Is Your Toddler Fighting Nap And Bedtime? Here’s What To Do

Toddler won’t sleep

Sleep, for the love of all that is good, sleeeeeep little one! 

I love you, but momma needs a break! Momma has other things to do! AhHhHhHhhh! 

Maybe you’re wondering – ‘is my toddler just done with naps altogether now?! They are only 2! Please don’t let this be true!’

If sleep is an issue, it can feel impossible to even get a phone call to the doctor in during the day or any REAL rejuvenating sleep at night. Additionally, poor sleep can affect your toddler’s moods and actions, making days feel more difficult, strained and stressful, than you’d like them to be.

For many parents, naps, bedtime and sleep in general is a constant work in progress. Like most everything we deal with as parents, it is an ever-changing situation, because our babies are rapidly changing, growing and developing – all of which can affect their quality and length of sleep.

It’s recommended that 2 year old toddlers get 11-14 hours of sleep, between nap and bedtime sleeping. This rule of thumb will give you an idea of whether or not your toddler ‘needs’ a nap. 

Suggested Article: Is My Toddler’s Behavior Normal? 7 Situations Where Your Toddler’s Behavior Might Shock You 

Most toddlers who fight naps, still need the sleep. They just also need help getting to sleep, and unfortunately the help they need may be different than what has been working for you thus far.

If you find your toddler fighting nap and bedtime, here is what you can try…

toddler fighting nap and bedtime 

If what you are currently doing isn’t working or no longer works (ah! another change to adjust to, right when we felt we were in a groove!), it may be time to try some new approaches. Truth is, there is most likely something different that will work, or at least ‘work better’, and make nap and bedtime less of a huge ordeal.

The time has come to do some trial and error and see what will work best for your toddler. Then, once you find something that gets them calm and to sleep the easiest, do that consistently for a week. At the end of the week, you can decide if the new approach is actually working and making any adjustments or switches, as needed. 

It’s important to know that sometimes you may have to do something consistently for a few days to a week, like going back in to their room to help them back into bed if they climb out, for your toddler to adjust to it and for you to understand if it’s actually working. 1 or 2 days of doing something new is usually not enough time for most toddlers to learn and adjust.

With that said, I know that a week can feel like FOREVER, especially when you are running on little sleep and trying to manage difficult behaviors, but this amount of time will allow you to test various things and decide if your new approach is working.

When you find something that works (I’ll share more tips on specific strategies soon), be sure to share those tips with your childcare provider if they also need help and with your partner too, so you aren’t the only one that can do the nap and bedtime routine. 

Sharing the responsibility at nap and bedtime can be hard, especially if one parent does it more often or if a toddler specifically asks for or cries for one parent. In the interest of balance and sanity, it is best for all that this responsibility is shared by both parents. 

This may mean that there are some tears and chaos around nap and bedtime, especially when starting a new routine. Having some go-to things that you know comfort and calm your child, will help them adjust and accept any nap and bedtime changes. Expect and be ok with some crying and upset from your toddler. We are aiming for balance and manageability for you, and it is inevitable that your toddler will have feelings about any changes to their current routine.

Suggested Article: How To Get Your Toddler To Listen Better – 7 Steps To Better Listening TODAY

Here are some things you can try with your toddler, that have worked well for my twins and the toddlers I care for here at my daycare and preschool:

• Minimize ‘nos’ and discipline so they are less frustrated, regularly. Give them more freedom to do things like dress themselves and play messy, independently. Sometimes this means slowing down and setting up their play area a little differently so you aren’t always having to correct or remove them from something. Allowing them to freely be and act, will lessen frustrations which will make for a calmer, happier and more cooperative toddler. Montessori methodology can greatly help you achieve this.

• Give them a heads up it’s almost resting time, have them exert a lot of energy for a handful of minutes by running fast outside or around the kitchen island or a in a play area, then sit together for a quiet, calm down activity like reading for a few minutes, before heading to the room for sleep. Giving them a heads up that it is sleeping time soon, will help them mentally prepare for the transition.

• Say goodbye to things as you head to bed. “Bye toys! Bye kitchen, bye blocks, bye potty! See you after nap! Saying goodbye is fun and helps them transition as well.”

• Talk about what they’re excited to do after nap time or bedtime. “When we wake up, we get to go see our friends at school and show them our new monster jam shirt!” “After we wake up we will have a yummy bar for snack and run outside again!” Doing this describes the sequence of events they must do – sleep then play/eat/etc…

• Talk about the importance of sleep. Even if your toddler is not speaking much yet, they can understand a great deal more than most parents realize. With a calm and serious voice, you can convey the importance of sleep to them. “Sleep helps your body grow strong and bigger! Sleeping helps fight of sickness! Sleeping makes you feel happier when you play with friends!”

• Sit with them and wait it out. A lot of times, toddlers need help to slow down and settle down. Taking an extra 10-15 minutes to sit with them at the beginning of nap or bedtime can help them do that. Likewise, by you staying in the room, you can minimize horse play. Be sure to set clear rules when you sit with them so things stay under control. For example: “Mommy is going to sit with you, you need to be laying down.” You may have to help them lay down. You can sing to them or yawn and breathe with them to cue sleep.

• Tell them you are going to come back in a minute to make sure they are resting. After your toddler is tucked into their bed, leave. Go back and check on them and help them back into bed if needed. This may need to be repeated multiple times, depending on your toddler. If it seems excessive (like so much of what we have to do with toddlers does!), you can opt to just stay in the room until they are asleep. I know for many moms doing this doesn’t sound ideal, but it may just be what works best to get and keep your toddler asleep versus having them not sleep at all. 

• Look through a special book or at some cool photos on your phone for a few minutes until they start to doze off. Another option moms might not love to hear, but again, I am in the business of creating balance and finding what works so long as it is safe for all. This one has worked well for my rowdiest and most intense toddlers. Most recently, we have been looking at pictures of birthday cakes for 3-5 minutes, then deep breaths and closing our eyes to rest. With this one, and any other strategies where you are helping them, you can begin to slowly phase it out once you notice your toddler more calm and cooperative at nap and bedtime.

• Tell them you are going to take their lovey if they don’t settle down. In more extreme instances, where your toddler keeps climbing out of their bed, running to the door or futzing around, and you’ve done a combination of the above things, you can use more strict discipline like this. You could say something like, “Caleb, it is time to rest now. If you don’t come lay down, mom is going to take your lovey. Bye bye lovey. Do you want me to take your lovey? Then come lay down.” If they lay down you can say, “good! Hug your lovey and let’s stretch our legs and take some deep breaths. Let’s dream about the zoo, slides at the park, ice cream…”

• Adjust nap and/or bedtime by 30 minutes, either earlier or later. Sometimes this seemingly insignificant change can make all the difference. Your toddler may be overtired or not quit tired enough and making this shift may help them settle and rest easier, with less fuss and fight. So if you had been doing 1230pm, try 1pm. If you had been doing 1pm, try 130pm. For beditme, if you’ve been doing 8pm, try 730pm. Or if you have been doing 9pm, try 830pm.

Again, I want to re-iterate how important it is to try some new things out and GIVE THEM TIME before you decide if they are or aren’t working. Jot down some notes so you can truly track and see what’s happening.

When testing out new things, it can be difficult but, try not to get frustrated with your busy toddler after 2 minutes of sitting with them. Try not to give in to their whining when you give them a heads up it’s nap time. Try not to do something one time and decide – well that won’t work. 

If you have a toddler fighting nap and bedtime, they will need time to adjust to any changes you make to their normal routine – or lack thereof.

And, with all of the above suggestions, as your toddler adjusts and becomes more calm and cooperative at nap and bedtimes, you can slowly phase them out so that your toddler can fall asleep independently. However, reality is, some never do. And sometimes a toddler may be more cooperative with one parent and not the other, despite our efforts.

This again, is why I focus on balance, rather than by-the-book perfect approaches – which are mostly unattainable for many anyway.

Suggested Article: How To Get Your Toddler To Stop Whining So Much

Pro tip: ALWAYS give them a few minutes heads up before taking them in to nap. Scooping them up and abruptly taking them to bed is sure to spark a crying spell or possibly a tantrum that may turn into a hard to manage meltdown. Letting them walk to bed is the best bet. With rules, consistency, patience and some calming techniques, you can get to more peaceful nap and bedtimes.

When do toddlers stop napping?

Likewise, there are some factors like – big life changes (like welcoming a sibling or moving) or trauma (losing a family member) that can also affect a toddler’s normal sleep habits. Another key thing that may determine a toddler’s sleep is whether they have older siblings running around and not napping. 

Suggested Article: When To Start Potty Training Your Toddler(so that it’s easier for all!)

I’ve found that all toddlers do better when they are well rested. Just like us adults, huh? Yes! Their behavior is calmer and happier when they’ve gotten good, rejuvenating sleep. It’s recommended that toddlers get 11-14 hours of sleep, between naps and night sleep, through age 2.

As your child gets closer to 3, that is when you can strongly consider quiet time as opposed to a true nap. I’ve worked with toddlers who do quiet time at 3, while others nap until they are 4+ years old regularly or on most days.  

Common nap and bedtime problems

Some common challenges parents deal with when they have a toddler fighting nap and bedtime is:

• Crying

• Coming out of their room

• Playing instead of laying down to rest

• Tantrum that may lead to meltdown

• Stalling (I need to pee, I’m thirsty, I need another lovey) 

As I mentioned earlier, I am a huge advocate of Montessori style approaches and discipline, that are respectful and considerate of what toddlers say and feel. 

With that said though, I fully understand how it feels to be at your wits end, completely exhausted and stressed out by your toddler’s behavior. 

So, when dealing with common nap and bedtime problems, I’ve found that having set rules that you vocalize and follow with your toddler regularly, plus utilizing some calming techniques when they’re crying, helps to keep balance and order and get them to sleep sooner. 

For example, here is something I would say if a toddler (one of my own or one I care for) were to regularly stall by having to pee or asking for water at bedtime: “Ok love, it’s resting time in 10 minutes! Choose what you want to do for 5 more minutes than we are going to grab a big gulp of water and sit on the potty before getting into bed.”

By doing this, I’ve set the rules about what we do before sleeping, factoring their stalling tactics into timeline AND diminishing their need to ask for a drink or to go to the potty once we get to bed. Woohoo! It’ll be all about nothing but settling them in, calming and resting.