How To Get Your Toddler To Listen
Is your toddler not listening?
If you’re a mom who would describe your toddler as one who ‘never listens to you’ then this post is for you.
How tiring and frustrating it can feel to have a toddler who never listens. Baaaaah!
And it certainly will make things like potty training more difficult to manage.
So let’s switch up your approach…
7 steps to better listening
I’d describe my twin toddlers and all of the toddlers I’ve cared for, as toddlers who ‘mostly listen to me’, and I truly believe it is because of how I speak to them and how I handle things when they do AND don’t listen.
Here’s what I do…
1. Get closer (focuses them on me)
2. Get low to their eye level (encourages active listening)
3. Place palm on their back (captures attention/focuses them on me)
4. Repeat boundary & what to do (“don’t jump on the couch, sit on your bottom.”)
5. Second chance: “Show mommy/ Poppy how you sit on your bottom.”
6. Congratulate: “There you go! You’re doing it! You can stay on the couch” (Positive reinforcement has greater effect than punishment)
*Bonus: give explanation – “now you’re safe. I say no jumping/sit on your bottom so you don’t get hurt. Owee.”
*Another bonus: redirect their actions – “ok, looks like you really want to jump. We can jump over here on the trampoline. Come, let’s go to the trampoline.” (They don’t want to go to the trampoline? Ok, then let’s sit.)
7. Spend a minute close by watching to ensure they are following my directions. Then, go back to what I was doing.
If they do it again...
**If they do it again, I do this:
‘If – then – boundary – try again’ warning: “If you jump on the couch again, then I have to take you somewhere else to play. Try again, sit on your bottom on the couch.” This sets a clear expectation and allows them the opportunity to correct what they’re doing.
- If they listen – positive reinforcement: “There you go! That’s right. Sit and play.”
- If they don’t listen – “ok let’s take a break in the playroom, and try again in a couple minutes.”
Follow through
Without the step of following through on the consequence you warned your child about, they likely won’t trust that there will be a consequence, so the unwanted behavior will most likely continue.
Make them trust what you say.
Follow through with a reasonable consequence that will help shape their next move and future behaviors.
They are learning all about how the world around them works, and boundaries and consequences are an important piece of this journey.
I always follow through with what I said would happen – I help them move to a different play area for a couple minutes.
This is NOT a timeout in the traditional sense. This is simply a relocation for a couple minutes, where we disconnect from the situation where the behavior was happening.
Usually before returning to whatever setting we were in before taking the break, I take a moment to explain why I’m telling them to behave a certain way: “We cannot jump on the couch, it’s too dangerous. You could get hurt, owee! Danger. Let’s be safe, ok? Ok, let’s try again.”
This approach will shape future behavior and soon, your toddler will know the rules and no longer do the unwanted behavior (more often than not) because it’s not worth their time to have to take a break from what they’re doing.
Give it a try!
Xx, Poppy
About Low Stress Motherhood
Let's harness the chaos so we can find your happy place in motherhood. I'm here to help moms find some solace and helpful resources that ease the load of motherhood and allow them to show up as the person they want to be, for themselves and their children.
