scrolling his phone, reading or playing with the kids – but nonetheless, busy doing his own thing. Is he not a ‘good listener’ if he doesn’t do it right then? Or is he a fine listener who makes me wait (annoyed usually lol) for a couple of minutes while he finishes up with something then takes the trash out. He honored my request, but in his time. Ok, so I had to wait a little bit more, exercise more patience, but it got done. My request was heard and completed. 

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Getting toddlers to listen is much the same as getting our husbands to listen – they do, eventually…

Toddlers live within our rules all day, everyday. We make the executive decisions and our feelings about how they respond to our requests, really determines how we feel about their listening.

It’s important to take that into consideration as we try and get our toddlers to transition from one thing to another, throughout the day. 

What helps me give them some grace, keep my patience and have a less stressed, more flowing day is this approach:

• Heads up: “We’re going to clean up in 2 minutes. I’ll let you know when. Choose what you want to do for 2 more minutes, go go!”

• Collab cleanup time: “Ok it’s been two minutes, time to clean up. I’m going to grab all the blocks. Jackson, what are you grabbing? The cars, the trains, the books…?”

• Reinforcement (recognizes and promotes future helping): Good! Look at all of us working together so fast! We’re the best team!

• Not helping?: “I don’t see you grabbing anything. I’m going to take (whatever’s distracting them) until we all are done helping. Help and then play again. You can grab the trains, books, cars. Let’s go quick! Then back to play!”

From that last bullet point above, is one of the 2 new things I’ve implemented for getting toddlers to listen better – removing whatever is distracting them from helping AFTER I verbally warn them that I will be taking it. 

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This gives them that grace I was talking about, because I know that 1) transitions are hard for toddlers 2) they were completely engrossed in something fun that they probably didn’t want to stop because someone else said so (to do something less fun nonetheless.)

And what about when they have a tantrum that you take the toy that is distracting them? I remember one of my daycare moms asking me this. She was having an especially hard time figuring out ways to get her toddler to listen better during cleanup, like many of us moms do. 

In that case, I told her – I get down where they can see me and I say: “I don’t have to take it away if you help. Let’s try again.” I leave the item with them and let them try again. 

Usually they go right to helping and I reinforce – “good! Now you keep the cars and we’re almost done! Thanks for helping.” If they still don’t listen, I take the item and let the reaction be what it will be, and remind them that I don’t have to take it if they help. Most times, I tell them let’s try again and next time we listen the first time so I don’t have to take it.

A few things happen with this approach: 

1) They know I’m serious about taking it which means they take what I say seriously and are more compelled to listen, sooner rather than later.

2) I was fair by giving them a chance to try again before actually taking it, which means I don’t have mom guilt about the situation later.

3) I minimize tantrums that can turn into meltdowns, which are often unnecessary and more taxing to manage, especially on a daily basis. 

Sometimes however, meltdowns are unavoidable, and a peace corner is helpful for self-soothing and resetting.

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Oh, and if you are reading this because your husband has very limited patience with your toddler and you really want to find some things you can share with him about getting toddlers to listen but he isn’t too open for suggestions on how to handle things, I’ve found that “calling in rather than calling out” is super helpful. (I explain below)

For example, when things are calm/not in a moment of frustration – “hey babe I want to help xyz listen better, I’ve tried a few things that seem to be working well, can you help me with them too?”

Another approach I use often when getting toddlers to listen better, that works really well (not one of the two new ones I’ve implemented but a great one, too!) is:

• “If you want to _____, then…” “If you want to go outside, then we need to put all the trains back.” “If you want lunch, then we hang our coat up and put our shoes by the door.” “If you want to do bubbles, then we take our plate and fork to the sink.” Let’s do it!

Sometimes they don’t want to do the thing I mentioned so, I try to make sure it’s something they want first or I don’t use it. Otherwise, this one doesn’t work to motivate. 

We want to get them to tune into that intrinsic motivation. “I’m hungry, I want lunch so I’m going to do xyz” (per mom’s request/guidance).

Soon, all of this behavior becomes habitual. They understand what it means to be a helpful, functioning part of the home and family. They understand what is expected of them, what the boundaries are, and feel the rules that are in place are fair and enforced fairly.

A happy, peaceful home for all as they grow – most of the time 😉 That is, until we soon have to start talking things through with them, considering their thoughts and coming up with a handful of possible solutions together for problems so that we can agree to one that feels fair to all… (Anyone else nervous about and reading up on the pre-teen to teen years?! *raises hand*)

The final tip I have for you is one of the two new rules I implemented that is so simple but has been hugely effective with getting toddlers to listen better, including my twins and all the daycare toddlers:

• “Choose ONE toy after cleanup, while we wait.” I use this specifically before a non-play time event like dinner, nap time, pickup, leaving the house.  – “Ok guys, all done for now. We can choose one toy to play with while we wait for dinner. Go choose your favorite toy! 5 more minutes until dinner!

After all of our hard work putting all those tiny little toys away, the last thing that I want to hear is the bin of blocks being spilled and kicked around – ah!